The other day i was doing some grocery shopping. My mom taught me well to always check the prices, and specials. not to just take my normal brand. I saw that the cream cheese, in a really good brand was on special. I almost broke into song right there and then, i love cream cheese, any cream cheese except for one flavor.
My eyes went back and forth looking at the flavors, pondering in my mind what crackers i would pair it up with. . . my saliva glands were already working over time. . . then i saw it, my ultimate goal..."smoked Salmon" cream cheese- that one wasabi rice crackers....*blush* did i just drool on myself in public? *discretely tries to wipe it away*.
No experience has taught me another thing. Sometimes specials are too good to be true. So i pick up my prize, turn it over and check the expiration dates. Yup, as suspected 1 week till it expires. i check through all the flavors, just in case. its all pretty much the same expiration date. still i can eat a tub by myself in a week, and not waste any. it just means i will only be buying one tub. so i grab the preferred smoked salmon flavor tub, throw it in my basket. all the while thinking, i miss the days when i lived with my parents. i never checked expiration dates in those days, i just took food out the fridge and assumed it was fine. With these memories playing through my mind, i head off to get my crackers.
grocery shopping done, i head home, eager to enjoy a snack. . . i grab the tub of cream cheese, crackers and a knife. spread some on the cracker, pop it in my mouth and......*gag*. . . not it wasn't off. it was "Smoked Ham" flavor . . . the ONLY flavor i dislike. [i don't like any fake bacon/ham flavored things. . . they are vile to me]. and even the wasabi cracker couldn't help make the taste better. i was gutted . . . for those of you who don't understand that expression . . . it means i was completely and absolutely devastated.
You see i had been so focused on the expiration date, that i didn't pay enough attention to the flavor, and in the end lost out on what should have been an awesome taste experience. How often in life do we do that? We get so focused on the "end game" the "conclusion" or "goal". Or we get so focused on trying to figure out the game. "What is God doing?" "what is God trying to teach me?" "what part of my character is being shaped by this?" "why is this happening?"
So absorbed in an area of it that we miss out on the fullness, the flavor, the joy of the actual game? just some food for thought!
The good news is that God isn't just about the end game. . . He is about EVERY tiny little detail. Everything is crafted and planned in, no matter how small, and for a reason.
Psalm 37:23 [new living translation]
The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Whack-A-Mole
I hate moles. . . there is not a lot I detest, but I love my garden and that automatically makes me hate not just the destruction that moles bring but i actually HATE moles.
I am generally an animal lover, but moles bring out another unredeemed side of me. Unfortunately we have more than one mole in our garden, causing constant havoc. You know what i hate more than a live mole. . . a dead one, that your cat has hidden in your laundry basket amidst your clothes, at least a week ago by the smell of it. . . true story. . . even more reason to hate moles, and be angry at my cat. almost made me want to remind people that cats are the only domestic animal not mentioned in the bible. . . is it because they are too possibly too evil to even be written about in the bible... just a thought... i'll stop on that theory right there... cause truthfully i somehow love my cat, even when he brings me unwanted gifts....
I have no wandered far off from my original topic, where was i . . . Yes, i remember....I HATE MOLES!
Last night, it was a late night, as i take art lessons after work. I came home, was just getting comfi in my bed and closing my eyes when i hear this noise. I immediately shout at the cat, convinced that my cat has brought in a lizard or caught a gecko and is playing with it. The noise continues, i shout at the cat again, irritated because i want to sleep. the noise still continues and i realize that i dont hear my cat's bell. i get up, switch on the lights and sure enough there is a mole running around my bedroom floor!!!!!
is nothing sacred anymore?!?!?!?! that is my bedroom, my place of rest. . . its bad enough that the thing is ruining my outside sanctuary, what is it doing in my house!!! Truthfully if you see the step up to my house, and the closed doors, we know that the only way that mole got in was if my cat brought it in. [and yet i still love my cat].
One of the hardest things you will ever do, is try catch a mole. They are super speedy and wriggling and squiggly. if you do manage to catch a mole, good luck holding it, its near impossible. Of course in the midst of all of that, you can guarantee that the mole pees on your hand. its just a given.
It took me almost an hour to catch the mole and successfully hold it long enough to get the door open, hoping to be able to throw it into a neighbors garden. [shhhh i wont tell if you dont], but the thing dropped out my hands and scuttled into my newly planted flowerbed! "GRRRRRRRR!" i say, "GRRRRRR!"
the gardener had been around to cut the grass today, and had nicely flattened all the mounds of sand the moles push up. By the time i got home from work there were 5 new mole hills in my freshly cut lawn. really big ugly things, sticking out. and lets not talk about how often i am walking in my garden only to fall because the earth gives away underneath me where a secret mole tunnel runs.
The reality is usually the mole is there and active in his underground dark tunnels long before you see the mounds of sand, when he/she decides to surface. This reminded me a bit of us. There are things in our hearts, good and bad. We often dont know they are there until something causes them to surface. They can be shifting in our hearts and moving about without anything showing on the surface, but eventually it will surface, it has to.
Our hearts are not hidden from God. He knows them better than we do. He often orchestrates things to cause the "moles" to surface.. . so that we can see what is hidden, but He always does it for our benefit. Are we willing to let things be exposed? and when He exposes them, do we grumble and moan, or are we grateful that HE cares enough to be involved in our lives, fully motivated by perfect love?
PS anyone want a cat?
I am generally an animal lover, but moles bring out another unredeemed side of me. Unfortunately we have more than one mole in our garden, causing constant havoc. You know what i hate more than a live mole. . . a dead one, that your cat has hidden in your laundry basket amidst your clothes, at least a week ago by the smell of it. . . true story. . . even more reason to hate moles, and be angry at my cat. almost made me want to remind people that cats are the only domestic animal not mentioned in the bible. . . is it because they are too possibly too evil to even be written about in the bible... just a thought... i'll stop on that theory right there... cause truthfully i somehow love my cat, even when he brings me unwanted gifts....
I have no wandered far off from my original topic, where was i . . . Yes, i remember....I HATE MOLES!
Last night, it was a late night, as i take art lessons after work. I came home, was just getting comfi in my bed and closing my eyes when i hear this noise. I immediately shout at the cat, convinced that my cat has brought in a lizard or caught a gecko and is playing with it. The noise continues, i shout at the cat again, irritated because i want to sleep. the noise still continues and i realize that i dont hear my cat's bell. i get up, switch on the lights and sure enough there is a mole running around my bedroom floor!!!!!
is nothing sacred anymore?!?!?!?! that is my bedroom, my place of rest. . . its bad enough that the thing is ruining my outside sanctuary, what is it doing in my house!!! Truthfully if you see the step up to my house, and the closed doors, we know that the only way that mole got in was if my cat brought it in. [and yet i still love my cat].
One of the hardest things you will ever do, is try catch a mole. They are super speedy and wriggling and squiggly. if you do manage to catch a mole, good luck holding it, its near impossible. Of course in the midst of all of that, you can guarantee that the mole pees on your hand. its just a given.
It took me almost an hour to catch the mole and successfully hold it long enough to get the door open, hoping to be able to throw it into a neighbors garden. [shhhh i wont tell if you dont], but the thing dropped out my hands and scuttled into my newly planted flowerbed! "GRRRRRRRR!" i say, "GRRRRRR!"
the gardener had been around to cut the grass today, and had nicely flattened all the mounds of sand the moles push up. By the time i got home from work there were 5 new mole hills in my freshly cut lawn. really big ugly things, sticking out. and lets not talk about how often i am walking in my garden only to fall because the earth gives away underneath me where a secret mole tunnel runs.
The reality is usually the mole is there and active in his underground dark tunnels long before you see the mounds of sand, when he/she decides to surface. This reminded me a bit of us. There are things in our hearts, good and bad. We often dont know they are there until something causes them to surface. They can be shifting in our hearts and moving about without anything showing on the surface, but eventually it will surface, it has to.
Our hearts are not hidden from God. He knows them better than we do. He often orchestrates things to cause the "moles" to surface.. . so that we can see what is hidden, but He always does it for our benefit. Are we willing to let things be exposed? and when He exposes them, do we grumble and moan, or are we grateful that HE cares enough to be involved in our lives, fully motivated by perfect love?
PS anyone want a cat?
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Marco . . . Polo. . . *cough, splutter, choke*
Growing up in Durban, South Africa, many of us had the luxury of a swimming pool in our garden. Yes we live along the coast, but somehow we all still felt the need to own a pool. We all have fond childhood memories of playing games in and around the pool, or riding our bicycles around the pool, seeing how close we could cut the corners. Inevitably this would end with me falling in the pool with my bike, but that is a story for another day.
One of our favorite games was "Marco. Polo" One person being "on", ie the person who was going to try and catch us all. The person was meant to have their eyes closed. The rest of us had our eyes open and could move about less inhibited. The person who was on, would call, "Marco" and wait for our response. . ."Polo" and then try locate us by the sound of our voice. The game usually was fun in the first few minutes until the person with their eyes closed swam into the wall. usually causing an abrupt ending to the game and combined with the start of angry tears.
Another version of this game was called "Blind Man's Bluff". We would usually play this indoors. I remember playing this often in the one bedroom of my neighbor's house. Again the person who was "on" couldn't see. This time to assist we would usually blind fold them. They would stumble and fumble around the room, trying to locate us, with their head held up at a strange angle as they tried to glimpse out from under the blindfold. Again this game usually ended in injury and tears, especially considering we often played in a room with a bunkbed in it. *rubs head soothingly at the memory*.
How often, as grown ups does life feel like this? When the hard times come? The darkness comes, we stumble and fumble about confused, bumping into things and releasing hot angry tears. I was sitting with a person yesterday, at the hospital where we work. She was waiting for an ambulance to bring her husband in. He had just been involved in a bad accident. She is Christian and one of her responses [which is one i myself have had before, and have heard many - if they are brave enough - voice]. She said this, "Kerri, is that what happens when you serve God?" They were angry words, mingled with hot flowing tears, her heart feeling broken and her mind confused.
Dark days come. There is no rhyme nor reason. They just come. It happens. some things are avoidable, but others just come out of nowhere, and are beyond our control. The truth is, its not just Christians who experience the dark days. Non Christians do to. We sometimes hope that as Christians we get a free pass from trouble. It isn't true. Jesus himself said, "in this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."
I can't find an answer to tragedy or trauma or the "why" questions. I offer no explanations. All I can do, is encourage you to tear off the blind fold and switch on the light. In your darkest hours, don't stay fumbling about in the darkness, seek the light. Its our instinct in the natural. We walk into a dark room and flick the switch to turn on the light. We are driving down a dark road, we turn our lights on. The darker the road, the brighter we make our lights. There is a power outage, and we find a torch or candle. We instinctively look for the light.
In your dark times, don't let the unanswered questions, the uncertainties, the heartache, the bitterness/hurt/ anger etc keep you in the darkness. More than you normally would, in those times seek THE LIGHT!
For one thing i do know, and am confident in, is this....
Psalm 34:18 [in the NIV, MSG, Voice translations]
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.
When someone is hurting or brokenhearted, the Eternal moves in close
and revives him in his pain.
One of our favorite games was "Marco. Polo" One person being "on", ie the person who was going to try and catch us all. The person was meant to have their eyes closed. The rest of us had our eyes open and could move about less inhibited. The person who was on, would call, "Marco" and wait for our response. . ."Polo" and then try locate us by the sound of our voice. The game usually was fun in the first few minutes until the person with their eyes closed swam into the wall. usually causing an abrupt ending to the game and combined with the start of angry tears.
Another version of this game was called "Blind Man's Bluff". We would usually play this indoors. I remember playing this often in the one bedroom of my neighbor's house. Again the person who was "on" couldn't see. This time to assist we would usually blind fold them. They would stumble and fumble around the room, trying to locate us, with their head held up at a strange angle as they tried to glimpse out from under the blindfold. Again this game usually ended in injury and tears, especially considering we often played in a room with a bunkbed in it. *rubs head soothingly at the memory*.
How often, as grown ups does life feel like this? When the hard times come? The darkness comes, we stumble and fumble about confused, bumping into things and releasing hot angry tears. I was sitting with a person yesterday, at the hospital where we work. She was waiting for an ambulance to bring her husband in. He had just been involved in a bad accident. She is Christian and one of her responses [which is one i myself have had before, and have heard many - if they are brave enough - voice]. She said this, "Kerri, is that what happens when you serve God?" They were angry words, mingled with hot flowing tears, her heart feeling broken and her mind confused.
Dark days come. There is no rhyme nor reason. They just come. It happens. some things are avoidable, but others just come out of nowhere, and are beyond our control. The truth is, its not just Christians who experience the dark days. Non Christians do to. We sometimes hope that as Christians we get a free pass from trouble. It isn't true. Jesus himself said, "in this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."
I can't find an answer to tragedy or trauma or the "why" questions. I offer no explanations. All I can do, is encourage you to tear off the blind fold and switch on the light. In your darkest hours, don't stay fumbling about in the darkness, seek the light. Its our instinct in the natural. We walk into a dark room and flick the switch to turn on the light. We are driving down a dark road, we turn our lights on. The darker the road, the brighter we make our lights. There is a power outage, and we find a torch or candle. We instinctively look for the light.
In your dark times, don't let the unanswered questions, the uncertainties, the heartache, the bitterness/hurt/ anger etc keep you in the darkness. More than you normally would, in those times seek THE LIGHT!
For one thing i do know, and am confident in, is this....
Psalm 34:18 [in the NIV, MSG, Voice translations]
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.
When someone is hurting or brokenhearted, the Eternal moves in close
and revives him in his pain.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Don't let the door hit you on your way out
Last night I did something that I never imagined I would ever do. Before I even confess my act to you all, I need to add a disclaimer or two.
1] My parents did raise me with manners.
2] This is not a licence for anyone else to do what I did.
3] This is not the solution to all of your, or my, problems - it is an isolated incident.
So last night, I closed the door on someone. Not spiritually, or figuratively. I literally closed the door in their face, turned the key to lock it and walked away. End of discussion.
So often as Christians we talk about closing the door to sin or patterns of behavior or addiction or offence or generational curses or or or. We figuratively and spiritually mean to put a stop to something. Last night was one of those nights where I was putting a boundary in place in a pattern I have walked in for many years, but it ended up literally being something I had to do.
For years I have frequently found myself in similar unhealthy/abusive relational situations. I kept following the same unhealthy friendship patterns and having it not end well, and walked away wounded and bruised. [I am sure other parties involved felt the same.] In the last year, with a lot of help and prayer and counsel I have started to identify my weak areas and character traits that tend towards these type of friendships. My soft spot, that thing, that personality type that I am destructively drawn to, that keeps me repeating this pattern. That seductive [not sexual] thing that appeals to my weak side, and tempts me to step in. I have also had to start to look at existing relationships and put in stronger boundaries or issue eviction notices [figuratively]. These are difficult things to do, because existing relationships have stronger bonds and are harder to effect change and wounds seem to cut more deeply. But I have slowly and surely made an effort in this area.
Someone helped me realize that I will stand before God and be accountable for myself, [only] and my life. One of my main priorities, besides my relationship with God, is being a faithful steward of WHO HE CREATED ME TO BE. . . If you were house-sitting a gorgeous, freshly painted mansion with a manicured lawn, you wouldn't allow the neighbors to come and throw their bags of trash/rubbish/garbage onto the front porch would you? Imagine trying to explain that to the owner when he returned? "I am sorry there is poop on the front porch, I thought the neighbor might feel judged if I told them not to put it there." or "I am sorry there is garbage scattered over your lawn, causing it to die, but I didn't want them to think I didn't love them if I said no." It sounds a bit ridiculous doesn't it? So why do we, who are bought with a price [the precious blood of Jesus], who have been sanctified and set free, allow others to dump their garbage in our lives? There are so many spiritual cliches to justify it, but no matter what color you paint it, its not godly.
I have walked through so much abuse in my life. And as an adult have become involved in many unhealthy/poisonous friendships and abusive situations. I had to come to the point, as an adult, where i repented for allowing abuse to continuously enter my life. For almost welcoming it [even unwillingly] into my life. This is not God's best for me. We hear of it often, among Christians and non Christians, that abuse victims keep walking back into abusive relationships, or even become abusive themselves. It is not a new thing. So it doesn't come as a surprise that I kept walking out the same repetitive patterns.
Recently a new acquaintance has crossed my path. I didn't see it at first, but soon I realized that this was starting to look a exactly like past unhealthy friendships. It was like my eyes were opened and I could see the trap being laid before me. I am not saying the person is bad, please don't misinterpret. But the situation would become bad if i didn't put in healthy boundaries. so i did just that, I started putting in boundaries. The person ignored the boundaries [another warning sign]. So in a firm but loving way I kept trying to reinforce the boundaries. The person kept trying to bulldoze over those boundaries, i could see this was not going to work. So finally, last night, i stood face to face in my doorway with this person and they were bringing all that garbage toward me and I thought, "No. I have had enough. I don't want this in my life, its unhealthy and wont honor God. I need to shut it down." So I did. I closed the door, locked it with the key, and politely not sarcastically, wished them a good evening. End of story. Boundary firmly in place. Despite being told the way they acted and treated me were inappropriate and unwelcome, they had ignored my words. So I had to put my foot down and draw a tangible boundary. not just so they got the message, but also to reinforce to myself, that i am not walking this path again.
My Freedom is costly, it literally cost Christ His all, His life. I am done with the games, I am done repeating certain patterns. God saved me so that i can enjoy healthy, godly relationship with Him and others. I am not settling for second best. I am done with the hindrances that so easily distract and the sin that entangles, in this area of friendships i am drawing my boundary lines and shutting the door when necessary. I am grateful my eyes were opened to the destructive patterns in my life, ones that before always left me baffled because I didn't know how I kept ending up in the same situations. But now I know and I ain't going there no more.Ii, with God's help, and accountability, and a whole lot of love and grace, am not repeating unhealthy patterns anymore, and am not allowing others to dump their garbage at my door. [or in my life.] I want to enjoy the healthy friendships that can be found in Him.
I know some might not like my stance. Some will think I am being harsh or unloving or judgemental. But boundaries are healthy and they are godly, and they are there for protection. If I had continued to entertain that unhealthy way of relating, from both parties involved, it would have ended up hurting both of us. Boundaries are for our own good and the other person's own good. God is a God of boundaries. You look at creation and you will see His boundary lines everywhere. Where the ocean meets the shore is just an example. Right in the beginning, in relationship with mankind, He was firm with His boundaries. Do not eat of the tree. And once they did, He had to bring, not just a consequence, but another boundary in place.
Genesis 3:24 [the voice translation]
After driving them out, He stationed winged guardians[a] at the east end of the garden of Eden and set up a sword of flames which alertly turned back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
He didn't place the boundary out of spite, but for their own protection. We can't afford to keep letting our boundaries down. So examine your life, and see where you need to take that stand and shut that door. . . preferably figuratively.
1] My parents did raise me with manners.
2] This is not a licence for anyone else to do what I did.
3] This is not the solution to all of your, or my, problems - it is an isolated incident.
So last night, I closed the door on someone. Not spiritually, or figuratively. I literally closed the door in their face, turned the key to lock it and walked away. End of discussion.
So often as Christians we talk about closing the door to sin or patterns of behavior or addiction or offence or generational curses or or or. We figuratively and spiritually mean to put a stop to something. Last night was one of those nights where I was putting a boundary in place in a pattern I have walked in for many years, but it ended up literally being something I had to do.
For years I have frequently found myself in similar unhealthy/abusive relational situations. I kept following the same unhealthy friendship patterns and having it not end well, and walked away wounded and bruised. [I am sure other parties involved felt the same.] In the last year, with a lot of help and prayer and counsel I have started to identify my weak areas and character traits that tend towards these type of friendships. My soft spot, that thing, that personality type that I am destructively drawn to, that keeps me repeating this pattern. That seductive [not sexual] thing that appeals to my weak side, and tempts me to step in. I have also had to start to look at existing relationships and put in stronger boundaries or issue eviction notices [figuratively]. These are difficult things to do, because existing relationships have stronger bonds and are harder to effect change and wounds seem to cut more deeply. But I have slowly and surely made an effort in this area.
Someone helped me realize that I will stand before God and be accountable for myself, [only] and my life. One of my main priorities, besides my relationship with God, is being a faithful steward of WHO HE CREATED ME TO BE. . . If you were house-sitting a gorgeous, freshly painted mansion with a manicured lawn, you wouldn't allow the neighbors to come and throw their bags of trash/rubbish/garbage onto the front porch would you? Imagine trying to explain that to the owner when he returned? "I am sorry there is poop on the front porch, I thought the neighbor might feel judged if I told them not to put it there." or "I am sorry there is garbage scattered over your lawn, causing it to die, but I didn't want them to think I didn't love them if I said no." It sounds a bit ridiculous doesn't it? So why do we, who are bought with a price [the precious blood of Jesus], who have been sanctified and set free, allow others to dump their garbage in our lives? There are so many spiritual cliches to justify it, but no matter what color you paint it, its not godly.
I have walked through so much abuse in my life. And as an adult have become involved in many unhealthy/poisonous friendships and abusive situations. I had to come to the point, as an adult, where i repented for allowing abuse to continuously enter my life. For almost welcoming it [even unwillingly] into my life. This is not God's best for me. We hear of it often, among Christians and non Christians, that abuse victims keep walking back into abusive relationships, or even become abusive themselves. It is not a new thing. So it doesn't come as a surprise that I kept walking out the same repetitive patterns.
Recently a new acquaintance has crossed my path. I didn't see it at first, but soon I realized that this was starting to look a exactly like past unhealthy friendships. It was like my eyes were opened and I could see the trap being laid before me. I am not saying the person is bad, please don't misinterpret. But the situation would become bad if i didn't put in healthy boundaries. so i did just that, I started putting in boundaries. The person ignored the boundaries [another warning sign]. So in a firm but loving way I kept trying to reinforce the boundaries. The person kept trying to bulldoze over those boundaries, i could see this was not going to work. So finally, last night, i stood face to face in my doorway with this person and they were bringing all that garbage toward me and I thought, "No. I have had enough. I don't want this in my life, its unhealthy and wont honor God. I need to shut it down." So I did. I closed the door, locked it with the key, and politely not sarcastically, wished them a good evening. End of story. Boundary firmly in place. Despite being told the way they acted and treated me were inappropriate and unwelcome, they had ignored my words. So I had to put my foot down and draw a tangible boundary. not just so they got the message, but also to reinforce to myself, that i am not walking this path again.
My Freedom is costly, it literally cost Christ His all, His life. I am done with the games, I am done repeating certain patterns. God saved me so that i can enjoy healthy, godly relationship with Him and others. I am not settling for second best. I am done with the hindrances that so easily distract and the sin that entangles, in this area of friendships i am drawing my boundary lines and shutting the door when necessary. I am grateful my eyes were opened to the destructive patterns in my life, ones that before always left me baffled because I didn't know how I kept ending up in the same situations. But now I know and I ain't going there no more.Ii, with God's help, and accountability, and a whole lot of love and grace, am not repeating unhealthy patterns anymore, and am not allowing others to dump their garbage at my door. [or in my life.] I want to enjoy the healthy friendships that can be found in Him.
I know some might not like my stance. Some will think I am being harsh or unloving or judgemental. But boundaries are healthy and they are godly, and they are there for protection. If I had continued to entertain that unhealthy way of relating, from both parties involved, it would have ended up hurting both of us. Boundaries are for our own good and the other person's own good. God is a God of boundaries. You look at creation and you will see His boundary lines everywhere. Where the ocean meets the shore is just an example. Right in the beginning, in relationship with mankind, He was firm with His boundaries. Do not eat of the tree. And once they did, He had to bring, not just a consequence, but another boundary in place.
Genesis 3:24 [the voice translation]
After driving them out, He stationed winged guardians[a] at the east end of the garden of Eden and set up a sword of flames which alertly turned back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
He didn't place the boundary out of spite, but for their own protection. We can't afford to keep letting our boundaries down. So examine your life, and see where you need to take that stand and shut that door. . . preferably figuratively.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
What are the chances??? - part 5
I have to confess to cheating a bit tonight. I had written this encounter down a year ago, when i wrote a book full of my experiences from Albania, as part of my therapy and debriefing.I opened the document today, to copy and paste, and saw that i had named this, which was the final chapter of my book, "What are the chances?". I had completely forgotten I had done that. . . ironic isn't it?
This is one of my favorite life stories. Not just because it was so special and dramatically huge, but because it constantly builds faith in me. If God could do this, what else is He capable of?!?!?! oh the adventures still to come. . . as we do life in Him.
I will read it, and edit it and hopefully add some pictures to it . . . i hope it builds your faith and encourages you as much as it constantly does my life.
what are the chances?
Lets take a journey. In 1997, an Albanian was attending bible college with my brother. Albania had been very influenced by German and the Dutch missionaries. As a result this man had brought with him a book and video cassette
tape. [yes it was that long ago] of a man known as the Rock Priest,
and a band called No Longer Music. [you can Google about them.]
He lent these to my brother. My brother and I loved heavy metal/hard rock/ punk/ thrash. So you knew my brother would enjoy it and my brother, in turn knew i would enjoy it. At
that time arts and arts ministry were not very big in the church. Music [especially in worship was] and occasional dance dramas. It was nothing like it is today.. I was a relatively new Christian at the time. I loved
speech and drama and was considering studying it but I also knew I was called to
ministry. Instead of pursuing a Bachelors Degree in Arts, i chose to attend Bible College in 1998. But that was later in the story.
I remember watching this video of No Longer Music, and reading David Pierce's testimony and something literally ignited within me. God gave me a vision, a literal, detailed vision for a Christian Art Center. I could see
exactly what it would be. With room for lessons to be given, space
for artists, and fashion designers to display and sell. A coffee-shop
with stage for bands to perform when needed. Etc. etc. a safe
environment where non Christians would want to be, and could come face to face
with the creativity of The Creator, displayed through his creation. 
I
believe there is something so powerful in creativity. I believe it is
one thing that cuts through logical arguments. I believe it can
minister to the soul. Even the world uses art therapy to bring healing. it's also probably why David in his lowest moments could
write songs and psalms and find emotional healing. I would truthfully
love to study art therapy from a Christian point of view. I also believe that when we are creative, we display The Creator, and it can reach a man's spirit cutting through his logical arguments. Just like God's creativity through nature leaves man without an excuse but to know there is a God. [Romans 1:20]. a light came on inside of me. . . . back to the story.
And I knew the vision
wasn’t for then. I knew Durban wasn’t ready for it culturally. The vision was so big it scared me, and I
decided I would find someone else I could inspire with the vision and
let them run with it. Come on, I was only 17, it was a bit
overwhelming. And so I tucked the vision in my heart and carried on
with life. And what a journey my life is taking.
Fast forward many years. . . i did 2 years at college, went overseas came back, got on with life, work. Finally i moved to the church where the college is, and God told me to do my third year. To finish what i started. 5 years i had left college i went back to do my Third year. That year the compulsory 10 week mission trip for 3rd year students changed and we were sent to Albania. As you all know i spent many years doing mission work in Albania, in the same church the Albanian student from 1997 attended.
Fast forward many years, it is now 2012, and I am now living full time in Albania. I was about to go home for the first time in 4 yrs. Two weeks before leaving for my
holiday, I was sitting having coffee with my flatmate and a close
friend. My
friend said to us that his deep desire was to be a fashion designer.
And before I knew what happened I answered, “you can have your
clothing range displayed in my art centre” the two of them looked
at me as if I was mad. And I laughed. I remember saying, “wow, I
haven’t thought about that since i was a teenager.” I went on to describe
this vision I had back in 1997. I think we all had a good laugh over
it. And moved on in conversation.
That night I had a phone call from a leader in another church in town, wanting me to have coffee with him and his wife. I assumed it was about youth work, as we were both youth leaders. The next night came and I sat and made
small talk with the couple. Eventually the man says to me, I need to
speak with you about something. Now in my heart instantly I am
wondering, “what did one of my youth do now?” [not to be negative about the youth group, but it had been a rough few months.] This man then says to me, “I have a vision from God and
every time I pray about it, he keeps giving me your name and I don’t
know why.” this intrigued me. I asked what his vision was. And he
started describing word for word my vision for an art centre The same
vision I had remembered the day before after more than a decade of
not thinking about it.
I didn’t hesitate to agree to be
involved in what ever way I could. In fact I think I am still a board
member of the art centre, even though I don’t live in that nation.
We got the documents started to register the organisation and I left
for south Africa
In south Africa, I bumped into people I
had met a handful of times, they lead prayer meetings for nations and
asked if I could come lead an evening praying for Albania. I said yes. That night two people were there.
One was the son of this couple and the other was a person who had
served in a Kosovo, in an arts centre. Even though Kosovo is another nation, it's less than 4 hours by bus from Tirana, to Prishtina. very close indeed. Both
recommended, from having worked with him, that I contact an American missionary staying in Kosovo. He was 3 years ahead of
me in the game of running a Christian art centre within the same
people group and had lots of contacts.
I made contact and within a week of me
landing back in Albania this man came and met with us. All the
pieces clicked into place. It was the start of supportive and joint
ministry, as well as a solid friendship that helped through some of the best and most
difficult times i experienced in Albania. Yes this person did indeed have a lot of practical
advice and a lot of contacts, so my art journey began. We literally hit
the ground running. There was no time to pause or breath or take
anything in. it was supernatural and phenomenal, and really fast.
One thing that came out of working together, and having our art center up and running was that we decided to host a Christian arts festival in Albania, in the city i worked in. It was a big undertaking, and tons of work, stress and fun. It was a time of much conflict but also many miracles.
We had approximately 40 foreigners in town, giving workshops and training in multiple venues. On top of that we were doing outreach in numerous venues and even in the villages. It was the height of summer and a lot of crazy stuff went on, including me being down with kidney stones, while hosting 9 people in our one bedroom apartment that my flatmate and i shared.... that type of crazy. YET God was still God in the midst of it all and little did i factor in the miracles He was doing. It created an atmosphere of unity among churches renowned for their disunity, with pastor's ministering side by side. Hundreds of people responded to the altar calls, and many Christian's had their giftings encouraged and strengthened.
In the midst of it all, God, through all the contacts and connecting of the dots above, brought in No Longer Music, as one of our guest bands!!! i kid you not. For real. The very band that sparked the vision for the art center in 1997 was in Elbasan, Albania 2013 playing at an event arranged for by the fulfillment of that vision, the art center. YES, on top of it, the same albanian man was in the crowd that night, volunteering along side the band. isnt that simply such a testimony of the Goodness of God. imagine what all it took to joint these dots together?
A miracle 15 years in the making. Placing people at all the right places, at exactly the right time along the way. It wasn't easy i am sure, almost impossible But that is why God is God. He made sure the right people where in Kosovo, at the right time to know No Longer Music contacts. He made sure some random South Africans [who had parents who had crossed paths with me] would spend time in Kosovo at the art center. He made sure that when I was in South Africa, i would bump into the parents in a grocery shop, at the same time a prayer night was schedule and the two guys would be visiting. He made sure that an albanian man had the vision for the art center, and gave him my name when he prayed about it. On and on it goes, so many details went into this, but when God pulled the strings, it all fell beautifully into place. There is no way
that man could ever orchestrate these events. I remember thinking in the heat of it all, "What are the chances?" indeed . . . "what are the chances?" .... BUT GOD!
Doesnt that king of make you excited for the future, because if He has already done all this, what else is still to come. . . . i can hardly wait.
Saturday, June 25, 2016
What are the chances? - part 4
I am really enjoying thinking around this topic, and realize that I could write about some many different events in my life. Its truly remarkable to stop and think and see what all has happened in life. What God has allowed and/or orchestrated.
Not just the adventures of life or the travel. Events and circumstances. . . truly i have experienced life on many levels. I have experienced grief and trauma and mourning and tears. I have experienced sickness [even chronic] and healing. I have experienced joy and hope and laughter and creativity. So many many things, its never dull, never boring, never stagnant, always changing. . . LIFE! God looked on created human when He made us and breathed LIFE into us but also declared the word, "LIVE!" over us. While there is breathe in our lungs, ie a sign of LIFE, then there is always Hope. Things can always change, not always the way we want. but Life is for living, even the hard parts. don't try figure them out or understand them. . . someday, they might make sense, or they might not, but even these are part of life. Take heart, as Jesus, even when you have trouble in this life/world for He has overcome the world.
What stands out a lot for me is PEOPLE! i mean what are the chances that i would meet this specific person. [now many people will say that in regards to their spouses or wanting to meet someone famous . . . truthfully i would love to meet BONO!!!!! and also my favorite author "Ted Dekker"! so that i can write a "what are the chances?" blog about those encounters, i would also prefer to meet them this side of heaven and not wait for eternity, YES that is me putting a massive HINT out there...i mean what would the chances be????? thankfully in God, they are not impossible.]
But sometimes people cross our paths, and at the first meeting we have no idea how significant they will be in our lives. It gives us a glimpse into how far God will go to connect paths. I have heard countless stories of these moments in life, and it never ceases to amaze me. And sometimes its just for a single appointed moment, and nothing more. I remember a dear friend shared a story of her flight being delayed in a European country. She sat there alone, and hungry wishing for coffee and a croissant. A woman walked passed her, paused and said, "i am going to get a coffee and a croissant, would you like to join me?" my friend did. my friend is australian, and is a wonderful women of worship, pray and counsel. This woman was a worship leader from canada going through an exceptionally difficult time in her life. A delayed flight, a food craving and a compassionate woman [all God orchestrated] connect their lives for an hour or two in an airport in Europe. Where the australian women could encourage, minister to and pray for the canadian woman, and then their paths parted again, possibly until eternity.
Remarkable what God can do, just to encourage you through other people. What He will reroute, delay or steps he will ordain for just that moment.
I have had so many of these incidents, and each time i think of one, i am reminded of another and another. i challenge you to stop for a moment and consider some of these in your own life. It will really help you see the hand of God on your life.
my most significant moment with God connecting human paths together was when we moved from Johannesburg to Durban, i was about 9 years old. That day the neighbours came and offered biscuits and juice. it was out first encounter. i did not know how this encounter would lead to events that would change my world forever, on so many levels. Their daughter was my age, and they had a son older than me and another son younger than me. We became friends and i was as often in their house as my own house. The father was a pastor. and each week the family would invite me to church and each week i would decline. when i had just turned 15, there older son was looking super cute. I obviously wasn't good at hiding the fact that i had noticed this. The parents eventually upped their game, changed strategy a bit. The next church invitation included the fact that they would ensure i sat next to the oldest son. They also dropped even more bait by saying in the last song everyone held hands. Yup that was just the encouragement i needed. i became a regular church attendee and 3 months later i made a decision to accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and life has never been the same again and i am eternally grateful. 21 years later i have lost touch with that family, but those years together lead to the circumstances that made me who i am today, and opened the door to an eternal relationship with God. incredible!
Another not so chance encounter. i was in England for a sport competition. In one cities we were hosted by a great family. i apparently met the daughter, we swapped addresses and said we would be pen pals. this was in 1995. My family also said that if this girl ever came to South Africa we would return the favour and host her. fast forward many years, of brief correspondence. i finally got an email to say this girl was coming to visit South Africa. She wasn't Christian yet. but God immediately told me that she would come, and on this trip she would not only become Christian, but she would attend bible college. it seemed impossible. But i had heard God. i spoke to her about God a few times but she left to continue her journey along the South African coastline, still not having made a decision to accept Jesus as her Lord and Saviour. but somewhere on her journey, God kept connecting dots, till one day she sat on a beach and encountered a woman and her kids. The woman happened to be a pastor's wife, and it was a moment where lives collided for a heavenly purpose. what joy! this friend later, on the same trip, circled back to Durban, happened to attend a church service talking about the bible college and decided to attend. She also ended up marrying one of my Durban friends. They have lived her and in the UK and are back here again, and have two wonderful little girls. a chance encounter in 1995 was paving the way to this girl [now woman's future] many many years later, and it was far more than any of us could have asked or imagined or predicted.
Not all our encounters are as big or dramatic [though in my next blog i will be sharing my favorite of these type encounters- spanning 15 years and it still blows my mind - so dont miss tomorrow's blog.] Even though they might not be as big or dramatic, they will often still leave a lasting impression on your life. i remember being so down and out and ready to leave Albania at one stage of missionary work there. My friend invited myself and my flatmate to go on a school trip with her, up the mountain. It happened to be to the exact venue and place where God had first clearly spoken to me about being a missionary in Albania.
the picture above is of the place. it was so nice to be up there and reminded of what God had originally shown me. . . but if that wasn't enough, God took it one step further. I was standing on the exact spot I had heard God, reminiscing about what He called me to, reminding myself not to give up. My phone rang. One of my pastors from South Africa phoned to encourage me not to give up and to remember what God had originally called me to in Albania. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!?!?!?!
My flatmate, unwittingly, took a photo of me sitting talking on the phone. Not knowing the significance of the moment. but here it is, a constant reminder of when God nudged different players into the right position at the right time, to drop a word of encouragement, to help me keep on keeping on for the rest of my time in that nation. But more than that, it was a reminder of how far God will go, out of love for us, to intervene in our lives, even in seemingly small ways like a phone call.
captured above, is yet another significant moment where God intervened in my life, to bring encouragement at just the right time, from a friend in South Africa, phoning me whilst i was in Albania. Again accidentally captured in a photo.
As i said i could tell story after story of big and small encounters where God has used people in tiny and huge gestures and situations to connect seemingly random dots and change a life, or simply encourage it. Always reminding us that He truly delights in every detail of our lives. He is over-involved, in a good way. He adores us and will literally move heaven and earth and people all over the earth for us.
Don't forget to come back tomorrow for a story that is almost too exceptional to be true. yet God did it in my life....
Not just the adventures of life or the travel. Events and circumstances. . . truly i have experienced life on many levels. I have experienced grief and trauma and mourning and tears. I have experienced sickness [even chronic] and healing. I have experienced joy and hope and laughter and creativity. So many many things, its never dull, never boring, never stagnant, always changing. . . LIFE! God looked on created human when He made us and breathed LIFE into us but also declared the word, "LIVE!" over us. While there is breathe in our lungs, ie a sign of LIFE, then there is always Hope. Things can always change, not always the way we want. but Life is for living, even the hard parts. don't try figure them out or understand them. . . someday, they might make sense, or they might not, but even these are part of life. Take heart, as Jesus, even when you have trouble in this life/world for He has overcome the world.
What stands out a lot for me is PEOPLE! i mean what are the chances that i would meet this specific person. [now many people will say that in regards to their spouses or wanting to meet someone famous . . . truthfully i would love to meet BONO!!!!! and also my favorite author "Ted Dekker"! so that i can write a "what are the chances?" blog about those encounters, i would also prefer to meet them this side of heaven and not wait for eternity, YES that is me putting a massive HINT out there...i mean what would the chances be????? thankfully in God, they are not impossible.]
But sometimes people cross our paths, and at the first meeting we have no idea how significant they will be in our lives. It gives us a glimpse into how far God will go to connect paths. I have heard countless stories of these moments in life, and it never ceases to amaze me. And sometimes its just for a single appointed moment, and nothing more. I remember a dear friend shared a story of her flight being delayed in a European country. She sat there alone, and hungry wishing for coffee and a croissant. A woman walked passed her, paused and said, "i am going to get a coffee and a croissant, would you like to join me?" my friend did. my friend is australian, and is a wonderful women of worship, pray and counsel. This woman was a worship leader from canada going through an exceptionally difficult time in her life. A delayed flight, a food craving and a compassionate woman [all God orchestrated] connect their lives for an hour or two in an airport in Europe. Where the australian women could encourage, minister to and pray for the canadian woman, and then their paths parted again, possibly until eternity.
Remarkable what God can do, just to encourage you through other people. What He will reroute, delay or steps he will ordain for just that moment.
I have had so many of these incidents, and each time i think of one, i am reminded of another and another. i challenge you to stop for a moment and consider some of these in your own life. It will really help you see the hand of God on your life.
my most significant moment with God connecting human paths together was when we moved from Johannesburg to Durban, i was about 9 years old. That day the neighbours came and offered biscuits and juice. it was out first encounter. i did not know how this encounter would lead to events that would change my world forever, on so many levels. Their daughter was my age, and they had a son older than me and another son younger than me. We became friends and i was as often in their house as my own house. The father was a pastor. and each week the family would invite me to church and each week i would decline. when i had just turned 15, there older son was looking super cute. I obviously wasn't good at hiding the fact that i had noticed this. The parents eventually upped their game, changed strategy a bit. The next church invitation included the fact that they would ensure i sat next to the oldest son. They also dropped even more bait by saying in the last song everyone held hands. Yup that was just the encouragement i needed. i became a regular church attendee and 3 months later i made a decision to accept Jesus as my Lord and Saviour and life has never been the same again and i am eternally grateful. 21 years later i have lost touch with that family, but those years together lead to the circumstances that made me who i am today, and opened the door to an eternal relationship with God. incredible!
Another not so chance encounter. i was in England for a sport competition. In one cities we were hosted by a great family. i apparently met the daughter, we swapped addresses and said we would be pen pals. this was in 1995. My family also said that if this girl ever came to South Africa we would return the favour and host her. fast forward many years, of brief correspondence. i finally got an email to say this girl was coming to visit South Africa. She wasn't Christian yet. but God immediately told me that she would come, and on this trip she would not only become Christian, but she would attend bible college. it seemed impossible. But i had heard God. i spoke to her about God a few times but she left to continue her journey along the South African coastline, still not having made a decision to accept Jesus as her Lord and Saviour. but somewhere on her journey, God kept connecting dots, till one day she sat on a beach and encountered a woman and her kids. The woman happened to be a pastor's wife, and it was a moment where lives collided for a heavenly purpose. what joy! this friend later, on the same trip, circled back to Durban, happened to attend a church service talking about the bible college and decided to attend. She also ended up marrying one of my Durban friends. They have lived her and in the UK and are back here again, and have two wonderful little girls. a chance encounter in 1995 was paving the way to this girl [now woman's future] many many years later, and it was far more than any of us could have asked or imagined or predicted.
Not all our encounters are as big or dramatic [though in my next blog i will be sharing my favorite of these type encounters- spanning 15 years and it still blows my mind - so dont miss tomorrow's blog.] Even though they might not be as big or dramatic, they will often still leave a lasting impression on your life. i remember being so down and out and ready to leave Albania at one stage of missionary work there. My friend invited myself and my flatmate to go on a school trip with her, up the mountain. It happened to be to the exact venue and place where God had first clearly spoken to me about being a missionary in Albania.
As i said i could tell story after story of big and small encounters where God has used people in tiny and huge gestures and situations to connect seemingly random dots and change a life, or simply encourage it. Always reminding us that He truly delights in every detail of our lives. He is over-involved, in a good way. He adores us and will literally move heaven and earth and people all over the earth for us.
Don't forget to come back tomorrow for a story that is almost too exceptional to be true. yet God did it in my life....
Friday, June 24, 2016
What are the chances - part 3
I almost want to dub this the crazy edition. Sometimes when you look back, and think of some of the things you have done. . . you question your sanity. . . but at the time it seemed normal.
For example . . . who gets into a car/vehicle and lets it get rolled into a dam to sink. [with you in it]???? yes, sitting in the car/vehicle as it slowly fills with water, till finally there is no more air to breath, waiting for it to hit the bottom of the dam before pushing the doors open and swimming to the surface. . . ME [and a few other crazy south africans.
excuse the quality of the picture [its a photo of a photo - original taken in 1995], but that is the sinking car. . . it was a lifesaving challenge we took in Belgium. Did i point out, that despite being a professional swimmer, and lifeguard that my biggest fear is drowning. Contrary to popular belief. . . facing my fear did not help. i still fear drowning.
But it is part of the fun and adventure in life. Living life to the full, despite what may come, and even in the hardest times, finding some adventure or some fun, or even a picturesque escape from the storm, even if just for a moment.
Looking back on my time on the mission field and overseas, it is crazy some of the things that i have done. I almost got kicked out of Disney land [don't ask] and was having so much fun at Disneyland that i didnt stop to take a single photo.
i went on the "Big Drop" in Las Vegas [see image below]. . . just because some friend said i should try it. . . did i mention i am scared of heights?
Speaking of heights. . . i also climbed up and down this rock face. . . in Kosovo. [obviously couldn't photograph myself, so took photo of the friend i was following.
it was tons of fun. . . i really do enjoy hiking and rock climbing!!!!!
My current challenge is taking art classes. . . now i know it doesn't sound as extreme as some of the things mentioned leading up to this but its a fear of mine. . . i was so bad as a child, and would get so frustrated at the picture not turning out as the image in my head looked, that i would throw the most horrendous tantrums. [yes me - i am very capable of throwing a great tantrum!] it was so bad that my mom would hide the paper and crayons etc away from me. . . but here i am taking art lessons, in fact i am on my 5th months already. . . and actually enjoying it.
I guess the moral of today's blog, if there has to be one . . . God wants us to have life in abundance. That involves experiencing a whole lot of things. Life isnt always pretty or perfect but its still life.
Don't fear and insecurity or bitterness or anything hold you back from living life. Its not easy. if anyone tells you it is, they are lying.
But it's definitely not boring. Embracing the adventure when you can.
For example . . . who gets into a car/vehicle and lets it get rolled into a dam to sink. [with you in it]???? yes, sitting in the car/vehicle as it slowly fills with water, till finally there is no more air to breath, waiting for it to hit the bottom of the dam before pushing the doors open and swimming to the surface. . . ME [and a few other crazy south africans.
excuse the quality of the picture [its a photo of a photo - original taken in 1995], but that is the sinking car. . . it was a lifesaving challenge we took in Belgium. Did i point out, that despite being a professional swimmer, and lifeguard that my biggest fear is drowning. Contrary to popular belief. . . facing my fear did not help. i still fear drowning.
But it is part of the fun and adventure in life. Living life to the full, despite what may come, and even in the hardest times, finding some adventure or some fun, or even a picturesque escape from the storm, even if just for a moment.
Looking back on my time on the mission field and overseas, it is crazy some of the things that i have done. I almost got kicked out of Disney land [don't ask] and was having so much fun at Disneyland that i didnt stop to take a single photo.
i went on the "Big Drop" in Las Vegas [see image below]. . . just because some friend said i should try it. . . did i mention i am scared of heights?
Speaking of heights. . . i also climbed up and down this rock face. . . in Kosovo. [obviously couldn't photograph myself, so took photo of the friend i was following.
My current challenge is taking art classes. . . now i know it doesn't sound as extreme as some of the things mentioned leading up to this but its a fear of mine. . . i was so bad as a child, and would get so frustrated at the picture not turning out as the image in my head looked, that i would throw the most horrendous tantrums. [yes me - i am very capable of throwing a great tantrum!] it was so bad that my mom would hide the paper and crayons etc away from me. . . but here i am taking art lessons, in fact i am on my 5th months already. . . and actually enjoying it.
Don't fear and insecurity or bitterness or anything hold you back from living life. Its not easy. if anyone tells you it is, they are lying.
But it's definitely not boring. Embracing the adventure when you can.
Thursday, June 23, 2016
What are the chances??? part 2
Writing yesterday's blog about "what are the chances?" has my mind spinning through a million memories and moments. Its quite incredible to see where God can take you and what He can do . . . tonight i am thinking particularly of WHERE God has taken me.
I realized that I have been to at least 10 different countries. . . not counting the countries unless i left the airport and saw some of the country!
I have been to different countries for Sports/Competitions.
I have been to different countries for Evangelism/Mission work.
I have been to different countries as a tourist.
I have been to:
- Swaziland - more than once [cant remember how often]
- Uganda
- Albania - 5 short visits, then a 6th visit that lasted 6 years
- England
- France
- Belgium
-Holland
- Turkey
-Kosovo - 3 times [i think it was only 3]
- America - twice - but i have a feel a few more visits to this country will happen.
Its incredible. If i look at my life i realize that i have always been in the lower income earning bracket, barely making ends meet each month. For at least 6 years of my life i lived only on donations, and yet I have been able to visit so many countries. It is nothing short of a miracle. Indeed it is a miracle.
I remember i used to have a map of the world on my wall and i would pray for a different country each day, longing to visit it. i remember sitting with my atlas, reading the list of countries at the back, marking off how many i had been to and how many i would like to go to. i remember silently whispering a prayer that i would visit all the countries on earth before i die. There is still breath in my lungs and time on the clock and when i look at what God has already done, i know its not beyond impossible. I also know that it has nothing to do with me, that if and when He wants it to happen, nothing can truly stand in His way except my unwillingness to go.
Many of these places and cities or landmarks within cities, where dreams in my heart. Hopes. But God gave my hopes wings.
- Seeing Las Vegas and New York. Spending time in the Louvre.
They seemed far fetched . . . but not in God. And what amazes me is that not all of these trips where ministry related, some where just for fun or sport [literally]. He is bigger than just fulfilling a function, our souls are important to Him too.
I have lived, He has allowed me to travel. I have seen many climates and a diverse amount of scenery. I have met a multitude of people from far more countries than i have visited. I just had no idea that in the last 2 decades of my life, that God could not only take me to so many places, despite not being rich, but that He could cross my paths with so many people from different nations. [I think that I have met people from America, the Caribbean -more than one of its islands, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Germany, England, China, Korea, Australia, Uganda, DRC, Lesotho, Burundi, Belgium, Spain, Italy, Nigeria, Switzerland, France, Holland, Turkey, Brazil, Albania, Kosovo, Macedonia, Romania, India, Israel, Iran, Russia, Greece. . . this is just a quick count off the top of my head. I am sure that there are many other nations that i have had the privilege of meeting people from.
You never know what He has in store. look back, see what all He has done already, and know that in the future to come, He will so do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine by His divine power at work within us.
Dream Big. . . you never know where [literally] He can take you. Don't limit your dreams. Don't limit your God.
Because as much as you might wonder, "what are the chances?" He already has an answer to that question.
I realized that I have been to at least 10 different countries. . . not counting the countries unless i left the airport and saw some of the country!
I have been to different countries for Sports/Competitions.
I have been to different countries for Evangelism/Mission work.
I have been to different countries as a tourist.
I have been to:
- Swaziland - more than once [cant remember how often]
- Uganda
- Albania - 5 short visits, then a 6th visit that lasted 6 years
- England
- France
- Belgium
-Holland
- Turkey
-Kosovo - 3 times [i think it was only 3]
- America - twice - but i have a feel a few more visits to this country will happen.
Its incredible. If i look at my life i realize that i have always been in the lower income earning bracket, barely making ends meet each month. For at least 6 years of my life i lived only on donations, and yet I have been able to visit so many countries. It is nothing short of a miracle. Indeed it is a miracle.
I remember i used to have a map of the world on my wall and i would pray for a different country each day, longing to visit it. i remember sitting with my atlas, reading the list of countries at the back, marking off how many i had been to and how many i would like to go to. i remember silently whispering a prayer that i would visit all the countries on earth before i die. There is still breath in my lungs and time on the clock and when i look at what God has already done, i know its not beyond impossible. I also know that it has nothing to do with me, that if and when He wants it to happen, nothing can truly stand in His way except my unwillingness to go.
Many of these places and cities or landmarks within cities, where dreams in my heart. Hopes. But God gave my hopes wings.
- Seeing Las Vegas and New York. Spending time in the Louvre.
They seemed far fetched . . . but not in God. And what amazes me is that not all of these trips where ministry related, some where just for fun or sport [literally]. He is bigger than just fulfilling a function, our souls are important to Him too.
I have lived, He has allowed me to travel. I have seen many climates and a diverse amount of scenery. I have met a multitude of people from far more countries than i have visited. I just had no idea that in the last 2 decades of my life, that God could not only take me to so many places, despite not being rich, but that He could cross my paths with so many people from different nations. [I think that I have met people from America, the Caribbean -more than one of its islands, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Germany, England, China, Korea, Australia, Uganda, DRC, Lesotho, Burundi, Belgium, Spain, Italy, Nigeria, Switzerland, France, Holland, Turkey, Brazil, Albania, Kosovo, Macedonia, Romania, India, Israel, Iran, Russia, Greece. . . this is just a quick count off the top of my head. I am sure that there are many other nations that i have had the privilege of meeting people from.
You never know what He has in store. look back, see what all He has done already, and know that in the future to come, He will so do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine by His divine power at work within us.
Dream Big. . . you never know where [literally] He can take you. Don't limit your dreams. Don't limit your God.
Because as much as you might wonder, "what are the chances?" He already has an answer to that question.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
What are the chances??? [part 1]
Nope I hadn't skipped a day or forgotten to blog, i just chose to leave it until evening time. Last night i went to art lessons, which means a later than normal night, so i know my Wednesday's don't usually start as well as my other days and i chose not to add the pressure of squeezing in a blog before work. [i know i sound all mature and responsible. . . age does that to a person from time to time].
The other day, i suffered a dog bite,a relatively bad one. It didn't need stitches but a month later the muscle is still bruised and sore, and there is still a hard lump where it is healing. Thankfully it never got infected either. But as the dog ripped through my jeans into my calf muscle i remember thinking to myself, "What are the chances that this would happen?"
I am sure many people have had the same thoughts in both good and bad circumstances. "wow! i never saw this coming?" "how did this happen to me?" "what are the chances that....xyz?"
I can honestly say that i was confident and convinced in my subconscious that i would never be bitten by a dog in my lifetime. I have stared down many big dogs until they ran away. One of my dogs that i rescued in Albania, a fiery provoking brat of a dog, would provoke big street dogs when we were out walking. She was a clever dog, she would stand between my legs and then growl and bark at the big dogs, using me as her shield. Every time i fearlessly scolded and stared down those dogs till they walked away. I walked fearlessly in the streets never worrying about other street dogs, not even at night. So i was totally surprised at this event, even more surprised that it occurred with a dog that knew me. My reality tilted and my mind mused, "i never thought that this would happen."
That alone had the wheels of my brain turning about how many other things have happened in my life that i never thought would happen. so the next few blogs will probably fumble their way around this topic.
it made me remember a time many many many years ago, in my late teens. We were in homegroup/small group/whatever your church calls it. The leader encouraged us to write a list of things we were trusting God to do or wanting to see happen in following 5 years. He encouraged us to really stretch our faith and write some crazy seemingly impossible ideas. We did it, and can i tell you 5 years later all but one had been fulfilled.
When i say crazy some of it was really out there, and a bit random, for example
- i dreamed of going to America. I was waitressing, putting myself through bible college, desperately praying to financially make ends meet. Financially America was a pipe-dream, one that seemed likely to only be accomplished decades later - if at all. Also to try and get a visa etc, it was all impossible. . . except that it wasnt. somehow less than 3 years after writing the list i was on a plane to America to spend many months living in California.
- With that came the fulfillment of another dream, a super random, selfish dream . . . i wanted to go to Disneyland. if you don't live in a country with its own Disneyland, you might not realize how big a dream this really is. . . and yet it too got fulfilled. . . .and if that wasn't enough. . . being in America fulfilled yet another dream . . .
- i wanted to act in a movie. *blush* . True Story. but i did. and honestly, and truly thought this was a dream that would never be fulfilled in my lifetime. . . through a series of random co-incidences - I was visiting people, i had never met before then,[truthfully who's names i don't remember] in a church in a different part of California to where i was staying. At the same time some people [not from America] unexpectedly stopped by for coffee, they happened to be needing people for a Christian film that they were filming and all the dots connected and i was used in a film being shot in California by People from Holland, a film that would be used for Evangelism in many other countries.
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES????
Those random dreams, where important in my heart, and God, who delights in every single detail of our lives, took note, and worked a way, in His plan to fulfill them. Yes it was a delight to see them fulfilled but more than that, it built my faith in Him, and how He truly can do the impossible.
The other day, i suffered a dog bite,a relatively bad one. It didn't need stitches but a month later the muscle is still bruised and sore, and there is still a hard lump where it is healing. Thankfully it never got infected either. But as the dog ripped through my jeans into my calf muscle i remember thinking to myself, "What are the chances that this would happen?"
I am sure many people have had the same thoughts in both good and bad circumstances. "wow! i never saw this coming?" "how did this happen to me?" "what are the chances that....xyz?"
I can honestly say that i was confident and convinced in my subconscious that i would never be bitten by a dog in my lifetime. I have stared down many big dogs until they ran away. One of my dogs that i rescued in Albania, a fiery provoking brat of a dog, would provoke big street dogs when we were out walking. She was a clever dog, she would stand between my legs and then growl and bark at the big dogs, using me as her shield. Every time i fearlessly scolded and stared down those dogs till they walked away. I walked fearlessly in the streets never worrying about other street dogs, not even at night. So i was totally surprised at this event, even more surprised that it occurred with a dog that knew me. My reality tilted and my mind mused, "i never thought that this would happen."
That alone had the wheels of my brain turning about how many other things have happened in my life that i never thought would happen. so the next few blogs will probably fumble their way around this topic.
it made me remember a time many many many years ago, in my late teens. We were in homegroup/small group/whatever your church calls it. The leader encouraged us to write a list of things we were trusting God to do or wanting to see happen in following 5 years. He encouraged us to really stretch our faith and write some crazy seemingly impossible ideas. We did it, and can i tell you 5 years later all but one had been fulfilled.
When i say crazy some of it was really out there, and a bit random, for example
- i dreamed of going to America. I was waitressing, putting myself through bible college, desperately praying to financially make ends meet. Financially America was a pipe-dream, one that seemed likely to only be accomplished decades later - if at all. Also to try and get a visa etc, it was all impossible. . . except that it wasnt. somehow less than 3 years after writing the list i was on a plane to America to spend many months living in California.
- With that came the fulfillment of another dream, a super random, selfish dream . . . i wanted to go to Disneyland. if you don't live in a country with its own Disneyland, you might not realize how big a dream this really is. . . and yet it too got fulfilled. . . .and if that wasn't enough. . . being in America fulfilled yet another dream . . .
- i wanted to act in a movie. *blush* . True Story. but i did. and honestly, and truly thought this was a dream that would never be fulfilled in my lifetime. . . through a series of random co-incidences - I was visiting people, i had never met before then,[truthfully who's names i don't remember] in a church in a different part of California to where i was staying. At the same time some people [not from America] unexpectedly stopped by for coffee, they happened to be needing people for a Christian film that they were filming and all the dots connected and i was used in a film being shot in California by People from Holland, a film that would be used for Evangelism in many other countries.
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES????
Those random dreams, where important in my heart, and God, who delights in every single detail of our lives, took note, and worked a way, in His plan to fulfill them. Yes it was a delight to see them fulfilled but more than that, it built my faith in Him, and how He truly can do the impossible.
Monday, June 20, 2016
so now what . . . ?
I woke up this morning with such an awesome idea for a blog . . . only to realize that I have already blogged about it. *face palm* "doh!"
So now what?
*takes a sip of coffee*
*Waits for inspiration*
*listens to the birds stirring*
Just kidding the birds aren't even awake yet.
Where are all the ideas that haunt my brain when I am trying to sleep, now that i want one, just one of the million, they have all flown the coop. You see that is the type of writer that I am. I am not one who sits and plans and structures. Usually I get an idea and I grab a computer/notepad and write and there you have it. Even with my novel, which will hopefully one day be published, that is how it happened.
I was sitting on the stairs, one spring in Albania. I remember it so clearly. I would sit on the stairs because the walls of it would block the wind coming off the snow mountains, as the sun shone directly down on the stairs. I would sit there, defrosting from the winter, watching the cherry blossoms drifting about on the breeze. It was a cozy place to think and to talk to God.
One day out of nowhere an idea hit me. Almost literally. The cherry blossoms reminded me of a wedding, and confetti being thrown. From that alone a whole story ran through my brain like a train rumbling through a station. It was so vivid that it was almost like watching a movie of it. And the idea of my book was birthed. It was so vivid that it must have been God who dropped it in my brain.
I remember at first arguing that it couldn't be from God because it didn't match the image of God I had in my brain, nor the understanding of scripture. . . i never wrote the story line down at that time, but years later when i started writing, from life experience and lots of God experiences, I fully understood how the story line was much from a God inspiration.
on a side note. . . I have heard people say that inspiration is In- Spirit- tation . . .ie inspired by His Holy Spirit.
Back to what i was saying....true to form, the day came and inspiration hit again and i decided to write the story, I sat at my laptop and wrote for 9 hours straight....i just let it pour out of me.
People had recommended all these programs for me, to use for character development, and plot development etc. I cant do it. I like the discipline, I lack the training. I lack the planning. When it comes it comes, and its there in its fullness. [i tend to be the same when it comes to preacching/teaching].
Thankfully God isn't haphazard in His ability. He has it all together, not just in fullness but in every single tiny detail. He is the Author and Perfector of our Faith. He has written each day down before it comes to pass. He gets it.
He has even factored in when we try go off his storyline. We all have those moments, don't we? Its like people trying to assemble a bought item without reading the directions. The item is completed and looks good, but then we look at the work area and discover a few screws that werent put in, or a significant piece that is still lying on the table next to us. This can happen even in life. But God, the great Author who not only knows the beginning from the end but is the beginning and the end, has it all worked out. We can, if walking along his path, His storyline, take confidence in this. He has it all worked out.
So now what?
*takes a sip of coffee*
*Waits for inspiration*
*listens to the birds stirring*
Just kidding the birds aren't even awake yet.
Where are all the ideas that haunt my brain when I am trying to sleep, now that i want one, just one of the million, they have all flown the coop. You see that is the type of writer that I am. I am not one who sits and plans and structures. Usually I get an idea and I grab a computer/notepad and write and there you have it. Even with my novel, which will hopefully one day be published, that is how it happened.
I was sitting on the stairs, one spring in Albania. I remember it so clearly. I would sit on the stairs because the walls of it would block the wind coming off the snow mountains, as the sun shone directly down on the stairs. I would sit there, defrosting from the winter, watching the cherry blossoms drifting about on the breeze. It was a cozy place to think and to talk to God.
One day out of nowhere an idea hit me. Almost literally. The cherry blossoms reminded me of a wedding, and confetti being thrown. From that alone a whole story ran through my brain like a train rumbling through a station. It was so vivid that it was almost like watching a movie of it. And the idea of my book was birthed. It was so vivid that it must have been God who dropped it in my brain.
I remember at first arguing that it couldn't be from God because it didn't match the image of God I had in my brain, nor the understanding of scripture. . . i never wrote the story line down at that time, but years later when i started writing, from life experience and lots of God experiences, I fully understood how the story line was much from a God inspiration.
on a side note. . . I have heard people say that inspiration is In- Spirit- tation . . .ie inspired by His Holy Spirit.
Back to what i was saying....true to form, the day came and inspiration hit again and i decided to write the story, I sat at my laptop and wrote for 9 hours straight....i just let it pour out of me.
People had recommended all these programs for me, to use for character development, and plot development etc. I cant do it. I like the discipline, I lack the training. I lack the planning. When it comes it comes, and its there in its fullness. [i tend to be the same when it comes to preacching/teaching].
Thankfully God isn't haphazard in His ability. He has it all together, not just in fullness but in every single tiny detail. He is the Author and Perfector of our Faith. He has written each day down before it comes to pass. He gets it.
He has even factored in when we try go off his storyline. We all have those moments, don't we? Its like people trying to assemble a bought item without reading the directions. The item is completed and looks good, but then we look at the work area and discover a few screws that werent put in, or a significant piece that is still lying on the table next to us. This can happen even in life. But God, the great Author who not only knows the beginning from the end but is the beginning and the end, has it all worked out. We can, if walking along his path, His storyline, take confidence in this. He has it all worked out.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
I Give Up!!!!
No,I am not giving up my 77 day challenge. Not so early on in the game, although I do have moments where i wonder "what was I thinking??!!??!?!?!"
But recently I have finally given up, thrown in the towel, and surrendered. Many things led to this point or realization/decision. One is through reading my favorite author and listening to an interview with him. He was talking a lot about the topic of surrender, even in his novels. He uses a word many times called, "Deditio". It is the Latin word for complete surrender. He talks about the concept we find in Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Its a place of letting go of what you think you know, need to know, who you are etc and completely wholeheartedly trusting in God. I know we all talk about this and hope to live like this, but do we?
I realized because life wasn't look the way I wanted it to look, and because it was so exceptionally difficult and frustrating and isolating at this point in time, that it couldn't be God's will. Maybe I should consider plan B.
It wasn't until a good friend, with truly good intentions, encouraged me to go to plan B, literally, plan B being another nation. That something inside my rose up and said, "No because I heard God tell me to come back to South Africa." and that settled it, and suddenly I was back in a place where i could stop kicking and fighting His will, which makes no sense, at the moment and rest in what He told me to do.
I am not talking about presumptions or good ideas, this is something I have heard God on many times. When i moved to Albania, the scripture He gave me all those years ago directly told me that I would return to South Africa. When it came time to leave Albania, again, He clearly showed me to go to South Africa, though i had 5 different options open for me to choose between.
As I have said it sucks here at the moment! It's lonely and isolating and difficult, and on top of it I am still trying to heal my wounds. But whoever said, "If its difficult its not of God" ? or "If it is horrible, its not of God" ? etc. I don't think Joseph woke up in his prison cell rejoicing everyday at how wonderful that rank, dank small, dark cell was. But yet it somehow was a part of God's plan, and God worked it all out.
So now, when the emotions rise, which they often do. When the thoughts cry out. When I look at my life and try make sense of things, because I am currently in a very different place to where I want to be, or where I know I am ultimately called to be, or to be doing. I am consciously saying, "Ok God I don't get this, it sucks, I cant change it. . . so I give it to you, You called me here, You can take care of this."
It's time to leave my story in the hands of the author, He knows the plot, He knows the beginning from the end because He is the beginning and the end. It's time for complete surrender.
But recently I have finally given up, thrown in the towel, and surrendered. Many things led to this point or realization/decision. One is through reading my favorite author and listening to an interview with him. He was talking a lot about the topic of surrender, even in his novels. He uses a word many times called, "Deditio". It is the Latin word for complete surrender. He talks about the concept we find in Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Its a place of letting go of what you think you know, need to know, who you are etc and completely wholeheartedly trusting in God. I know we all talk about this and hope to live like this, but do we?
I realized because life wasn't look the way I wanted it to look, and because it was so exceptionally difficult and frustrating and isolating at this point in time, that it couldn't be God's will. Maybe I should consider plan B.
It wasn't until a good friend, with truly good intentions, encouraged me to go to plan B, literally, plan B being another nation. That something inside my rose up and said, "No because I heard God tell me to come back to South Africa." and that settled it, and suddenly I was back in a place where i could stop kicking and fighting His will, which makes no sense, at the moment and rest in what He told me to do.
I am not talking about presumptions or good ideas, this is something I have heard God on many times. When i moved to Albania, the scripture He gave me all those years ago directly told me that I would return to South Africa. When it came time to leave Albania, again, He clearly showed me to go to South Africa, though i had 5 different options open for me to choose between.
As I have said it sucks here at the moment! It's lonely and isolating and difficult, and on top of it I am still trying to heal my wounds. But whoever said, "If its difficult its not of God" ? or "If it is horrible, its not of God" ? etc. I don't think Joseph woke up in his prison cell rejoicing everyday at how wonderful that rank, dank small, dark cell was. But yet it somehow was a part of God's plan, and God worked it all out.
So now, when the emotions rise, which they often do. When the thoughts cry out. When I look at my life and try make sense of things, because I am currently in a very different place to where I want to be, or where I know I am ultimately called to be, or to be doing. I am consciously saying, "Ok God I don't get this, it sucks, I cant change it. . . so I give it to you, You called me here, You can take care of this."
It's time to leave my story in the hands of the author, He knows the plot, He knows the beginning from the end because He is the beginning and the end. It's time for complete surrender.
Eat! Eat! It's good for you!
Now if you aren't Albanian, my title will mean nothing. If you are Albanian and translate my title, well I apologize for being rude! You see what happened was this. . . I was still learning the language. I was having dinner at a good friend's house, she happened to be pregnant. The husband taught me the phrase, which directly translated to "eat!eat! its good for you". knowing how mischievous the husband was i translated the phrase before using it. It seemed innocent enough.
He told me it was a phrase you say to pregnant women over a meal, like a blessing/encouragement so that baby grows strong. So I used the phrase and was amused to watch the wife immediately turn around and severely scold the husband. As innocent as the words are, the mean behind it was completely different. And of course, once you have learnt a bad phrase in a different language it somehow sticks with you forever.
But seriously, don't you think we should be grateful not just for food, but the ability to taste and enjoy it? Many times when i am eating something really delicious i think, "Thank God for taste buds!". He could have simplified the issue, and created a tablet we pop once or twice a day that is tasteless but provides us with all the nutrition a body needs. But in His goodness He created us with the ability to enjoy food. Not out of necessity but simply out of His goodness. He literally was telling us to eat, and [originally] ALL of it was good for us.
Have you ever not been able to taste food? I have had it happen to me. it was horrible. I vaguely remember not tasting my breakfast one morning,, but didn't think too much of it. Later that morning, at work i ordered my favorite coffee. i remember phoning the barrister and complaining because it had no taste. The guy was gracious enough to make me a second cup, same thing, i couldn't taste it at all. He looked at me, seriously for a minute, and then said, "I think you need to see a doctor, your face is drooping on the one side." true as anything, it was. It turns out i had Bells Palsy. not the worst thing to happen but not nice by any means and for over a month i had no sense of taste, and half my face didn't move as the nerves were attacked. I can say that i took some really funny selfies during that time, and that was long before selfies were even popular. [let me embarrass myself and share a few - excuse the bed head....and the fact that only half my face moved - keep in mind this was many years ago.]
I cant tell you how grateful i was when my sense of taste returned. it was phenomenal.it was like tasting everything for the first time again. YUMMY!
I am a walking contradiction in the area of food. I am incredibly fussy. I don't like the texture of bread or cake or biscuits/cookies. I don't really like chocolate, unless it has nuts in it or mint. I don't like spicey stuff. I don't like slimey textures like avocado. I'm not a huge fan of chicken. The list goes on and on. and if its just me, and i am cooking for myself, then all of these rules apply. [though i find sometimes my taste changes as i get older]....here comes the contradiction....
despite being super fussy and not liking a lot of things, i have the ability to eat anything! its a great help on the mission field, where i have eaten many things i wouldn't normally eat, and eaten other people's portions as well. I can stomach a lot! possibly this comes from a childhood where we weren't allowed to complain about not liking certain food. truthfully if you complained you got double. so you learnt to eat even stuff you didn't like and that has served me well as a missionary. Also as a child i grew up eating things that might not be considered normal. We often ate snails as our starter, when dining out. My sister taught me to eat and enjoy double salted liquorice...so good.
Also i have a theory, that developed as i grew older, was that i couldn't say i don't like something unless i have tried it. [pertaining to food]. this has lead to trying many interesting dishes...here are a few.
- Pilaf [cooked rice dish] - I have eaten this for breakfast, served with fresh natural yoghurt - again its something i really enjoy. in fact i miss eating yoghurt with my rice now.
- Haggis - i really like this! glad i tried it!
- Frogs legs - again really yummy. sadly a bit like chicken but if i could choose between the two, i'd go for frogs legs.
- Plantains - also very yummy. i was informed, on my third helping of them in Uganda, that they were good in helping prevent constipation....OOOPS!
- Sheep's head - everything but the eyeballs - the brain would be great spread on toast.
the list really could go on and on.... but i think to date, my strangest thing i ever ate was.....
raw, chilled prawns, they had been soaked in Sambucca [liquorice flavoured alcohol], and were served with chocolate shavings.... it actually was very nice.
He told me it was a phrase you say to pregnant women over a meal, like a blessing/encouragement so that baby grows strong. So I used the phrase and was amused to watch the wife immediately turn around and severely scold the husband. As innocent as the words are, the mean behind it was completely different. And of course, once you have learnt a bad phrase in a different language it somehow sticks with you forever.
But seriously, don't you think we should be grateful not just for food, but the ability to taste and enjoy it? Many times when i am eating something really delicious i think, "Thank God for taste buds!". He could have simplified the issue, and created a tablet we pop once or twice a day that is tasteless but provides us with all the nutrition a body needs. But in His goodness He created us with the ability to enjoy food. Not out of necessity but simply out of His goodness. He literally was telling us to eat, and [originally] ALL of it was good for us.
Have you ever not been able to taste food? I have had it happen to me. it was horrible. I vaguely remember not tasting my breakfast one morning,, but didn't think too much of it. Later that morning, at work i ordered my favorite coffee. i remember phoning the barrister and complaining because it had no taste. The guy was gracious enough to make me a second cup, same thing, i couldn't taste it at all. He looked at me, seriously for a minute, and then said, "I think you need to see a doctor, your face is drooping on the one side." true as anything, it was. It turns out i had Bells Palsy. not the worst thing to happen but not nice by any means and for over a month i had no sense of taste, and half my face didn't move as the nerves were attacked. I can say that i took some really funny selfies during that time, and that was long before selfies were even popular. [let me embarrass myself and share a few - excuse the bed head....and the fact that only half my face moved - keep in mind this was many years ago.]
I cant tell you how grateful i was when my sense of taste returned. it was phenomenal.it was like tasting everything for the first time again. YUMMY!
I am a walking contradiction in the area of food. I am incredibly fussy. I don't like the texture of bread or cake or biscuits/cookies. I don't really like chocolate, unless it has nuts in it or mint. I don't like spicey stuff. I don't like slimey textures like avocado. I'm not a huge fan of chicken. The list goes on and on. and if its just me, and i am cooking for myself, then all of these rules apply. [though i find sometimes my taste changes as i get older]....here comes the contradiction....
despite being super fussy and not liking a lot of things, i have the ability to eat anything! its a great help on the mission field, where i have eaten many things i wouldn't normally eat, and eaten other people's portions as well. I can stomach a lot! possibly this comes from a childhood where we weren't allowed to complain about not liking certain food. truthfully if you complained you got double. so you learnt to eat even stuff you didn't like and that has served me well as a missionary. Also as a child i grew up eating things that might not be considered normal. We often ate snails as our starter, when dining out. My sister taught me to eat and enjoy double salted liquorice...so good.
Also i have a theory, that developed as i grew older, was that i couldn't say i don't like something unless i have tried it. [pertaining to food]. this has lead to trying many interesting dishes...here are a few.
- Pilaf [cooked rice dish] - I have eaten this for breakfast, served with fresh natural yoghurt - again its something i really enjoy. in fact i miss eating yoghurt with my rice now.
- Haggis - i really like this! glad i tried it!
- Frogs legs - again really yummy. sadly a bit like chicken but if i could choose between the two, i'd go for frogs legs.
- Plantains - also very yummy. i was informed, on my third helping of them in Uganda, that they were good in helping prevent constipation....OOOPS!
- Sheep's head - everything but the eyeballs - the brain would be great spread on toast.
the list really could go on and on.... but i think to date, my strangest thing i ever ate was.....
raw, chilled prawns, they had been soaked in Sambucca [liquorice flavoured alcohol], and were served with chocolate shavings.... it actually was very nice.
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Talking About change . . .
Not only does life change, but we all are constantly changing...sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad and sometimes its simply different, neither good nor bad, just different to what it was.
I know many of us will have a moment where we take a long hard look in the mirror and wonder "where did all that grey come from?" or "when did that start to droop?" etc. our bodies change, our lives change. we change. many of us avoid the mirror, but even if we don't look in the mirror it doesn't mean the change hasn't taken place.
Sometimes its a circumstance that happens that shows us that our values or a part of who we are has changed. This happened to me the other day. I was walking from the parking lot toward a supermarket when the following scene caught my attention. It was so loud it caught everyone's attention. A well built older gentleman had sworn at a car of younger men because they had ignored the stop street by the pedestrian crossing [known as a zebra crossing in South Africa - not because wild life walks around our streets but because its black and white stripes - just putting it out there]. This resulted in the older man almost being hit by the car, and so he swore angrily at them. The car stopped and 5 well built younger men got out and started confronting the older man, it was very heated and quite volatile.
Two things amazed me in this situation. a large amount of people present, all hurriedly walked past and ignored the situation, pretending it didn't exist. This shocked me because the older gentleman was on his own and could have been hurt. Even the security didn't seem to pay it to much attention.
The other thing that amazed me wasn't that I stopped and took it all in, but that I constantly took a step forward toward the situation, to be involved in someway. I had no fear, no idea what I would do once there. None of them needed my physical strength because compared to all involved I am not going to be any good in a fight. But i felt duty bound, almost like a sense of community was magnetically drawing me in.
It did eventually dissipate with the older gentleman walking away like a man should. I followed suite and entered the shop when suddenly it hit me what I had done. "When did i start reacting like that?" "Why did it anger me that no one else took notice?". Somewhere along the line in my life, I had changed. I realized that this had occurred from living many years in Albania which is an honor culture. Where community holds each other responsible and is involved. I used to even have old ladies come up to me on the street and rub my arms and tell me to be careful of catching a cold, if i just happen to be walking without a jersey when the rest of the community felt it was too cold to be without one. It was acceptable. It was normal. It was a way of honoring.
This isn't very present in western cultures, where its we are all about ourselves, and its almost considered rude to get involved in other people's affairs. In fact you can [in some countries even get sued for performing CPR on a person ...imagine getting sued for trying to save a life?].
It also helped makes sense of why i find it difficult to fully fit in and readjust to South Africa. Who i am in many areas,has changed. I compulsively want to be involved in people's lives and have them involved in my life, but I am back in a society governed by busyness and selfishness. [yes it may be culture but lets call it what it is.].
Another area i realized i had changed a lot in, was the area of commitments. In Albania your YES was YES! and your MAYBE was also YES! you were committed and you didn't dare not uphold your commitment because it would cause an almost unforgivable offence. But in this nation, due to busyness and selfishness its acceptable to cancel plans, even at the last minute, or to double book plans or meetings or never follow through on suggested plans. no one thinks its offensive in the slightest.
i have really struggled with this, especially in the church. Thinking Christians should be different. That they should let their yes be yes. and there no be no, as scripture suggests. but someone its not that way. And worse yet, we are meant to not question or be offended if the reason for the changed or cancelled plans is a church event or action. its almost like we are saying, "because its a church activity/service etc that is higher than keeping our word."
Of course being human, created to be in relationship and suffering rejection when not combined with living for years in a culture that honors their word and commitments....well lets just say its a bad combination moving back into a westernized culture. a really bad, and damaging combination.
But we keep on keeping on. i am making peace with the fact that i have changed, i am no longer 100% south african. neither am i 100% albanian. i am a mixture of both, with a touch of american and christian culture all thrown in for good measure. The people i am encountering generally aren't the same combination as i am. i need to find Grace both for them, and for myself. And i need to truly be grateful that God isn't like this. Thank God He Keeps His Word!
Numbers 23:19
God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?
I know many of us will have a moment where we take a long hard look in the mirror and wonder "where did all that grey come from?" or "when did that start to droop?" etc. our bodies change, our lives change. we change. many of us avoid the mirror, but even if we don't look in the mirror it doesn't mean the change hasn't taken place.
Sometimes its a circumstance that happens that shows us that our values or a part of who we are has changed. This happened to me the other day. I was walking from the parking lot toward a supermarket when the following scene caught my attention. It was so loud it caught everyone's attention. A well built older gentleman had sworn at a car of younger men because they had ignored the stop street by the pedestrian crossing [known as a zebra crossing in South Africa - not because wild life walks around our streets but because its black and white stripes - just putting it out there]. This resulted in the older man almost being hit by the car, and so he swore angrily at them. The car stopped and 5 well built younger men got out and started confronting the older man, it was very heated and quite volatile.
Two things amazed me in this situation. a large amount of people present, all hurriedly walked past and ignored the situation, pretending it didn't exist. This shocked me because the older gentleman was on his own and could have been hurt. Even the security didn't seem to pay it to much attention.
The other thing that amazed me wasn't that I stopped and took it all in, but that I constantly took a step forward toward the situation, to be involved in someway. I had no fear, no idea what I would do once there. None of them needed my physical strength because compared to all involved I am not going to be any good in a fight. But i felt duty bound, almost like a sense of community was magnetically drawing me in.
It did eventually dissipate with the older gentleman walking away like a man should. I followed suite and entered the shop when suddenly it hit me what I had done. "When did i start reacting like that?" "Why did it anger me that no one else took notice?". Somewhere along the line in my life, I had changed. I realized that this had occurred from living many years in Albania which is an honor culture. Where community holds each other responsible and is involved. I used to even have old ladies come up to me on the street and rub my arms and tell me to be careful of catching a cold, if i just happen to be walking without a jersey when the rest of the community felt it was too cold to be without one. It was acceptable. It was normal. It was a way of honoring.
This isn't very present in western cultures, where its we are all about ourselves, and its almost considered rude to get involved in other people's affairs. In fact you can [in some countries even get sued for performing CPR on a person ...imagine getting sued for trying to save a life?].
It also helped makes sense of why i find it difficult to fully fit in and readjust to South Africa. Who i am in many areas,has changed. I compulsively want to be involved in people's lives and have them involved in my life, but I am back in a society governed by busyness and selfishness. [yes it may be culture but lets call it what it is.].
Another area i realized i had changed a lot in, was the area of commitments. In Albania your YES was YES! and your MAYBE was also YES! you were committed and you didn't dare not uphold your commitment because it would cause an almost unforgivable offence. But in this nation, due to busyness and selfishness its acceptable to cancel plans, even at the last minute, or to double book plans or meetings or never follow through on suggested plans. no one thinks its offensive in the slightest.
i have really struggled with this, especially in the church. Thinking Christians should be different. That they should let their yes be yes. and there no be no, as scripture suggests. but someone its not that way. And worse yet, we are meant to not question or be offended if the reason for the changed or cancelled plans is a church event or action. its almost like we are saying, "because its a church activity/service etc that is higher than keeping our word."
Of course being human, created to be in relationship and suffering rejection when not combined with living for years in a culture that honors their word and commitments....well lets just say its a bad combination moving back into a westernized culture. a really bad, and damaging combination.
But we keep on keeping on. i am making peace with the fact that i have changed, i am no longer 100% south african. neither am i 100% albanian. i am a mixture of both, with a touch of american and christian culture all thrown in for good measure. The people i am encountering generally aren't the same combination as i am. i need to find Grace both for them, and for myself. And i need to truly be grateful that God isn't like this. Thank God He Keeps His Word!
Numbers 23:19
God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?
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