PTCS vs cutting them some slack.

I recently read an article about "Post Traumatic Church Syndrome." [PTCS]. it was an incredibly interesting article. some of the statements made were, " They [referring to certain behaviour] weren’t evidence of anything that was wrong with her, but were evidence of wrong things that were done to her." This was referring to some of the anti-church behaviour the person's spouse would sometimes exhibit, despite being Christian. some other things said in the article were, "Church trauma runs deep, because it cuts into our identity"  and "Church, ironically, becomes the barrier when in reality it should be the gateway."

I think I found it such an interesting read because you will struggle to meet a Christian who hasn't been hurt by a fellow Christian/Church/Christian Leader.  Yet somehow it is a topic we talking about. I know too many Christians who have to walk away from church, in order to heal enough to get back into church. it sounds completely backwards, and logically in our brains we know its not God's best but sometimes being in a church agrivates but instead of helps heal the situation. I KNOW this because I have had to walk away twice. . . now I am not saying its a good principle to do . . . but when you are so burnt out on people pleasing and service sometimes you got to walk away and have a vacation from church. . . Sometimes when you have been put through the ringer by another leader [for eg] and you go to a church you trust to find a place of healing and restoration and counsel but all you encounter is persistant rejection....in those situations you aren't emotionally whole enough to stay, and you certainly dont need fresh wounds added to an existing injury.... its a bit like a blood clot after surgery....it can kill you, spiritually. 

And sometimes you are a wounded soldier from the frontline of the battlefield....but if your local church you return to is on the front line of a war....you are not going to heal there.... because you need a hospital not a field clinic run by soldiers who'll only stir you up back into war or condem you for not fighting.....sometimes church doesn't cut it....but should it???

I long for an ideal world where pastors and fellow christians act in line with what we believe and where love is abundant....I think its every Christians desire because too often what we see in church contradicts the word of God.... its a bit like how we tease all beauty pagent entrants of wanting "world peace". We as Christians are all human....justified and loved and forgiven....but our sinful nature still needs a good couple of death blows as we walk out our salvation in fear and trembling and work on sanctification. 

I am not downplaying anyone's hurts either....I have had some major church wounds....MAJOR...fun things.... I left a church over a minor doctrinal/opinion issue once....3 years later a member of the congregation and I met and they lovingly asked if I had backslidden because they hadnt seen me around the church in a long time. When I told them that I had moved to this specific church there response was, "that church....it would be better if you had backslidden." ....I KNOW! true story....makes no sense.

I was used by a pastor for half a decade for my giftings and abilities, but when the pastor finally had someone to take over from me, they admitted that they never believed I was called of God to do what I was doing. . . .5 years down the line of using me! I have been severely disciplined by church leadership, which at the time i really didnt like, over a difference of opinion....had all my ministry taken away from me. A pastor I was very close to as a child was found out for sexual abuse. My current landlord who puts his money and convenience over my safety [when we had an intruder on premise] and who belittled me....yup he is a pastor.

You hear how Christians belittle other Christians who have left the congregation. I have incidents where people have left over doctrine/opinions [not major salvation doctrines] and years later if you have contact with the person who left....even if its a casual meet and greet....you get told by the "ones left behind" to cut yourself spiritually free, get prayed for to break any influence etc. like the person who left carries an infectious disease just because they didn't fit perfectly into the cookie mould. And if it was a sin issue....is there no room for repentance? i often want to say to the "left behind ones" ....when last did you speak with this person??? do you know where they are at in God??? how dare we critisize other believers like that? How will we ever walk in unity and love when the church is in the state its in?

The list of offences can go on and on and on [i haven't shared even a tenth of my bad church experiences]...You will here people admimantly say that they will never work for a christian boss again. Or never go back into ministry again. or never go to church aggain. . ...and everyone out there who is Christian can add to this list. There is a popular saying that a lot of Christians I know "jokingly" say...."Christianity would be great if it weren't for the people."

But cut them, and yourselves, some slack..... We are human and still in the process of sanctification, even your leaders and fellow congregation members....and even some who have left... No it doesn't create an excuse for your sin....nor does it create a lisence to sin. . . .Yes we all long for the the great day when the church is known for its love. . . and we are all brothers and sisters and walking in unity. . . .Honestly i think the greatest hinderance to salvations is not a spiritual block but a lack of love in the church. but that is a side topic. . . .

Make peace with the fact that Christianity isn't without its wounds. . . whether its from hurts or persecution . . . .you will get wounded and often you will get wounded by those close to you, even your leaders. it will happen. So be gracious not bitter. The wound is real...get healing.... be wise in your healing. I wish I could say that your church should be a safe place to heal....chances are its not.... truthfully..... but if you are going to take a time out, be wise....time out on your own will make you a sitting target for the devil.... make sure you have mature christians that you are still accountable too...don't disconnect from every christian....keep in the Word. . . . Keep in worship....Keep in friendship. . . try keep in church.... trust me I know, its a tough one at times.

Also set realistic expectations. . . .I am convinced a lot of what we place on our church, and relationships is completely wrong expectations....church is not there to heal you.... i know sometimes it acts like a self-help group or a doctor or a psychologist.... but its not your HEALER.....that is God's role.....don't confuse the two.

Yes Church could help you find your healing in God.... but they are not there to heal you....and yes they shouldn't be hurting you either....but welcome to humanity.... sometimes....its gonna happen.

I have been listening to some interesting sermons and reading up on some church ideas..... Someone once said, "Church is a Spiritual Center"  - it is not a "business center" - a way to make money or increase business connections. . .. it is not a "social center" -  a way to find friends, intimacy or potential spouses..... and its not a "welfare center" - a charity rescuing the down and out......YES its a bonus when those things come about from being in a church..... but primarily church is there to train and equip you spiritually. . . . .now i need to give this statement a bit more thought.... and i struggle with it because its so cut and dry....DRY!!!!  i am all..."where's the love?".... but if there is truth in this statement....then often our expectations are off regarding church, which will only agrivate wounds. . . .
I do believe everything we do should be motivated in love.... i really do.... i do believe relationship is key, and part of the foundation we are created for and image we are made in....but is it the church's priority?

Also....is church too much of a priority? [oooh some religious people just picked up a whole lot of verbal stones to throw in my direction..... hear me out first]. I am not saying church shouldn't be important....but i think sometimes we become unbalanced and church becomes and idol. . . .maybe that is what makes the wound hurt more than other wounds???? [side thought again]..... but when you are in a christian circle....we find that people have little time besides work and church [and immediate family if they are married]....church often doesn't leave time for other interests/hobbies/relationships/even healthy lifestyles.....the only kind of relationships are usually found within a church meeting/function....and if you are ever out of relationships you are reffered back to a service or meeting to get into relationship.... it is the proverbial holy huddle....how on earth do you ever minister to the soul, if you only make time for the spirit?  Where is the time to take care of the body - it is a recipe for burnout....and where will you ever meet the lost? and where can you bring the lost too, if they are not ready to committ to Christ yet? no unbeliever wants to "hang out" in a homegroup....maybe a picnic or a dinner....but we don't have time for that. so it seems its all about getting spiritually fat instead of spiritually disciplined.... i think we could all do with a little balance and a heap of Grace..... be gracious to yourself, to others, to His Bride the church....be gracious to your leaders and fellow congregation members....we are just humans..... Put Christ back on the pedestal....not church.  . . . get healing for your hurts, but make peace with the fact that hurts are part and parcel of life.... don't walk away from it just because it hurt you.... forgive and let go.

These are rambling early morning thoughts, that have been churning in my heart for a long time....they are not doctrine....they are opinion.... they are not set in stone.... its more of a sounding board this morning...so please also give me some grace.