Romance vs Reality . . .

Do you all remember those cheesy perfume / deodorant advertisements on the t.v.? Where a gorgeous girl sprays herself with whatever the product is and then later you see her, in a gorgeous flowy summer dress, hair glistening in the sun, a spring in her step walking down the street and complete strangers [guys] suddenly give her flowers or burst into song. . . and its all so picture perfect and romantic. . . and every girl watching lets out a despondent sigh, wishing she could have it happen to her . . .

Let me please drown this pathetic fake romantic notion with a heady dose of reality.... IT IS NOT ROMANTIC having guys burst into song just because you walked passed them . . . maybe the first time its flattering but honestly, it can be a downright nuisance. Now I know many woman who just read what I said think I have lost it completely, and maybe the summer sun has gone to my head a bit today. . . but let me give you a glimpse into some of the frustration of life.

Strolling from my house to the Art Center today, a 15 minute walk . . . dressed in shorts and t shirt, my braids tied back and sweat staining my armpits . . . I was not the picture of the ideal perfume advert lady. . . quite the opposite... but let me tell you in that short amount of time I was serenaded 5 times. . . .count them... 5!!!!!

it gets a bit much after a while, I had a guy pull up next to me in his vehicle, come to a complete stop, blocking traffic, roll down his window and burst into song. . . I had a swarm of 4 teen boys encircle me and start singing while I strolled through the park etc etc. I dont think in the last 4 years I have made it through a day without being serenaded. The simplest action like buying bread can often have a complete stranger lean on the counter next to you and start singing. . . and dont even get me started on the invites to go “drink a coffee” with them. . . especially not on the guys who are so persistent they follow you for almost half an hour till you seek help in getting rid of them.

Welcome to being a single foreign girl in elbasan. . . its not that I am drop dead gorgeous, and oddly enough its not cause I dress like a super model... the once, in the height of winter I was dressed in snowboots, a snowjacket, gloves, scarf, jeans and a hat and someone still hit on me. . . [how they saw there was a person under all those layers is still a mystery to me.... but anyway] . . . the simple fact is I am different to them . . .i am foreign and single [unchaperoned] and don't look like them and so its their right to sing to me, flirt with me, follow me or ask me for coffee or even pinch my butt! [or some a lot of them think]

All my daydreams of how great it would be to feel desired just by walking down the street were shattered because its imposing itself on you, its treating you like a piece of meat, just an object of lust until the next one walks passed with the aroma of romance.... its far from honoring. . . and its a bit disconcerting to be honest.

Yes I could choose to allow myself to be flattered by it and to feed that thing, but its false. Its not because they have any idea of who I am or what I am about. I simply just walked past them on the street. Its LUST not romance. I want to challenge Christian woman out there, careful what you long for and careful what you feed... God has so much more in store for you, only the best and a life with TRUE LOVE not passing lust based on appearances or because a romantic song was stuck in their brain as you walked passed them or because you smelled like roses!

I have to constantly put my blinkers on and tune out to the world as I walk down the street. . . choosing to remain PURE because my PURITY came at a great cost, His Blood! Choosing not to entertain the flesh and its lusts, but to remain true to who He created me to be. . . I had a random memory this morning, from my first “slow dance” as a christian.

I will share it here, because it is humorous

but also it is a loud statement . . . I was a baby christian, a few weeks old in the faith. . . I was only 15 years old. . . the youth held a Valentines dance. . . and I chose an older, christian friend to go with. . . handsome he was indeed with long brown hair and dark brown eyes. . . so I got all dressed up. . . [I wont describe my outfit cause it was just after the 80's hit and our fashion mishaps are best left forgotten.] so we had a great night together, dancing in a group, snacking from the table etc... and then the lights dimmed and it was time for a couple dance... again unrealistic romantic notions run through your mind of the joy of dancing with such a handsome man.... and as he led me to the dance floor I will never forget the song.... it was from DC Talk and the song was. . . “what if I stumble?”

enough said.

Keep your focus on reality! Keep your heart PURE. Walking in repentance and holiness... because sin crouches at the door . . .and its too easy to fall.

Philippians 4: 8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

a quote from A.W.Tozer

"sin will always take your further than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay and cost you more than you wanted to pay!"  

Death : Friend or Foe.

This year I have had to face the sad reality of death too often. The month was no different, and this previous week was again a tragic reminder. As I look back over my life I have had to come to terms with this fact: Whether we like it or not, death is a companion of life, ever present.

So is it friend or foe?

[as morbid as this theme might seem, I urge you to read to the end...as I stare this thing in its face.... but I promise there is Hope to be found.]

I think my first experience of death [that I remember] was when we had a dog put down. We were still living in Johannesburg, so I was younger than 9 years old. I had no real understanding of death and in fact I think I was glad because it meant we could keep the stray cat we had found because we had no dog any more. I think I laughed at Death because I didnt understand the pain.

I know we buried my grandfather and my grandmother while I was young, but it didnt seem to leave a scar on my heart, I dont remember shedding a tear. . . perhaps again I was too young to grasp the finality that it could spell. . . or does it? I was numb to Death because I didnt understand its reality.

From the age of about 14 till 18, I became fascinated with death. . . I still didnt grasp the severity but it intrigued me and drew me in. . . it was a dark time of my life [and also the time my aunt passed away and I felt for the first time the pain of a death]

black was my favorite colour, morbidity my friend and at least 2 suicide attempts, along with countless thoughts and plans to end it all . . . hating life, longing for death's kiss. . . until the day I met TRUE LIFE! And suddenly life seemed to take on colour [now days some might argue a tad TOO much colour is in my life as you need sunglasses to cope with my wardrobe] and Hope started to take root in my soul . . . there was MORE to life than DEATH. . . there was LIFE in LIFE! He is the source of TRUE LIFE!

And so I began my journey a new, re-born in a sense, this time grasping LIFE was meant for living, not for death. . . fast forward a few years and again death's presence creeped into my life  . . . this time in a sickness that threatened to snuff out the life I was embracing. But this time a new emotion surfaced... FEAR!

This time I knew LIFE and I didnt want to loose it, I feared DEATH . . . for 7 years I was an anxious mess, desperately pleading, begging, fighting not to walk down the path of DEATH that I once longed to for. I had LIFE and I was too scared to let go of it. To scared of the PAIN. To scared of the finality. And miraculously the LIFE that was in me brought forth healing, and again I had fullness of LIFE. . . or so I thought.

not long after I faced death again . . . my other grandmother was nearing Death's door. . . i remember her being so frail, yet she knew she had LIFE waiting on the otherside. i watched her and wepted with her as she prayed to go "home". . . a sadness was present but at the same time a hope and joy. . . it was a side of death i hadnt seen before.

This year death has come knocking. . . a close friend in her early 20's has her LIFE snatched away in a bus tragic bus accident, my sister's friend looses a battle to cancer, a dear friend's husband looses a battle to cancer . . . and another close friend has diabetes steal her life away, suddenly, before she is even 30 . . . too much death in a year for me.

This last weekend I went to visit the grave of my friend. . . and memories assaulted my mind and tortured my heart. I remember standing one year ago, watching them lower her coffin into the ground. I can hear the sobs of her family, my chest closes up and I cant breath . . .its like a scream trapped inside of me. We walk back to the families home and I remember scenes from before the burial, like they were just happening, not like they happened a year ago. I hear her friends screaming, begging her not to leave them. I remember looking in her coffin, her lips bloodied and bruised, her teeth all broken . . . and I want to cry because she had such a beatiful smile and laugh. I remember stroking her hair and thinking how much softer it was than when she as alive. . . my heart torn in pieces, I just stand and weep as memories take their hold. . . and I realise in that moment that I HATE Death. . . its so unfair. With every fiber in my body I HATE it more than I could express. Its been so cruel to so many and left too much pain in my life.

I write home to a friend, expressing my heart. . . telling them how much I hate death as I remember the pain of the tragedy and they, gracefully, lovingly, remind me of truth . . . there is no death for those who truly have found LIFE! Fullness of Life is birthed from death.

LIFE!

There is more to LIFE than this LIFE we are living. This is just the preview, the trailer, the glimpse of TRUE LIFE to come. And suddenly I realise I hadnt fully embraced the truth of TRUE LIFE, I was still living for this LIFE.

And I realised another truth, that without DEATH its impossible to enter into TRUE LIFE.

Without Christ's death, we wouldnt live. And one day, for those of us who walk with Him, we will face death but it will be the doorway into TRUE life.

Death has truly lost its sting in Him . . . my friends for whom I mourn, are not truly dead, they have just taken up residence in the ETERNAL LIFE that awaits. [and through this LIFE I have the Father of all Comfort at my side in my time of pain] . .

LIFE . . .and now that root of Hope that has formed in my life so many years before, suddenly starts to blossom with an understanding of true LIFE and LOVE.

I intend to LIVE this LIFE to the fullest, as its a gift from my CREATOR . . . and I intend to make peace with DEATH because even though its not always fair and often times its cruel, I know without it there is no ETERNITY – which is TRUE LIFE forever . . . in Christ, ALONE, do I have this living promise and guaranteed Hope. . . but my question is …. do you have ? Do you have TRUE LIFE? What are you living for?

Is death your friend or foe?

thank you for letting me open up my soul a bit . . . 

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2 Timothy 9b - 10

This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.

Revelation 21:4

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Below is a scripture my friend has painted on her wall. Her sister died in the bus accident a year ago . . . i am amazing at how she has found strength, hope and comfort in Christ.