A South African's Tribute to a Great Man . . .

As South Africans we mourn the death of President Nelson Mandela.... at his passing i, despite not being present in my country, mourn along with my fellow country men . . . the news is overflowing with stories directly or indirectly related to Nelson [even some stories that try detract from his life and story - like our non sign sign-translator] . . . he is reffered to as president, madiba, Tata, Moses, Jesus, a saint, a terrorist and everything in between.  and i know the truth is that he has been one of the most globally influential men of history. . . but is he all he is cracked up to be?

This period of time has made me really question where i stand on my opinion about him. . . i know a lot of south africans dreaded his passing more out of fear of what would happen in the country than out of sorrow at his death. i know many many people are now exposing his darker side, and the fact that the country is in a far worse state than its ever been since the ANC took over...that we are now a nation plagued with hideous violence and poverty and disease. i know there are others that attribute him as being the saviour of south africa, reconciling the whites and blacks and avoiding a potential civil war. so what is the truth? i dont think we will ever know the full truth. . . .questions scream out from my mind.... if He [Nelson] was so great, why did the country end up such a mess from his rule and onward? why is the country now the rape and murder capital of the world? why is AIDS an epidimic in my nation? why are babies being raped? if He [Nelson] was so great why did he condone violence and communism and political dictators like Gaddafi? how can a tree with a bad root produce good fruit? so if the fruit coming through him and the party he lead start to show itself for what it truly is... what is His [Nelson's] true root? good or bad? saint or sinner? but then how did we miss a civil war when apartheid fell? how did this terrorist who loves violence implement the TRC and not overthrow the country in bloodshed?.....and then i realised something....the reason is because HE IS SO GREAT! and this time the HE is Jesus. [all those not wanting to hear truth can stop reading at this point.]

but when i look back on my countries history.... at the time of the shift and change... the church was on its knees praying like it has never prayed before . . . and if i need to pose one question . . .who has the power to change a man's heart and touch is spirit, God [Jesus] or Mandela?. . . .i think we all know the answer. . . the reality is that South Africa was [and still is] predominantly a Christian nation. . . and God in response to His people's cries for help can use even a terrorist communist leader to implement a system of forgiveness and can touch a peoples hearts and settle their land.

 my tribute today is not to my former president, who was one of the most influential people of all time....but my Tribute is to the one, Jesus - truly the most influential man in all of HISTORY - upon who and about whom all History hinges, who saved my soul....taught me what true forgiveness is and turned my heart from wickedness toward Him and righteousness. . . my tribute is to my God, the true and living one, who moved on behalf of His peoples cries and prayers and spared their land. . . To the God who holds the leaders/kings heart in His hands.

Proverbs 21:1

In the Lord’s hand the king’s heart is a stream of water that he channels toward all who please him.

South Africa, yes we are in a mess....yes you live in fear for your lives and your children's purity every day, yes it seems impossible....yes is seems like its still speeding downhill toward destruction....but you are still close to a 70% christian nation and therefore still serve the same God who could take a violent communist of a man and use him to faciliate the start of change in your nation....God is still alive and kicking and alert and listening to your cry. [IF ONLY YOU WOULD CRY OUT!] . . .He is still all Loving and all powerful. .. and He is more than able to rise up and show himself faithful on your, and my nations behalf,.... if only His people who are called by His name would humble themselves and pray. . .

2 Chronicles 7:14

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

i beg you give honour where honour is due.... Yes acknowledge and mourn the passing of a powerful leader that was mightily used.... but true glory for the supposed good doesnt lie on his shoulders, it lies on God's....praise him [God] for what he has done. . . praise Him for the fact that you are still alive despite living in the murder and rape capital of the world. [despite not being there -at the moment -  i praise him for escaping 2 violent hijackings with my life....cause God still has a plan.] . . . so praise Him! and then continue to trust Him and cry out to Him for our nation....our nation can be saved... our nation can be changed even in a day because of who HE is....so my tribute to the greatest man in history doesnt go to my fearless  president  who has now passed on.....it goes to Jesus Christ, the all loving all powerful Saviour of the world.

1 Chron 16 : 8 - 11
Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name;
    make known among the nations what he has done.
9 Sing to him, sing praise to him;
    tell of all his wonderful acts.
10 Glory in his holy name;
    let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
11 Look to the Lord and his strength;
    seek his face always.

Pray for This Precious Little One

 I would like to introduce you to a special little girl, i
cant give her name at this time. . . but God knows who she is. . . i met her at an orphanage this week and her story has gripped, and broken my heart.

as i share some of the details of her life, i ask that you please join me in praying and trusting for a miracle for her. i have seen God on countless occasions move miraculously on behalf of these abandoned souls. . .and i know HE IS MORE THAN ABLE AND MORE THAN WILLING!

She is roughly 2 years old and has only very recently been given to the orphanage.

Her mom died while giving birth to her.

She was born almost completely deaf.

She was born with epilepsy.

The people who raised her were on the street as beggars, and she lay face up in a pram all day. . . as a result of continuously looking up into the sun, she                                                                                       has become blind.

She is malnourished and very weak.

They say she doesnt like to eat, IF they can get
her to eat, it is only food with sugar in it. she wont
eat anything that isnt sweetened.


they say she fights food time and spits it out.

She is too weak to sit up properly for feeding and has to be cradled like a baby and spoon fed.


I managed to feed her on my last visit and she did ok.

She lay peacefully in my arms and ate well for me.

They say she is sick, but wont tell me with what.

They say she will die. That its a matter of time, maybe
one month or two...maybe a year.

because of this they wont put her on the list to be
                                                                                    available for adoption.

All seem to have accepted her death as inevitable, and are just waiting for it to happen.

i hear what they say, i do... it breaks my heart. i hold her and she cries and it shatters me emotionally. . . but at the same time i know the God i serve and have seen HIM DO MIRACLES SO OFTEN...so i hear what they say, but i choose to believe what my GOD CAN DO!

and all i ask, is that you join along side me, in faith, trusting GOD TO INTERVENE in this little one's life.

now showing on heaven's big screen . . .

You know you read about this huge life changing events in someone's life... where it seems like time stands still or the planets shift... and life as you knew it would never be the same again.... imagine an event with more impact than that...one that literally shifts eternity...not just the here and now, not just life as we know it... but where eternity itself is impacted and changed.... now imagine missing out on that event. . . because that is what i did this week... i missed out on one of the biggest events that could ever happen.

True story. . . I missed it. I didnt miss it by choice. . .i just happened to be thousands of miles away from the event. . . but none the less...i missed it.

so what was this monumental occasion . . .my precious father got baptised! There are no words, and if I even try express my emotions would suffocate it out. . . so I am not going to try. I am so proud of him and the decisions he has made. . . and I am telling anyone who even glances in my direction all about him. . . but sadly I wasnt physically present for the occasion. . .my brother got the honor of not only being there, but also of helping baptise our dad and I can honestly say that makes me grin from ear to ear... I am so so so glad that my brother was part of it.

So here is a picture of the occasion...i am so grateful that technology allows for us to catch glimpses of special moments in our loved ones lives even though we might be separated by distance. Skyping with a dear friend today, yet another perk of technology, dropped an amazing insight tonight and I cant hold back but write about it. . .

She said that she knew I was probably a bit disappointed that I was not physically present for this occasion. And it would be a normal emotion to have amidst the great joy. But that one day, when we are in heaven, I would get to see it in a “replay” except far better. Instead of seeing an image or video like on a tv screen, I would get to see it in vivid colour, 3D and probably larger than life, watching the experience of my dad's baptism. to be able to enjoy all the sights and sounds of the occasion.... BUT wait there is more... I would not just get to see the moment but I would get to see the spiritual impact of it, the angels celebrating in joy etc etc... the whole package would be revealed to me. And that even though it feels like I missed out on it now, when in reality I will get to embrace the fullness of it. and that i would not only see all of this... it gets even better. i would get to see the whole picture, the journey leading up to the point of baptism and every little thing along the way that impacted my dad and drew him closer to God. . . WOW! i can barely comprehend how awesome that moment will be. 

It reminded me of that scripture in 1 Cor 13 where it says, “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.”

the day will come... when I will see and know the whole picture not just the glimpses I see today. at this rate eternity is going to be anything but boring. . . i can hardly wait. i am so glad that my friend shared her insight with me... and how it encouraged me... i am so glad at the goodness of the God we serve and that this life is not all we have... but that eternity awaits and its so much better than anything i could ever have asked, hoped for or imagined.

so for those of you struggling out there, with time and distance and missing loved ones....remember in this life they, and we, get the benefits of living a fasted life as we give up our countries and loved ones to serve God. [look at Isaiah 58 for a glimpse into some of the benefits of a fasted life] but we have so much more to look forward to in eternity...so keep on keeping on.... keep on pursuing Him and His Will and know that we will taste and see that our Lord is good....keep those eyes, and hearts fixed on the Hope of eternity. 

Achoo - cough - splutter - do you have the same disease as me?

I was mid blog on a completely different topic to the one i am about to share... but then someone poked this button tonight and i decided that i needed to VENT!!!! so here it comes.... are you sure you are ready to handle it???? if not.... feel free to stop reading here.

Having just attended yet another social setting made up of “non-single” people who deem it appropriate to parade my singleness in front of everyone else, pointing it out like a flaw or a something that needs fixing, and trying to rally support in their cause to cure me.... I would just like to say....

singleness is not a sickness!

In fact I don't want to just say it, I want to shout it out loud, print it on a t-shirt....design a billboard or something. So that people will finally get the message!

Singleness is not a sickness, nor a weakness, nor a flaw and it doesnt make me inferior or second rate to you.... my identity and self-worth and value are based on who I am in Christ, not on whether I am married or single.

I am so tired of people treating me like there is something wrong with me or like i am second rate just because I am single. And i am tired of them constantly passing comments or trying to “Cure” me. . . for real!

I am currently living in a society / culture where marriage is almost a god …. it is the mark of a woman. You may not be called a woman until you are married. You can be in your 50's and they will still use the same word for you as they would for a little girl . . . you need a man to be called by their word for woman.

Every day I have lived in this nation someone has toasted me wishing I get married soon and asked me why I am still single. In the 5 years I have lived in this nation I literally have not had a single day pass without a single comment about my singleness.... and truthfully I am now tired of it.

I constantly have people adding in their 22 cents worth . . . no that is not a typo, I know “2 cents” worth is the expression but on this topic people always seem to be more than generous with their opinions.

I have been told that I am too thin and so I don't look strong enough to be a wife, and that is why I am single. In fact the ones who offer this opinion often do it with a plate of food in hand ready to fatten me up.

I have been told I am too independent or too strong or my hair is too long or too short or not blonde enough or not dark enough or I should wear make up or I am wearing too much make up etc etc etc....they are always quick to find that elusive flaw that they can fix to cure me of my singleness.

I have had Christians ask me if there is sin in my life and is that  the reason I am single? I have also been told directly that I am in sin because I did not come straight out of my father's house and under a husband's authority. I often feel like saying to them, “i wasn't aware of any sin in my life, but your questions and statements are bringing me awfully close to sinning in my response...” but instead I smile sweetly and count to 10 under my breath.

I have had Christians tell me that I have “missed the boat”, because I was too fussy. . . I have had them also tell me to marry an unbeliever, because rather that than be older than 30 [just a little over 30] and still single. Really? So its ok to sin, as long as it means I get married?

I have been told that I will never be respected or have any influence in ministry as a single. [and no this is not just a woman thing because a MALE friend of mine who happens to be single was told the same thing....so in line with that I guess we should all remove the life of Jesus and Paul from the bible because clearly as singles they couldn't be effective or respected according to this logic!]

And let me not even get started on the ones who are continuously match making and trying to set me up, or pointing out my singleness in public gatherings trying to gather the support of other friends in the hope of finding the elusive cure for this disease that I have.

So let me set the record straight....

singleness is not a sickness any more than marriage is the cure.

My identity and worth come from Christ and His love for me and WHO he created me to be, not from whether or not I have a ring on my finger and a guy on my arm.

Marriage is not eternal! Sorry to rock the boat here! But when the end of days comes and we are up their in heaven, Jesus told us their would be no marriage. So why obsess and stress over something that is not even eternal? 

And if we really get down to it, marriage is not our entire lives either! We are not born married and stay married till the day we die.... we are only married for a portion of our lives, and as much as we hope to have long fruitful marriages, most will only be married about 50 years, which is LESS than half the years you are alive!

Before you all go thinking I am an anti-marriage feminist let me clarify. . . I believe in the covenant of marriage ordained by God. I believe, strongly, that it is part of God's plan and design, right from the beginning and that it is beautiful and it is GOOD!. . . I believe it is the only relationship that can fully display Jesus' love for the Church, which he refers to as His Bride. I believe it is the thing that reveals one of the great mysteries of the pursuing love of Christ for us. I believe it is a strong relationship that has unity which brings the blessing of God and can be a great testimony to both believers and unbelievers. I really do want to be married one day and I really do want to have children, both biological and adopted. . . I really do believe they are PART OF GOD'S PLAN for my life. . .

I do not believe that they are the only part of God's plan for my life. [I do believe,as the bible says, that some are called to celibacy.... personally I hope I am not and choose to trust for marriage one day], I do not believe that God's plan for my life can only start once I am married, or only be fulfilled if I am married. There are many great men or woman who fulfilled God's plan as singles, because being single was part of His plan for them.

When I first came to serve full time in this nation, I went through a stage of being VERY discouraged. . . I had been told by many that it would be better if I returned to South Africa, got married AND had a child and then came back to be a missionary in Albania. I was told I would never be respected here unless I was not only married but also had become a mother.... I was walking home one night, along the main boulevard, with the lights casting shadows across the old city walls... and I was belly aching to God about how difficult it was and how much easier it would be if I was married, and how tired I was of all the comments.... just really having a good moan, feeling almost ready to pack my bags and follow their advice.... but then the still small whisper of God resounded in my soul and he simply said, “if I needed you married to be here, then dont you think you would have been married already?” it was a clear question that adjusted my attitude. God knows what he is doing, if he needed me here as a married person then that part of my life [unless I was stubbornly in rebellious sin as some think I am] would have happened. . . He had a specific reason and purpose for bringing me as a single woman into this city, this nation, at this time. . . and until He tells me otherwise, and brings some prospects across my path, I am not running in that direction.

I will keep walking in what HE has called me to do, as best I know how, with a heart that seeks to serve Him first, and to build eternally. . . I have learnt to find my joy and satisfaction in Him, so much so that if he doesn't ever bless me with the gift of marriage in this lifetime, I would be ok. the discouraging comments havent let up, if anything they are stronger each day, and i have really had to dig deep into the things of God and find refuge in WHO he has created me to be, too be able to stand under the constant pressure.

I refuse to give up on what I know God has called me to, in this time, just so that I can pursue marriage. . . I will not give my inheritance to another just so I can enjoy the gift of marriage. Instead I choose to pursue Him and allow Him to work out the other details in my life.... by Faith. He knows its not good to be alone, and just like with Adam, HE IS MORE THAN ABLE of taking care of that department when HIS time is right!

I will not settle for second best. . . call me fussy but I do have my standards... I will not be unequally yoked! That is just not an option....so don’t expect me to compromise my beliefs just so that I can be married. I want a husband who is pursuing God and the things of God, not one who has his eyes stuck on the temporary things.... and I am prepared to wait for this.

I want my marriage one day to be that marriage that honors God, glorifies God and reflects who He is and how He loves.... something like that is worth taking time over and waiting for... so excuse me for not running into a marriage with any guy who crosses my path just because he is single and christian.

I want God's best in my life, I am not a consolation prize for anyone and I do not want a consolation prize.... its God's best or its nothing... and I am prepared to wait. [and in that waiting let Him work on who I am, so that I can be a good wife to whoever I marry some day] I honestly would rather be single than married to the wrong person just for the sake of being married. And I am also prepared to wait as long as it takes, as opposed to rushing into marriage just because I am in my 30's and passed my “sell by” date according to certain people's opinions.

Don't get me wrong.... I really do appreciate your concern and prayers for my singleness.... I know many of you are just worried about me being alone or lonely or missing my peek child bearing years. . . and I know many of you are well meaning in your efforts to cure my singleness. But i urge you next time my "condtion" comes to mind, take it up with the Doctor instead of telling the patient [me] what you think my ailment is.... rather pray for me, as i earnestly seek Him and His will, instead of trying to be my Doctor and cure me.

yours sincerely

an infected woman.  

You dont know what you have until . . .

i know many of you straight away wanted to complete that sentence with . . . "until its gone" ..... *beeep* wrong answer.

i learned this week, you dont know what you have until you take a moment to open your eyes and appreciate it.

This week has been the Christian Arts Festival . . . this week has been one of the most difficult weeks of my life.  [Those of you who receive my prayer updates have a glimpse into some of the goings on.] . . . so much opposition from within and without. . . so many random things going wrong. . . so many of us letting our own characters get in the way etc etc... and on top of it health issues.

its a time of feeling like i was floundering and in the midst of it all a kidney stone decided to make its presence felt. [yes i thought they had all gone] . . . and took me out of action in the last days. . .

i remember lying on my neighbor's couch, where i slept a few nights while sick, and thinking . . . "i should be feeling sorry for myself but i am in too much pain to care." and in the very next moment. . . i knew that wasnt true . . . i wasnt  feeling sorry for myself because i was so overwhelmed with gratitude for my friends [and family] who had stepped in and carried me and this event in so many different ways.

the ones who arent in this nation but upheld us and the event with prayer [and event fasting].

the ones who sent through text messages and emails and facebook moments asking how it was going.

the ones who supported it financially.

the ones who rejoiced in the salvations and small victories alongside me.

the ones who gave up work to come and volunteer where needed during the festival.

the ones who ran themselves ragged running errands and driving too and fro.

the one who got off a plane and walked straight into being an active organiser even though they are not involved in the Art Center at all . . . and then later proceeded to pick up all my responsibilities when i was sick.

the ones who talked me down out of my moods when things went wrong.

the ones who made me laugh. . . when i wanted to cry.

the ones who let me cry.

the one who came for a holiday and to meet people but instead ended up serving.

the new friends who served, sang, played and danced their hearts out for the sake of the lost.

the ones with the comforting arm around the shoulder when things failed, in the beginning.

the ones who kept coming back to the shows just to show support.

on and on and on this list could go . . . . yes it was my most difficult week. . . yes a ton of things went wrong. . . yes i am tired of being sick . . . but yes its been one of the most beautiful week as i stand truly amazed at the friends God has brought into my life. . . they are a true treasure and delight . . . and i am truly grateful.

so i would just like to say THANK YOU!

Little Miss Sunshine - a tribute to my daddy

My internet sadly wasnt working on Sunday for Father's day.... so this post is a few days late.... but i really want to take a moment to proudly and unashamedly declare that i am a Daddy's girl.... through and through.

YES! i might be 33 . . . but i can honestly tell you that as each day, week, month, year go by . . . i become more and more a daddy's girl.... he has me wrapped around his little finger. [though i think my mom might say its the other way around.]

My dad and i have not always seen eye to eye or held the same beliefs or opinions... but one thing i can always rely on is his support. . . 100%! i know my dad has my back. i never have to doubt it. i am so grateful because many times i am embarking on what appear to be crazy notions, like giving up a job to go to bible college or packing my bags to move to a  foreign nation and even if things go south, i dont get a  "i told you so" ... i get a shoulder to lean on.

of course he will always share his honest opinion . . . but he always loves me and is there as a support. through him i start to see and understand more of God's heart as a father. . . No  my dad is not perfect BUT he is my hero and he has my heart. 

He does admit that he might have set the bar a bit high for whoever my future husband is, and asked me to make peace with the fact that they wont measure up to him . . . but i am not scared cause i can always send them to him for training.... ha ha ha.

Daddy . . . the road wasnt always easy, we werent always close... but over the years we have forged a strong bond which i wouldnt exchange for the world. . . from dancing together at my Matric Dance, to dancing together in the kitchen the one time i was sick, while you sang to me. [yes i was in my 20's already but you are never too old to dance with your daddy] . . . to the sweet gestures, literally, like the occasional chocolate left on my pillow case.... to encouraging me to keep on keeping on when things get tough as i follow my dreams.... to giving me advice on what you would want for me in a husband. . . and so many more memories... for the laughter and hugs.... and the crazy blue hat of yours which is as much a part of the family and all our memories as we are.... for always calling me your sunshine!

thank you! thank you! thank you! i love you.... here's to many more memories together!

Romance vs Reality . . .

Do you all remember those cheesy perfume / deodorant advertisements on the t.v.? Where a gorgeous girl sprays herself with whatever the product is and then later you see her, in a gorgeous flowy summer dress, hair glistening in the sun, a spring in her step walking down the street and complete strangers [guys] suddenly give her flowers or burst into song. . . and its all so picture perfect and romantic. . . and every girl watching lets out a despondent sigh, wishing she could have it happen to her . . .

Let me please drown this pathetic fake romantic notion with a heady dose of reality.... IT IS NOT ROMANTIC having guys burst into song just because you walked passed them . . . maybe the first time its flattering but honestly, it can be a downright nuisance. Now I know many woman who just read what I said think I have lost it completely, and maybe the summer sun has gone to my head a bit today. . . but let me give you a glimpse into some of the frustration of life.

Strolling from my house to the Art Center today, a 15 minute walk . . . dressed in shorts and t shirt, my braids tied back and sweat staining my armpits . . . I was not the picture of the ideal perfume advert lady. . . quite the opposite... but let me tell you in that short amount of time I was serenaded 5 times. . . .count them... 5!!!!!

it gets a bit much after a while, I had a guy pull up next to me in his vehicle, come to a complete stop, blocking traffic, roll down his window and burst into song. . . I had a swarm of 4 teen boys encircle me and start singing while I strolled through the park etc etc. I dont think in the last 4 years I have made it through a day without being serenaded. The simplest action like buying bread can often have a complete stranger lean on the counter next to you and start singing. . . and dont even get me started on the invites to go “drink a coffee” with them. . . especially not on the guys who are so persistent they follow you for almost half an hour till you seek help in getting rid of them.

Welcome to being a single foreign girl in elbasan. . . its not that I am drop dead gorgeous, and oddly enough its not cause I dress like a super model... the once, in the height of winter I was dressed in snowboots, a snowjacket, gloves, scarf, jeans and a hat and someone still hit on me. . . [how they saw there was a person under all those layers is still a mystery to me.... but anyway] . . . the simple fact is I am different to them . . .i am foreign and single [unchaperoned] and don't look like them and so its their right to sing to me, flirt with me, follow me or ask me for coffee or even pinch my butt! [or some a lot of them think]

All my daydreams of how great it would be to feel desired just by walking down the street were shattered because its imposing itself on you, its treating you like a piece of meat, just an object of lust until the next one walks passed with the aroma of romance.... its far from honoring. . . and its a bit disconcerting to be honest.

Yes I could choose to allow myself to be flattered by it and to feed that thing, but its false. Its not because they have any idea of who I am or what I am about. I simply just walked past them on the street. Its LUST not romance. I want to challenge Christian woman out there, careful what you long for and careful what you feed... God has so much more in store for you, only the best and a life with TRUE LOVE not passing lust based on appearances or because a romantic song was stuck in their brain as you walked passed them or because you smelled like roses!

I have to constantly put my blinkers on and tune out to the world as I walk down the street. . . choosing to remain PURE because my PURITY came at a great cost, His Blood! Choosing not to entertain the flesh and its lusts, but to remain true to who He created me to be. . . I had a random memory this morning, from my first “slow dance” as a christian.

I will share it here, because it is humorous

but also it is a loud statement . . . I was a baby christian, a few weeks old in the faith. . . I was only 15 years old. . . the youth held a Valentines dance. . . and I chose an older, christian friend to go with. . . handsome he was indeed with long brown hair and dark brown eyes. . . so I got all dressed up. . . [I wont describe my outfit cause it was just after the 80's hit and our fashion mishaps are best left forgotten.] so we had a great night together, dancing in a group, snacking from the table etc... and then the lights dimmed and it was time for a couple dance... again unrealistic romantic notions run through your mind of the joy of dancing with such a handsome man.... and as he led me to the dance floor I will never forget the song.... it was from DC Talk and the song was. . . “what if I stumble?”

enough said.

Keep your focus on reality! Keep your heart PURE. Walking in repentance and holiness... because sin crouches at the door . . .and its too easy to fall.

Philippians 4: 8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

a quote from A.W.Tozer

"sin will always take your further than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay and cost you more than you wanted to pay!"  

Death : Friend or Foe.

This year I have had to face the sad reality of death too often. The month was no different, and this previous week was again a tragic reminder. As I look back over my life I have had to come to terms with this fact: Whether we like it or not, death is a companion of life, ever present.

So is it friend or foe?

[as morbid as this theme might seem, I urge you to read to the end...as I stare this thing in its face.... but I promise there is Hope to be found.]

I think my first experience of death [that I remember] was when we had a dog put down. We were still living in Johannesburg, so I was younger than 9 years old. I had no real understanding of death and in fact I think I was glad because it meant we could keep the stray cat we had found because we had no dog any more. I think I laughed at Death because I didnt understand the pain.

I know we buried my grandfather and my grandmother while I was young, but it didnt seem to leave a scar on my heart, I dont remember shedding a tear. . . perhaps again I was too young to grasp the finality that it could spell. . . or does it? I was numb to Death because I didnt understand its reality.

From the age of about 14 till 18, I became fascinated with death. . . I still didnt grasp the severity but it intrigued me and drew me in. . . it was a dark time of my life [and also the time my aunt passed away and I felt for the first time the pain of a death]

black was my favorite colour, morbidity my friend and at least 2 suicide attempts, along with countless thoughts and plans to end it all . . . hating life, longing for death's kiss. . . until the day I met TRUE LIFE! And suddenly life seemed to take on colour [now days some might argue a tad TOO much colour is in my life as you need sunglasses to cope with my wardrobe] and Hope started to take root in my soul . . . there was MORE to life than DEATH. . . there was LIFE in LIFE! He is the source of TRUE LIFE!

And so I began my journey a new, re-born in a sense, this time grasping LIFE was meant for living, not for death. . . fast forward a few years and again death's presence creeped into my life  . . . this time in a sickness that threatened to snuff out the life I was embracing. But this time a new emotion surfaced... FEAR!

This time I knew LIFE and I didnt want to loose it, I feared DEATH . . . for 7 years I was an anxious mess, desperately pleading, begging, fighting not to walk down the path of DEATH that I once longed to for. I had LIFE and I was too scared to let go of it. To scared of the PAIN. To scared of the finality. And miraculously the LIFE that was in me brought forth healing, and again I had fullness of LIFE. . . or so I thought.

not long after I faced death again . . . my other grandmother was nearing Death's door. . . i remember her being so frail, yet she knew she had LIFE waiting on the otherside. i watched her and wepted with her as she prayed to go "home". . . a sadness was present but at the same time a hope and joy. . . it was a side of death i hadnt seen before.

This year death has come knocking. . . a close friend in her early 20's has her LIFE snatched away in a bus tragic bus accident, my sister's friend looses a battle to cancer, a dear friend's husband looses a battle to cancer . . . and another close friend has diabetes steal her life away, suddenly, before she is even 30 . . . too much death in a year for me.

This last weekend I went to visit the grave of my friend. . . and memories assaulted my mind and tortured my heart. I remember standing one year ago, watching them lower her coffin into the ground. I can hear the sobs of her family, my chest closes up and I cant breath . . .its like a scream trapped inside of me. We walk back to the families home and I remember scenes from before the burial, like they were just happening, not like they happened a year ago. I hear her friends screaming, begging her not to leave them. I remember looking in her coffin, her lips bloodied and bruised, her teeth all broken . . . and I want to cry because she had such a beatiful smile and laugh. I remember stroking her hair and thinking how much softer it was than when she as alive. . . my heart torn in pieces, I just stand and weep as memories take their hold. . . and I realise in that moment that I HATE Death. . . its so unfair. With every fiber in my body I HATE it more than I could express. Its been so cruel to so many and left too much pain in my life.

I write home to a friend, expressing my heart. . . telling them how much I hate death as I remember the pain of the tragedy and they, gracefully, lovingly, remind me of truth . . . there is no death for those who truly have found LIFE! Fullness of Life is birthed from death.

LIFE!

There is more to LIFE than this LIFE we are living. This is just the preview, the trailer, the glimpse of TRUE LIFE to come. And suddenly I realise I hadnt fully embraced the truth of TRUE LIFE, I was still living for this LIFE.

And I realised another truth, that without DEATH its impossible to enter into TRUE LIFE.

Without Christ's death, we wouldnt live. And one day, for those of us who walk with Him, we will face death but it will be the doorway into TRUE life.

Death has truly lost its sting in Him . . . my friends for whom I mourn, are not truly dead, they have just taken up residence in the ETERNAL LIFE that awaits. [and through this LIFE I have the Father of all Comfort at my side in my time of pain] . .

LIFE . . .and now that root of Hope that has formed in my life so many years before, suddenly starts to blossom with an understanding of true LIFE and LOVE.

I intend to LIVE this LIFE to the fullest, as its a gift from my CREATOR . . . and I intend to make peace with DEATH because even though its not always fair and often times its cruel, I know without it there is no ETERNITY – which is TRUE LIFE forever . . . in Christ, ALONE, do I have this living promise and guaranteed Hope. . . but my question is …. do you have ? Do you have TRUE LIFE? What are you living for?

Is death your friend or foe?

thank you for letting me open up my soul a bit . . . 

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

2 Timothy 9b - 10

This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.

Revelation 21:4

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Below is a scripture my friend has painted on her wall. Her sister died in the bus accident a year ago . . . i am amazing at how she has found strength, hope and comfort in Christ.

Doorway To Hope - a journey from where it started to where it is now...

6 months ago Elbasan Christian Fellowship started a program for underprivileged children called "Doorway to Hope."  This project is currently run twice a week.  We provide lunch for the children and once a week run a full meeting, songs, games, bible stories, memory verse and teaching on basic life skills. our target age group was 9-12 years old. however since their is such a great need we have lowered the age to 7 yrs old and also are in the process of starting a "teens" group which will run once a week. 

these children are all from poor families, some of their parents do not hold jobs at all. we have some children who are classified as street children. Their parents send them on the streets to beg for money. they are required to make a minimum of 500 lek a day [about $5] or else they either dont go home or their parents beat them. one of these boys is only 8 yrs old and i have even met him, alone on the streets close to midnight.

the other section of boys in this group do attend school but because their families are so poor,the children often spend all their time after school hanging out in the park or on the streets. 

i would like to share some photos of this project and how it started. . . i trust it encourages you all.

it all started through friendship.  my flatmate and i would take our dogs to the park and let the children play with them. 

Sometimes we would just spend time with them, other times if we could afford it we would buy them something to eat.

They started coming to church about a year after working on friendships with them. at first they came for the free biscuits and tea before church.

and for some hand outs we gave them... but  soon they started staying for the services. and soon even more started attending and we realized we needed to start a project for them.

Our first official meeting had only 5 children. but within 3 weeks we have grown to an average of 16 children. We have had more than 30 children pass through at least once.

We teach them basic life skills, including hygiene. [washing hands and face, and brushing teeth before the meetings.... thanks to YWAM Elbasan for the donations of individual toiletry bags with toothbrushes etc etc].

                                     
                                                                            dancing

                                                                         games

                                                     There is always time for games and fun!

                                                     

                                                              Worship and singing time.

                                                               Bible Story time.

                                                   Creative ways to learn memory verses

                                         Meal times are like family times. We all sit together, eat

                                         together and get to know each other better.

Craft and drawing time. many of our children are not

in school and we can teach them basic writing, coloring

and cutting out through craft times.

We have had the privilege of many people helping us out over the last 6 months, and coming in to do special events for our children.

       
                                          Thanks to World Vision for sending Eli to encourage
                                          the children, as well as for the gifts.

         
                                         Thanks to the YWAM team for coming to do a puppet
                                         show, songs, facepainting and evangelism.

                                         Thanks to the TACO team for putting on a spectacular
                                         performance that exuded the love and hope we have in
                                         Christ.

Thanks as well to the "team" who serve and love these children so faithfully.

                                                                 Julie

 Drita and her daughter, Sara

                                       

                                                                  Sara

 
                                                                        Koli

                                                                  Keta

                                                                        ilir

Thank you for taking the time to read through all of this. i am so excited to be a part of this project and super excited to see what God has in store for these boys, who were once without hope but now have the possibility of walking in the fullness of God's love.

i never expected befriending a child in the park would lead to all of this... but God knew. even if your actions seem small and insignificant to you, in God's hands they can change lives and destinies.

please keep us in prayer.

all my love

Kerri