is it all about the change?

As most know....its been a week.....a very emotionally intense vulnerable week. a lot of my buttons have been pushed.....and a lot of rubbish [for want of a word that doesn't need to be censored out] has happened.

But a lot of this week has been focused on the need for things to change. Coming back, one of the few things that has worked out for me is work....the rest has been an isolating nightmare.... its like trying to fit that proverbial round peg into the square hole. i used to be the square peg in that square hole but life, experience and living in a different culture for years has shaved my corners off....i just dont fit back into church or friendships here [mostly].... its been super tough.

A lot of this week, for whatever reason, God has used people to start to talk with me around this, and how i desperately need change.... obviously its a sensitive issue, and there are wounds and fears and insecurities and conflicting emotions....so dealing with that, plus a stressful week at work plus an intruder etc....man....its intense.... then having to deal with yet another christian leader belittling me and treating me like i have no worth ....that didn't help the week either.....

so here i sit, with a lot on my heart and mind..... having had an intruder on my property and that means the place i was finally calling home, might need to be left and i need to find a new home because landlord wont do anything to increase security. . . and i am driving towards work and the entire morning devotion keeps repeating.

"sometimes for change to happen you need to move."  and the pastor wasn't being metaphorical. . . he was being very literal. He was speaking around the topic of Esther and how she had to move from her uncle's house into the kings concubine for things to change in a nation, and for her to step into the next thing. He used practical examples,  but over and over he kept repeating that line.....

"for change to happen.....you need to move."

maybe its a coincidence.....maybe its a confirmation....

its been almost 77 days of blogging....almost.... i joked with a few friends....saying maybe this would finally be the catalyst for change....that nicely co-incides with the first day of spring....i was genuinely kidding around....my main committment to non stop blogging for 77 days was to create a discipline in my writing..... but literally my life went from safe and secure in my home to possibly moving house in less than 24 hrs.....so ....i guess you never can tell what will happen or when....or how quickly.....so you never know....change might just be around the corner.....