I posted my blog yesterday, on my birthday and thought . . . 2 more to go....2 more days till i finish my 77 Blog commitment....2 more days till the 1 September [which in South Africa is the first day of Spring.] So I paused and counted my blogs from my day of commitment and realized that yesterday's blog was number 77!
yup! 77 done and dusted. . . .somehow i finished early. . . and ironically [or not] on my birthday. . . It seems that a lot of things are early at the moment. Summer seems to have come early. . . even if it is just for a week. We have all been anticipating spring tomorrow, but summer seemed to knock on our door unexpectedly.
Last week we had a few days that were a maximum of 60.8F/16C and as cold as 46.6F/8C and we had our "warm" days that reach 75.2F/24C and dropped to about 60.8F/16C at night....the last few days has been summer weather....yesterday some parts of Durban already were at 91.4F/33C....and its predicted to be hotter today as well....the week before there was an icey chill in the wind and I still wore a scarf....this week I switched on the airconditioner at work....it just flipped, in an instant....and very early in the season....
We are still hoping for an actual spring...mild temperature and some rain....but yesterday was a definite declaration in the weather that winter was done and dusted. kind of nice that it chose to do that on my birthday. Maybe it is more than a co-incidence....
So things are earlier than expected. . . much earlier....I have thoroughly enjoyed writing 77 in a row....there obviously have been the days where i hated it and questioned my sanity....there were also days where i hit a blank and had to dig really deep to come up with something. there were days when i was sick and tired and didnt want to be bothered....but i did it anyway. . . even when i was away i wrote in a journal and reposted when i got back....it has been a difficult and wondrous way to bring more discipline to my writing. . .
Thank you for hanging in there with me. . . this is not the end.... i might not be posting daily...but the blogs will keep coming.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Monday, August 29, 2016
beyond imagination
Crazy thing happened this morning....I woke up and I was older....not just a day older...a whole YEAR older. Somehow the calendar had turned over. Here I was obliviously plodding through life and somehow the years ran away from me.
I can honestly say that the life that I have lived up to this point is nothing at all like I imagined it would be.....NOTHING!!!! . . . and what is so cool/scary is that there is still so much life to be had.
You remember when you were in school, you would see these 20 something year olds and be in awe - they so grown up and have it so together.... and then you get there and you feel like nothing changed in your life, like you still a kid? 40 seemed over the hill and practically retired and 50 should have been in an old age home. . . then you wake up, like I did today, and realize you are 37 . . . and 40 is around the corner... and suddenly 40 seems like the new 20. . . and there is still so much life to be had.
My life is definitely not what i imagined. . . and often I look around at the people I encounter on a day to day basis and wonder if their lives is what they imagined. . . and truthfully....I often see people who are my age and they make me feel young. We all age differently. I recently met a woman, i assumed was in her 60's and she was only in her 40's. . . .age and life had not been kind to her. When I was in Albania [and even sometimes here] . . . I look at how people dress and how differently I dress and sometimes it makes me feel younger than I am.... but I am not a mom currently, and don't need to dress like a mom. . . .neither am I a business woman....so I don't need a power suite....what i am....and thankfully what I enjoy being....is simply ME .... in all my elegant eccentricity.
I don't fit society's pattern . . . not by a long shot. . . I have not taken the path most have walked. . . I do not make sense in a lot of people's minds and imaginations . . .but I have walked the most wonderful path available....the path that God has etched out before me....His way. . . .and I have been given the freedom to embrace who HE fully created me to be instead of conforming to society's norms.
My imaginations had to find their rightful place in HIS plan. . . . in my younger [slightly more ignorant days] .... I had it mapped out....marry the guy that I adored at 24....so we could have a few years together before we popped out some children and adopted a child. . . that relationship didnn't last....the marriage didn't happen and neither have the children. . . but the life that happened past that point has been nothing but boring and completely fulfilling. . .
It is scattered across nations and littered with traumas and tragedies and laughter and miracles and adventures and some of the craziest co-incidences that go far beyond imagination. It has been colourful and extravagent and sometimes exceptionally dark. I have met the most wonderous, awe inspiring people and some villians too.... it almost reads like a fairytale . . . but its all true..... and what excites me even more....is that there is still more living to do.......can't wait to see what else He has in store.
Ephesians 3:20
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us...
.....
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
...........
Now to the God who can do so many awe-inspiring things, immeasurable things, things greater than we ever could ask or imagine through the power at work in us,
..............
Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do super abundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us,
..............................
od can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
I can honestly say that the life that I have lived up to this point is nothing at all like I imagined it would be.....NOTHING!!!! . . . and what is so cool/scary is that there is still so much life to be had.
You remember when you were in school, you would see these 20 something year olds and be in awe - they so grown up and have it so together.... and then you get there and you feel like nothing changed in your life, like you still a kid? 40 seemed over the hill and practically retired and 50 should have been in an old age home. . . then you wake up, like I did today, and realize you are 37 . . . and 40 is around the corner... and suddenly 40 seems like the new 20. . . and there is still so much life to be had.
My life is definitely not what i imagined. . . and often I look around at the people I encounter on a day to day basis and wonder if their lives is what they imagined. . . and truthfully....I often see people who are my age and they make me feel young. We all age differently. I recently met a woman, i assumed was in her 60's and she was only in her 40's. . . .age and life had not been kind to her. When I was in Albania [and even sometimes here] . . . I look at how people dress and how differently I dress and sometimes it makes me feel younger than I am.... but I am not a mom currently, and don't need to dress like a mom. . . .neither am I a business woman....so I don't need a power suite....what i am....and thankfully what I enjoy being....is simply ME .... in all my elegant eccentricity.
I don't fit society's pattern . . . not by a long shot. . . I have not taken the path most have walked. . . I do not make sense in a lot of people's minds and imaginations . . .but I have walked the most wonderful path available....the path that God has etched out before me....His way. . . .and I have been given the freedom to embrace who HE fully created me to be instead of conforming to society's norms.
My imaginations had to find their rightful place in HIS plan. . . . in my younger [slightly more ignorant days] .... I had it mapped out....marry the guy that I adored at 24....so we could have a few years together before we popped out some children and adopted a child. . . that relationship didnn't last....the marriage didn't happen and neither have the children. . . but the life that happened past that point has been nothing but boring and completely fulfilling. . .
It is scattered across nations and littered with traumas and tragedies and laughter and miracles and adventures and some of the craziest co-incidences that go far beyond imagination. It has been colourful and extravagent and sometimes exceptionally dark. I have met the most wonderous, awe inspiring people and some villians too.... it almost reads like a fairytale . . . but its all true..... and what excites me even more....is that there is still more living to do.......can't wait to see what else He has in store.
Ephesians 3:20
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us...
.....
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
...........
Now to the God who can do so many awe-inspiring things, immeasurable things, things greater than we ever could ask or imagine through the power at work in us,
..............
Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do super abundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us,
..............................
od can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
Sunday, August 28, 2016
PTCS vs cutting them some slack.
I recently read an article about "Post Traumatic Church Syndrome." [PTCS]. it was an incredibly interesting article. some of the statements made were, " They [referring to certain behaviour] weren’t evidence of anything that was wrong with her, but were evidence of wrong things that were done to her." This was referring to some of the anti-church behaviour the person's spouse would sometimes exhibit, despite being Christian. some other things said in the article were, "Church trauma runs deep, because it cuts into our identity" and "Church, ironically, becomes the barrier when in reality it should be the gateway."
I think I found it such an interesting read because you will struggle to meet a Christian who hasn't been hurt by a fellow Christian/Church/Christian Leader. Yet somehow it is a topic we talking about. I know too many Christians who have to walk away from church, in order to heal enough to get back into church. it sounds completely backwards, and logically in our brains we know its not God's best but sometimes being in a church agrivates but instead of helps heal the situation. I KNOW this because I have had to walk away twice. . . now I am not saying its a good principle to do . . . but when you are so burnt out on people pleasing and service sometimes you got to walk away and have a vacation from church. . . Sometimes when you have been put through the ringer by another leader [for eg] and you go to a church you trust to find a place of healing and restoration and counsel but all you encounter is persistant rejection....in those situations you aren't emotionally whole enough to stay, and you certainly dont need fresh wounds added to an existing injury.... its a bit like a blood clot after surgery....it can kill you, spiritually.
And sometimes you are a wounded soldier from the frontline of the battlefield....but if your local church you return to is on the front line of a war....you are not going to heal there.... because you need a hospital not a field clinic run by soldiers who'll only stir you up back into war or condem you for not fighting.....sometimes church doesn't cut it....but should it???
I long for an ideal world where pastors and fellow christians act in line with what we believe and where love is abundant....I think its every Christians desire because too often what we see in church contradicts the word of God.... its a bit like how we tease all beauty pagent entrants of wanting "world peace". We as Christians are all human....justified and loved and forgiven....but our sinful nature still needs a good couple of death blows as we walk out our salvation in fear and trembling and work on sanctification.
I am not downplaying anyone's hurts either....I have had some major church wounds....MAJOR...fun things.... I left a church over a minor doctrinal/opinion issue once....3 years later a member of the congregation and I met and they lovingly asked if I had backslidden because they hadnt seen me around the church in a long time. When I told them that I had moved to this specific church there response was, "that church....it would be better if you had backslidden." ....I KNOW! true story....makes no sense.
I was used by a pastor for half a decade for my giftings and abilities, but when the pastor finally had someone to take over from me, they admitted that they never believed I was called of God to do what I was doing. . . .5 years down the line of using me! I have been severely disciplined by church leadership, which at the time i really didnt like, over a difference of opinion....had all my ministry taken away from me. A pastor I was very close to as a child was found out for sexual abuse. My current landlord who puts his money and convenience over my safety [when we had an intruder on premise] and who belittled me....yup he is a pastor.
You hear how Christians belittle other Christians who have left the congregation. I have incidents where people have left over doctrine/opinions [not major salvation doctrines] and years later if you have contact with the person who left....even if its a casual meet and greet....you get told by the "ones left behind" to cut yourself spiritually free, get prayed for to break any influence etc. like the person who left carries an infectious disease just because they didn't fit perfectly into the cookie mould. And if it was a sin issue....is there no room for repentance? i often want to say to the "left behind ones" ....when last did you speak with this person??? do you know where they are at in God??? how dare we critisize other believers like that? How will we ever walk in unity and love when the church is in the state its in?
The list of offences can go on and on and on [i haven't shared even a tenth of my bad church experiences]...You will here people admimantly say that they will never work for a christian boss again. Or never go back into ministry again. or never go to church aggain. . ...and everyone out there who is Christian can add to this list. There is a popular saying that a lot of Christians I know "jokingly" say...."Christianity would be great if it weren't for the people."
But cut them, and yourselves, some slack..... We are human and still in the process of sanctification, even your leaders and fellow congregation members....and even some who have left... No it doesn't create an excuse for your sin....nor does it create a lisence to sin. . . .Yes we all long for the the great day when the church is known for its love. . . and we are all brothers and sisters and walking in unity. . . .Honestly i think the greatest hinderance to salvations is not a spiritual block but a lack of love in the church. but that is a side topic. . . .
Make peace with the fact that Christianity isn't without its wounds. . . whether its from hurts or persecution . . . .you will get wounded and often you will get wounded by those close to you, even your leaders. it will happen. So be gracious not bitter. The wound is real...get healing.... be wise in your healing. I wish I could say that your church should be a safe place to heal....chances are its not.... truthfully..... but if you are going to take a time out, be wise....time out on your own will make you a sitting target for the devil.... make sure you have mature christians that you are still accountable too...don't disconnect from every christian....keep in the Word. . . . Keep in worship....Keep in friendship. . . try keep in church.... trust me I know, its a tough one at times.
Also set realistic expectations. . . .I am convinced a lot of what we place on our church, and relationships is completely wrong expectations....church is not there to heal you.... i know sometimes it acts like a self-help group or a doctor or a psychologist.... but its not your HEALER.....that is God's role.....don't confuse the two.
Yes Church could help you find your healing in God.... but they are not there to heal you....and yes they shouldn't be hurting you either....but welcome to humanity.... sometimes....its gonna happen.
I have been listening to some interesting sermons and reading up on some church ideas..... Someone once said, "Church is a Spiritual Center" - it is not a "business center" - a way to make money or increase business connections. . .. it is not a "social center" - a way to find friends, intimacy or potential spouses..... and its not a "welfare center" - a charity rescuing the down and out......YES its a bonus when those things come about from being in a church..... but primarily church is there to train and equip you spiritually. . . . .now i need to give this statement a bit more thought.... and i struggle with it because its so cut and dry....DRY!!!! i am all..."where's the love?".... but if there is truth in this statement....then often our expectations are off regarding church, which will only agrivate wounds. . . .
I do believe everything we do should be motivated in love.... i really do.... i do believe relationship is key, and part of the foundation we are created for and image we are made in....but is it the church's priority?
Also....is church too much of a priority? [oooh some religious people just picked up a whole lot of verbal stones to throw in my direction..... hear me out first]. I am not saying church shouldn't be important....but i think sometimes we become unbalanced and church becomes and idol. . . .maybe that is what makes the wound hurt more than other wounds???? [side thought again]..... but when you are in a christian circle....we find that people have little time besides work and church [and immediate family if they are married]....church often doesn't leave time for other interests/hobbies/relationships/even healthy lifestyles.....the only kind of relationships are usually found within a church meeting/function....and if you are ever out of relationships you are reffered back to a service or meeting to get into relationship.... it is the proverbial holy huddle....how on earth do you ever minister to the soul, if you only make time for the spirit? Where is the time to take care of the body - it is a recipe for burnout....and where will you ever meet the lost? and where can you bring the lost too, if they are not ready to committ to Christ yet? no unbeliever wants to "hang out" in a homegroup....maybe a picnic or a dinner....but we don't have time for that. so it seems its all about getting spiritually fat instead of spiritually disciplined.... i think we could all do with a little balance and a heap of Grace..... be gracious to yourself, to others, to His Bride the church....be gracious to your leaders and fellow congregation members....we are just humans..... Put Christ back on the pedestal....not church. . . . get healing for your hurts, but make peace with the fact that hurts are part and parcel of life.... don't walk away from it just because it hurt you.... forgive and let go.
These are rambling early morning thoughts, that have been churning in my heart for a long time....they are not doctrine....they are opinion.... they are not set in stone.... its more of a sounding board this morning...so please also give me some grace.
I think I found it such an interesting read because you will struggle to meet a Christian who hasn't been hurt by a fellow Christian/Church/Christian Leader. Yet somehow it is a topic we talking about. I know too many Christians who have to walk away from church, in order to heal enough to get back into church. it sounds completely backwards, and logically in our brains we know its not God's best but sometimes being in a church agrivates but instead of helps heal the situation. I KNOW this because I have had to walk away twice. . . now I am not saying its a good principle to do . . . but when you are so burnt out on people pleasing and service sometimes you got to walk away and have a vacation from church. . . Sometimes when you have been put through the ringer by another leader [for eg] and you go to a church you trust to find a place of healing and restoration and counsel but all you encounter is persistant rejection....in those situations you aren't emotionally whole enough to stay, and you certainly dont need fresh wounds added to an existing injury.... its a bit like a blood clot after surgery....it can kill you, spiritually.
And sometimes you are a wounded soldier from the frontline of the battlefield....but if your local church you return to is on the front line of a war....you are not going to heal there.... because you need a hospital not a field clinic run by soldiers who'll only stir you up back into war or condem you for not fighting.....sometimes church doesn't cut it....but should it???
I long for an ideal world where pastors and fellow christians act in line with what we believe and where love is abundant....I think its every Christians desire because too often what we see in church contradicts the word of God.... its a bit like how we tease all beauty pagent entrants of wanting "world peace". We as Christians are all human....justified and loved and forgiven....but our sinful nature still needs a good couple of death blows as we walk out our salvation in fear and trembling and work on sanctification.
I am not downplaying anyone's hurts either....I have had some major church wounds....MAJOR...fun things.... I left a church over a minor doctrinal/opinion issue once....3 years later a member of the congregation and I met and they lovingly asked if I had backslidden because they hadnt seen me around the church in a long time. When I told them that I had moved to this specific church there response was, "that church....it would be better if you had backslidden." ....I KNOW! true story....makes no sense.
I was used by a pastor for half a decade for my giftings and abilities, but when the pastor finally had someone to take over from me, they admitted that they never believed I was called of God to do what I was doing. . . .5 years down the line of using me! I have been severely disciplined by church leadership, which at the time i really didnt like, over a difference of opinion....had all my ministry taken away from me. A pastor I was very close to as a child was found out for sexual abuse. My current landlord who puts his money and convenience over my safety [when we had an intruder on premise] and who belittled me....yup he is a pastor.
You hear how Christians belittle other Christians who have left the congregation. I have incidents where people have left over doctrine/opinions [not major salvation doctrines] and years later if you have contact with the person who left....even if its a casual meet and greet....you get told by the "ones left behind" to cut yourself spiritually free, get prayed for to break any influence etc. like the person who left carries an infectious disease just because they didn't fit perfectly into the cookie mould. And if it was a sin issue....is there no room for repentance? i often want to say to the "left behind ones" ....when last did you speak with this person??? do you know where they are at in God??? how dare we critisize other believers like that? How will we ever walk in unity and love when the church is in the state its in?
The list of offences can go on and on and on [i haven't shared even a tenth of my bad church experiences]...You will here people admimantly say that they will never work for a christian boss again. Or never go back into ministry again. or never go to church aggain. . ...and everyone out there who is Christian can add to this list. There is a popular saying that a lot of Christians I know "jokingly" say...."Christianity would be great if it weren't for the people."
But cut them, and yourselves, some slack..... We are human and still in the process of sanctification, even your leaders and fellow congregation members....and even some who have left... No it doesn't create an excuse for your sin....nor does it create a lisence to sin. . . .Yes we all long for the the great day when the church is known for its love. . . and we are all brothers and sisters and walking in unity. . . .Honestly i think the greatest hinderance to salvations is not a spiritual block but a lack of love in the church. but that is a side topic. . . .
Make peace with the fact that Christianity isn't without its wounds. . . whether its from hurts or persecution . . . .you will get wounded and often you will get wounded by those close to you, even your leaders. it will happen. So be gracious not bitter. The wound is real...get healing.... be wise in your healing. I wish I could say that your church should be a safe place to heal....chances are its not.... truthfully..... but if you are going to take a time out, be wise....time out on your own will make you a sitting target for the devil.... make sure you have mature christians that you are still accountable too...don't disconnect from every christian....keep in the Word. . . . Keep in worship....Keep in friendship. . . try keep in church.... trust me I know, its a tough one at times.
Also set realistic expectations. . . .I am convinced a lot of what we place on our church, and relationships is completely wrong expectations....church is not there to heal you.... i know sometimes it acts like a self-help group or a doctor or a psychologist.... but its not your HEALER.....that is God's role.....don't confuse the two.
Yes Church could help you find your healing in God.... but they are not there to heal you....and yes they shouldn't be hurting you either....but welcome to humanity.... sometimes....its gonna happen.
I have been listening to some interesting sermons and reading up on some church ideas..... Someone once said, "Church is a Spiritual Center" - it is not a "business center" - a way to make money or increase business connections. . .. it is not a "social center" - a way to find friends, intimacy or potential spouses..... and its not a "welfare center" - a charity rescuing the down and out......YES its a bonus when those things come about from being in a church..... but primarily church is there to train and equip you spiritually. . . . .now i need to give this statement a bit more thought.... and i struggle with it because its so cut and dry....DRY!!!! i am all..."where's the love?".... but if there is truth in this statement....then often our expectations are off regarding church, which will only agrivate wounds. . . .
I do believe everything we do should be motivated in love.... i really do.... i do believe relationship is key, and part of the foundation we are created for and image we are made in....but is it the church's priority?
Also....is church too much of a priority? [oooh some religious people just picked up a whole lot of verbal stones to throw in my direction..... hear me out first]. I am not saying church shouldn't be important....but i think sometimes we become unbalanced and church becomes and idol. . . .maybe that is what makes the wound hurt more than other wounds???? [side thought again]..... but when you are in a christian circle....we find that people have little time besides work and church [and immediate family if they are married]....church often doesn't leave time for other interests/hobbies/relationships/even healthy lifestyles.....the only kind of relationships are usually found within a church meeting/function....and if you are ever out of relationships you are reffered back to a service or meeting to get into relationship.... it is the proverbial holy huddle....how on earth do you ever minister to the soul, if you only make time for the spirit? Where is the time to take care of the body - it is a recipe for burnout....and where will you ever meet the lost? and where can you bring the lost too, if they are not ready to committ to Christ yet? no unbeliever wants to "hang out" in a homegroup....maybe a picnic or a dinner....but we don't have time for that. so it seems its all about getting spiritually fat instead of spiritually disciplined.... i think we could all do with a little balance and a heap of Grace..... be gracious to yourself, to others, to His Bride the church....be gracious to your leaders and fellow congregation members....we are just humans..... Put Christ back on the pedestal....not church. . . . get healing for your hurts, but make peace with the fact that hurts are part and parcel of life.... don't walk away from it just because it hurt you.... forgive and let go.
These are rambling early morning thoughts, that have been churning in my heart for a long time....they are not doctrine....they are opinion.... they are not set in stone.... its more of a sounding board this morning...so please also give me some grace.
Saturday, August 27, 2016
snakes alive
My precious cat decided to bring me a present today. I was happily sitting at my table, painting, when I hear my cat fumble through the cat flap . . .when he fumbles through I know that he has caught something....usually a bird... As I turn to look he deposits a snake at me feet....and it wriggles...
Needless to say I launched myself over the snake and ran for my door, fumble with my keys and stumbled outside. my heart was racing, and my hands were clenched in fists...why fists? Was I going to punch the snake on the nose? I have no idea....about fight and flight happened all at once in my body.
Knocking on my the other cottage of the property, the lady opens the door and I realize she is equally scared of snakes. There was no one else home to help and I was not going back in there. I honestly had no idea that I was scared of snakes until I owned a cat and had to encounter snakes. Usually they are headless ones in the grass...and even that freaks me out and makes me ask someone else to throw them away. . .
But this was different. . . This one was ALIVE and in MY house. Then this lady says something profound, "What if it gets away from your cat and hides in your house?" That was scarier than my fear. The thought of a snake hidden somewhere in my house for me to accidentally discover, or to imagine it in my bed or something....I had to swallow my fear and go and do something.
So I go back to my house, cautiously like I am hunting a giant lion not a snake. all the while I am chanting, "Please not in my bedroom, please not in my bedroom." The cat has the snake under my chez lounge. The snake is rearing up at my cat.... and I am still shaking. I spot my broom and decide I am going to try sweep this snake out keeping as much distance as possible.
First gently smack my cat on the broom to get him removed from the equation. That was truly comical because he was so intently watching the snake that he didn't hear me coming for home till the broom made contact. His reaction resemble my fight flight but in high speed. it was too funny.
Then I start sweeping the snake out. eveytime I touched it with the broom, it would turn on me...even writing this i get a shudder and a shiver....horrible feelings.
Eventually I get it out my house and down the step onto my patio. . . the other tenant had come to watch....from a distance. Now the snake is on my patio and i think, "Now what?" if I leave it there, it could come back inside or go into the garden. If it goes back into the garden then I might never go back into the garden. Both these scenarios mean my cat will find it and return it....what to do. what to do.
So we spot a bucket, we decide that I should try sweep it in the bucket. That means getting even closer to this thing. So I get it into the bucket while the other lady offers encouragement ....again from a distance. We eventually decide we are going to run across the road and up from the house to a clump of bushes on the pavement/sidewalk. Far away from the house and deposit the snake there.
So the lady tells me not to grab the bucket till she gives the ok. . . meanwhile there is nothing in me that wants to grab that bucket. In my brain I am imagining it climbing out and onto my arm. She first scouts out the land...well the road, to make sure we wont be spotted....like we are committing a huge crime. then she opens the electric gate to our property and yells, "go!go! go!" ...I grab the bucket and hold it as far away from me as possible but still in my line of vision so i can ensure the snake is still in there. I ran as fast as my legs will carry me....but no ordinary run...one of those tiptoe lift the knees high run, maybe because i was convinced there were more snakes everywhere coming to save their friend.
Finally I make it to the bushes and launch the snake into them. Just after I did that, I hear the lady's voice "car alert". I try slow my walk and look relaxed and innocent despite my racing heart and quivering hands. Desperately trying to look like its perfectly normal to be walking down the street, barefoot with an empty bucket. . . .so that was yesterday's adventure....all thanks to my cat....and this little guy.
Needless to say I launched myself over the snake and ran for my door, fumble with my keys and stumbled outside. my heart was racing, and my hands were clenched in fists...why fists? Was I going to punch the snake on the nose? I have no idea....about fight and flight happened all at once in my body.
Knocking on my the other cottage of the property, the lady opens the door and I realize she is equally scared of snakes. There was no one else home to help and I was not going back in there. I honestly had no idea that I was scared of snakes until I owned a cat and had to encounter snakes. Usually they are headless ones in the grass...and even that freaks me out and makes me ask someone else to throw them away. . .
But this was different. . . This one was ALIVE and in MY house. Then this lady says something profound, "What if it gets away from your cat and hides in your house?" That was scarier than my fear. The thought of a snake hidden somewhere in my house for me to accidentally discover, or to imagine it in my bed or something....I had to swallow my fear and go and do something.
So I go back to my house, cautiously like I am hunting a giant lion not a snake. all the while I am chanting, "Please not in my bedroom, please not in my bedroom." The cat has the snake under my chez lounge. The snake is rearing up at my cat.... and I am still shaking. I spot my broom and decide I am going to try sweep this snake out keeping as much distance as possible.
First gently smack my cat on the broom to get him removed from the equation. That was truly comical because he was so intently watching the snake that he didn't hear me coming for home till the broom made contact. His reaction resemble my fight flight but in high speed. it was too funny.
Then I start sweeping the snake out. eveytime I touched it with the broom, it would turn on me...even writing this i get a shudder and a shiver....horrible feelings.
Eventually I get it out my house and down the step onto my patio. . . the other tenant had come to watch....from a distance. Now the snake is on my patio and i think, "Now what?" if I leave it there, it could come back inside or go into the garden. If it goes back into the garden then I might never go back into the garden. Both these scenarios mean my cat will find it and return it....what to do. what to do.
So we spot a bucket, we decide that I should try sweep it in the bucket. That means getting even closer to this thing. So I get it into the bucket while the other lady offers encouragement ....again from a distance. We eventually decide we are going to run across the road and up from the house to a clump of bushes on the pavement/sidewalk. Far away from the house and deposit the snake there.
So the lady tells me not to grab the bucket till she gives the ok. . . meanwhile there is nothing in me that wants to grab that bucket. In my brain I am imagining it climbing out and onto my arm. She first scouts out the land...well the road, to make sure we wont be spotted....like we are committing a huge crime. then she opens the electric gate to our property and yells, "go!go! go!" ...I grab the bucket and hold it as far away from me as possible but still in my line of vision so i can ensure the snake is still in there. I ran as fast as my legs will carry me....but no ordinary run...one of those tiptoe lift the knees high run, maybe because i was convinced there were more snakes everywhere coming to save their friend.
Finally I make it to the bushes and launch the snake into them. Just after I did that, I hear the lady's voice "car alert". I try slow my walk and look relaxed and innocent despite my racing heart and quivering hands. Desperately trying to look like its perfectly normal to be walking down the street, barefoot with an empty bucket. . . .so that was yesterday's adventure....all thanks to my cat....and this little guy.
Friday, August 26, 2016
is it all about the change?
As most know....its been a week.....a very emotionally intense vulnerable week. a lot of my buttons have been pushed.....and a lot of rubbish [for want of a word that doesn't need to be censored out] has happened.
But a lot of this week has been focused on the need for things to change. Coming back, one of the few things that has worked out for me is work....the rest has been an isolating nightmare.... its like trying to fit that proverbial round peg into the square hole. i used to be the square peg in that square hole but life, experience and living in a different culture for years has shaved my corners off....i just dont fit back into church or friendships here [mostly].... its been super tough.
A lot of this week, for whatever reason, God has used people to start to talk with me around this, and how i desperately need change.... obviously its a sensitive issue, and there are wounds and fears and insecurities and conflicting emotions....so dealing with that, plus a stressful week at work plus an intruder etc....man....its intense.... then having to deal with yet another christian leader belittling me and treating me like i have no worth ....that didn't help the week either.....
so here i sit, with a lot on my heart and mind..... having had an intruder on my property and that means the place i was finally calling home, might need to be left and i need to find a new home because landlord wont do anything to increase security. . . and i am driving towards work and the entire morning devotion keeps repeating.
"sometimes for change to happen you need to move." and the pastor wasn't being metaphorical. . . he was being very literal. He was speaking around the topic of Esther and how she had to move from her uncle's house into the kings concubine for things to change in a nation, and for her to step into the next thing. He used practical examples, but over and over he kept repeating that line.....
"for change to happen.....you need to move."
maybe its a coincidence.....maybe its a confirmation....
its been almost 77 days of blogging....almost.... i joked with a few friends....saying maybe this would finally be the catalyst for change....that nicely co-incides with the first day of spring....i was genuinely kidding around....my main committment to non stop blogging for 77 days was to create a discipline in my writing..... but literally my life went from safe and secure in my home to possibly moving house in less than 24 hrs.....so ....i guess you never can tell what will happen or when....or how quickly.....so you never know....change might just be around the corner.....
But a lot of this week has been focused on the need for things to change. Coming back, one of the few things that has worked out for me is work....the rest has been an isolating nightmare.... its like trying to fit that proverbial round peg into the square hole. i used to be the square peg in that square hole but life, experience and living in a different culture for years has shaved my corners off....i just dont fit back into church or friendships here [mostly].... its been super tough.
A lot of this week, for whatever reason, God has used people to start to talk with me around this, and how i desperately need change.... obviously its a sensitive issue, and there are wounds and fears and insecurities and conflicting emotions....so dealing with that, plus a stressful week at work plus an intruder etc....man....its intense.... then having to deal with yet another christian leader belittling me and treating me like i have no worth ....that didn't help the week either.....
so here i sit, with a lot on my heart and mind..... having had an intruder on my property and that means the place i was finally calling home, might need to be left and i need to find a new home because landlord wont do anything to increase security. . . and i am driving towards work and the entire morning devotion keeps repeating.
"sometimes for change to happen you need to move." and the pastor wasn't being metaphorical. . . he was being very literal. He was speaking around the topic of Esther and how she had to move from her uncle's house into the kings concubine for things to change in a nation, and for her to step into the next thing. He used practical examples, but over and over he kept repeating that line.....
"for change to happen.....you need to move."
maybe its a coincidence.....maybe its a confirmation....
its been almost 77 days of blogging....almost.... i joked with a few friends....saying maybe this would finally be the catalyst for change....that nicely co-incides with the first day of spring....i was genuinely kidding around....my main committment to non stop blogging for 77 days was to create a discipline in my writing..... but literally my life went from safe and secure in my home to possibly moving house in less than 24 hrs.....so ....i guess you never can tell what will happen or when....or how quickly.....so you never know....change might just be around the corner.....
Thursday, August 25, 2016
When your security starts to shake.
IT HAS BEEN A WEEK!
I have no idea what happened this week.... but something is [hopefully WAS] definitely going down.
It was like EVERY area in my life that could be shaken was starting to shake.... You know when you are in a place and there are some struggles, but its ok because at the same time there is one or two things that are secure and keep you going.... and then BOOM!! it all goes south....crash crumble....
Of course these types of week usually wait to happen....they wait till you are tired [check], emotional [check] vulnerable [check] God is putting his finger on "tender" areas of your life [check. check. check].
So yup....one of those weeks. . . and then i think its ok i will go to work and not think about these things....but you get to work and there too things are starting to crumble....and there is stress there too and so much chaotic business that you just want 5 minutes to literally be able to breathe.
And the week progresses like that and eventually it hits your super soft spot....You see i love where i live....make that loved. yes it has one or two issues that wear me down....then a BIG issue moved in...but finally that BIG issue was given marching orders and I was looking forward to my safe place becoming my safe place again.....so i woke up yesterday morning only to find footprints in my garden and some garden lights etc stolen....livid does not come close to describing my anger.
This is meant to be my safe place.... having a place to call home is my biggest desire and always has been. i am often a nomad and travellor and have often moved and been uprooted. i moved 9 times in a single year recently [including moving countries].... i was finally in a place for more than a year, starting to feel like it was home....wanting to settle and then....intruders....and all sense of security disappears.
Add to the equation a stressful day that later ended with a fight with my landlord who doesn't want to do anything about security because it causes an inconvenience for him. YES he literally said that. [i had originally spoken to him a year ago about security weak spots and nothing was done.]....so by the end of yesterday, after an equally intense week, my blood pressure was raised, my temper was in overdrive and i was not in the best of moods.
i know days/weeks/months like this come and go. I know that life will always have its ups and downs.... i hate that it happens all at once...but what can you do? you have to keep on keeping on....and you have to hold fast to the ONLY secure thing....God.
I can only keep waiting for the fullfillment of this.... i know that one day it has to happen....one day.
Job 11:18
You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
I have no idea what happened this week.... but something is [hopefully WAS] definitely going down.
It was like EVERY area in my life that could be shaken was starting to shake.... You know when you are in a place and there are some struggles, but its ok because at the same time there is one or two things that are secure and keep you going.... and then BOOM!! it all goes south....crash crumble....
Of course these types of week usually wait to happen....they wait till you are tired [check], emotional [check] vulnerable [check] God is putting his finger on "tender" areas of your life [check. check. check].
So yup....one of those weeks. . . and then i think its ok i will go to work and not think about these things....but you get to work and there too things are starting to crumble....and there is stress there too and so much chaotic business that you just want 5 minutes to literally be able to breathe.
And the week progresses like that and eventually it hits your super soft spot....You see i love where i live....make that loved. yes it has one or two issues that wear me down....then a BIG issue moved in...but finally that BIG issue was given marching orders and I was looking forward to my safe place becoming my safe place again.....so i woke up yesterday morning only to find footprints in my garden and some garden lights etc stolen....livid does not come close to describing my anger.
This is meant to be my safe place.... having a place to call home is my biggest desire and always has been. i am often a nomad and travellor and have often moved and been uprooted. i moved 9 times in a single year recently [including moving countries].... i was finally in a place for more than a year, starting to feel like it was home....wanting to settle and then....intruders....and all sense of security disappears.
Add to the equation a stressful day that later ended with a fight with my landlord who doesn't want to do anything about security because it causes an inconvenience for him. YES he literally said that. [i had originally spoken to him a year ago about security weak spots and nothing was done.]....so by the end of yesterday, after an equally intense week, my blood pressure was raised, my temper was in overdrive and i was not in the best of moods.
i know days/weeks/months like this come and go. I know that life will always have its ups and downs.... i hate that it happens all at once...but what can you do? you have to keep on keeping on....and you have to hold fast to the ONLY secure thing....God.
I can only keep waiting for the fullfillment of this.... i know that one day it has to happen....one day.
Job 11:18
You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
It Won't Bite The Hand That Feeds It.
Our narrator - for want of a better word- was talking about how the divers were safe because the Rays knew they were coming to feed them. But they also said that they divers were safe because the Rays wouldn't sting unless they felt threatened.
These were not small baby rays, as you can see by the video, some are quite big in comparison to the divers.
It made me think a bit about sin.... At first sin can seem harmless enough..."Of course I don't bite I don't have teeth." Just like the toothless Rays....but their jaws are exceptionally powerful and can cause incredible damage....even though they appear to have comical smiling faces.
Sin too will be you friend, you buddy as long as you feed it. It will let you hang around and pet it and won't appear menacing as long as you keep feeding that thing.
But if you threaten it, it will act provoked and attack with its sting...... One of the greatest struggles you go through is when you decided to actively turn away and repent of deliberate sin. That comical sweet gently floating ray called sin will go into attack mode. It is impossible to be free on your own....But Thank God we have victory IN and THROUGH Christ Jesus.
1 Corinthians 15:56-57
56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Look Out Below
I enjoy watching movies from time to time. It's a great way to relax when I need to switch my brain off. I particularly love watching action and thrillers. Something I was thinking about last night and this morning was the chase scenes.
Have you noticed, and I am sure you have, that ever police movie has a car chase scene? And of course there is always the footchase, complete with a chain/wire fence for the fugative to climb over and the police officer to grab his foot as he is going over. Or if its a thriller type there is always the victim running away from the killer, usually in a dark forest/woods.
I was thinking about these, and about the foot chases where there is an over head helicopter shining its light down on the person running below.
So let's picture the scene....helpless, scared victim running for the lives. They are emotional. They are overwhelmed. They are frantic. they are often injured. As they run they get more injured - stumbling over rocks, whipped by tree branches. Everytime they look back, the stumble and fall or run into a tree. [that should be a lesson in and of itself about not looking back].
Then suddenly a light shines down on them. They rarely stop running when the light comes. Often they feel more scared and exposed and vulnerable. They might even try push deeper into the trees to avoid being seen. You see they think that the light is there exposing them, and this makes them more vulnerable.
They don't realize that the light is actually protective, and is actually exposing the area around them too. This will enable them to see the rocks and branches and ditches and hunters snares ahead, so that they can run in safety.
It's often like that in our lives. When the word of God follows us like a spot light. often we see it as an exposing of ourselves but we don't see it as the help and loving protection it can also be, helping us to avoid stumbling. This blog is inspired because I feel like the spotlight of God is following me the last few days.... it is always a vulnerable place to be, but its also a safe place to be.
Psalm 199:105 [The Voice]
Your word is a lamp for my steps;
it lights the path before me.
Have you noticed, and I am sure you have, that ever police movie has a car chase scene? And of course there is always the footchase, complete with a chain/wire fence for the fugative to climb over and the police officer to grab his foot as he is going over. Or if its a thriller type there is always the victim running away from the killer, usually in a dark forest/woods.
I was thinking about these, and about the foot chases where there is an over head helicopter shining its light down on the person running below.
So let's picture the scene....helpless, scared victim running for the lives. They are emotional. They are overwhelmed. They are frantic. they are often injured. As they run they get more injured - stumbling over rocks, whipped by tree branches. Everytime they look back, the stumble and fall or run into a tree. [that should be a lesson in and of itself about not looking back].
Then suddenly a light shines down on them. They rarely stop running when the light comes. Often they feel more scared and exposed and vulnerable. They might even try push deeper into the trees to avoid being seen. You see they think that the light is there exposing them, and this makes them more vulnerable.
They don't realize that the light is actually protective, and is actually exposing the area around them too. This will enable them to see the rocks and branches and ditches and hunters snares ahead, so that they can run in safety.
It's often like that in our lives. When the word of God follows us like a spot light. often we see it as an exposing of ourselves but we don't see it as the help and loving protection it can also be, helping us to avoid stumbling. This blog is inspired because I feel like the spotlight of God is following me the last few days.... it is always a vulnerable place to be, but its also a safe place to be.
Psalm 199:105 [The Voice]
Your word is a lamp for my steps;
it lights the path before me.
Monday, August 22, 2016
Don't Cast Away Hope - 2
So apparently Hope is in my heart and on my brain....not a bad topic to have buzzing around my neurons. I know the pain of not having hope. For whatever reason. . . whether it be a continuous situation eroding at your soul or whether it be that moment of finality when a loved one is no longer with you and the Hope of them breathing another breath in this world is gone.
We all have the scars of suffering etched into our existence. no life is untouched. But that is why Hope is such a powerful force. Proverbs says that Hope deferred makes a heart grow sick but longing fulfilled is a tree of life....not a TREE.... not a bunch of flowers that you enjoy for a day or two and they wilt...but a TREE - something that is strong and sturdy and capabale of withstanding storms, and droughts. Something that can provide and produce fruit and also flowers to be enjoyed..... Hope can grow into this tree.
The problem is, in the midst of the storm we often get so scared that we life up our anchor of Hope. We think that we would be better off if we could only sail out of the storm but some storms we are meant to ride out. Some storms are too big and impossible to sail out of anyway. But in lifting that anchor all we do is end up smashed against the rocks and destroyed. I know the storms, I know how overwhelming they are. . . but you have to sit tight....don't pull up that anchor of hope.
Some people are anchored in the bay of isolation. . . they are desperate to reach the shore, civilization. They are tired of waiting for the row boat from shore to help them get there but there are sharks circling below. [yes lets be a little dramatic today].... but too many lift the anchor of Hope, wanting to drift to the shore, desperate for that reconnect....tired of the trial and pain of isolation....but unfortunately it usually has the reverse effect and the current sets them adrift, far out to see with no hope in sight.
Please, no matter how dark or lonely or overwhelming or painful it is.... Please don't lift your anchor....please dont cast away Hope. Please push through, even when all hope seems gone, if you push through and persevere and hang in there, you will find that hope again and it would have grown into a full tree.....producing life for you....please do not cast away hope.
And not just hope, as we all know it and need it....but for those who are christians....there is a greater hope that we have because of WHO Christ is and His love for us.... please don't ever ever cast away your Hope in him.....no matter how bad, now matter how much hope you have lost in people/the world or situations ....don't ever loose your eternal hope....for it is the one true anchor for your soul.
Hebrews 6:19
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.
and finally my prayer for all of us, including myself today.
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
We all have the scars of suffering etched into our existence. no life is untouched. But that is why Hope is such a powerful force. Proverbs says that Hope deferred makes a heart grow sick but longing fulfilled is a tree of life....not a TREE.... not a bunch of flowers that you enjoy for a day or two and they wilt...but a TREE - something that is strong and sturdy and capabale of withstanding storms, and droughts. Something that can provide and produce fruit and also flowers to be enjoyed..... Hope can grow into this tree.
The problem is, in the midst of the storm we often get so scared that we life up our anchor of Hope. We think that we would be better off if we could only sail out of the storm but some storms we are meant to ride out. Some storms are too big and impossible to sail out of anyway. But in lifting that anchor all we do is end up smashed against the rocks and destroyed. I know the storms, I know how overwhelming they are. . . but you have to sit tight....don't pull up that anchor of hope.
Some people are anchored in the bay of isolation. . . they are desperate to reach the shore, civilization. They are tired of waiting for the row boat from shore to help them get there but there are sharks circling below. [yes lets be a little dramatic today].... but too many lift the anchor of Hope, wanting to drift to the shore, desperate for that reconnect....tired of the trial and pain of isolation....but unfortunately it usually has the reverse effect and the current sets them adrift, far out to see with no hope in sight.
Please, no matter how dark or lonely or overwhelming or painful it is.... Please don't lift your anchor....please dont cast away Hope. Please push through, even when all hope seems gone, if you push through and persevere and hang in there, you will find that hope again and it would have grown into a full tree.....producing life for you....please do not cast away hope.
And not just hope, as we all know it and need it....but for those who are christians....there is a greater hope that we have because of WHO Christ is and His love for us.... please don't ever ever cast away your Hope in him.....no matter how bad, now matter how much hope you have lost in people/the world or situations ....don't ever loose your eternal hope....for it is the one true anchor for your soul.
Hebrews 6:19
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.
and finally my prayer for all of us, including myself today.
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Don't Cast Away Hope - 1
In life, Hope is one of the greatest things we have, sometimes it is all we have. . . the most devastating place to be in life is in a place where you have lost all hope....I do not think that any torture could ever be as harmful as loosing hope. How many people loose hope and end up loosing life? Sometimes even literally. People who give up fighting to overcome a disease because there hope is damaged or broken. People who can't take the pressure of life and sink into a deep depression, so deep that it alters their body's chemistry and they loose the ability to function in the real world? Addicts who want to break out but don't have the hope to fuel that desire and so succumb to their addictions stronghold. All around us is a world without Hope....even in the church, there are a lot of people without hope.
But in the church sometimes its more hidden. We are scared that people will see our broken hope and judge our faith. So we put on our christian mask to hide our hurting hearts. Proverbs 13:12 tells us that Hope deferred makes a heart sick. Loss of Hope is incredibly powerful, and those who are feeling hopeless, in the church, fear judgement and clam up and try work it out on their own. Love should cast out fear....and as a body we should be moving in love, so why do we fear judgement among ourselves. And I think that often we respond to someone's broken hope by trying to build their faith. But their faith isnt the problem.
I know there are many times when I have still had Faith in God and His word. I have not "lost my salvation" nor "my way" but have lost my hope. And I still read my bible daily, met with God and attended church. Often when I spoke to Christians about how I was feeling they would tell me that I need to worship more or fast or pray in tongues or read the word....but I was doing those things....
And yes we all need our Faith ministered to. But Hope is not faith and faith is not hope although the two are often closely woven together. And sometimes Hope only comes through perseverance which comes through standing strong for a long time in a situation that sucks. I know that is a simple way of putting it. But go and read Romans 5 - suffering not only produces character....but then produces perseverance....which then produces hope.
So yes we will come across those suffering, and its more often than not in our suffering that our hope takes a beating like a ship in a storm tossed about the waves.... Yes we need faith to help us persevere. but we also need love and support to minister to our broken and bruised hope. We also need the time and space sometimes, to walk through our situation so that we can develop character and perseverance and finally hope.
We don't need the quick fix solutions. We need the person holding our hand as we walk the path. We need the words of encouragement. We need people praying for us. as well as loving us. as well as building into our faith.
1 Corinthians 13:13 says that these 3 things remain...Faith, Hope and Love....I think these 3 things are closely intertwined. Almost like our soul,spirit and body....all separate yet one....when 1 is affected then all 3 are effected. truly I believe it to be true. . .
But remember that the path to Hope, or restored Hope often is the path of pain and suffering and its a longer journey to get there....but well worth the journey....Just like faith has to be tested and proved by the fire...it appears hope has to ride the storms of suffering.
But in the church sometimes its more hidden. We are scared that people will see our broken hope and judge our faith. So we put on our christian mask to hide our hurting hearts. Proverbs 13:12 tells us that Hope deferred makes a heart sick. Loss of Hope is incredibly powerful, and those who are feeling hopeless, in the church, fear judgement and clam up and try work it out on their own. Love should cast out fear....and as a body we should be moving in love, so why do we fear judgement among ourselves. And I think that often we respond to someone's broken hope by trying to build their faith. But their faith isnt the problem.
I know there are many times when I have still had Faith in God and His word. I have not "lost my salvation" nor "my way" but have lost my hope. And I still read my bible daily, met with God and attended church. Often when I spoke to Christians about how I was feeling they would tell me that I need to worship more or fast or pray in tongues or read the word....but I was doing those things....
And yes we all need our Faith ministered to. But Hope is not faith and faith is not hope although the two are often closely woven together. And sometimes Hope only comes through perseverance which comes through standing strong for a long time in a situation that sucks. I know that is a simple way of putting it. But go and read Romans 5 - suffering not only produces character....but then produces perseverance....which then produces hope.
So yes we will come across those suffering, and its more often than not in our suffering that our hope takes a beating like a ship in a storm tossed about the waves.... Yes we need faith to help us persevere. but we also need love and support to minister to our broken and bruised hope. We also need the time and space sometimes, to walk through our situation so that we can develop character and perseverance and finally hope.
We don't need the quick fix solutions. We need the person holding our hand as we walk the path. We need the words of encouragement. We need people praying for us. as well as loving us. as well as building into our faith.
1 Corinthians 13:13 says that these 3 things remain...Faith, Hope and Love....I think these 3 things are closely intertwined. Almost like our soul,spirit and body....all separate yet one....when 1 is affected then all 3 are effected. truly I believe it to be true. . .
But remember that the path to Hope, or restored Hope often is the path of pain and suffering and its a longer journey to get there....but well worth the journey....Just like faith has to be tested and proved by the fire...it appears hope has to ride the storms of suffering.
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Diagnosis - Foot In Mouth
I honestly think that "Foot-In-Mouth" should be a real disorder...and not just any disorder...a chronic disorder. I have a great ability and habit of putting my foot in my mouth....maybe its not a disorder...maybe its a rare talent.
I read a lot of Christian Authors, and so often they take their mishaps/embarrasing moments and use them to spin a significant point or draw wisdom out of them. At one point in my life, I wondered if that is why i constantly was suffering from foot-in-mouth....gaining a library to use in my writing late...then days like today happen and there is no wisdom or insight I can draw from my embarrassing moment.
I was standing in line at the check-out/cashier/till waiting to pay for some groceries. There was a man and his daughter ahead of me. The shop was very busy. The man put through all his groceries. There was a huge gap and then some milk that I was buying was next in the queue. The lady pointed to the man, then the milk and asked if it was his. He politely answered no....ENTER Kerri's mouth....I couldn't resist....I cheekily said, "why not, I don't mind if he pays for my milk."
The cashier took the first milk and rang it up before either of us could stop here. If there was a rock, I would have crawled under it with my foot still in my mouth. I cringed. I was mortified! I had no idea how the guy would react or how to fix the situation. I told her that I was joking. Thankfully the man was patient, or appeared to be. She rang the bell and her light to get the manager to come and delete the milk from his till slip so that He could pay. The rest of the line behind me started spreading to other lines. We waited 12 ...long....embarrassing...moments till the manager finally appeared to fix the mistake that my mouth had got me into.... yes...sever cringe.....
but despite how cringe worthy a story that is, and a true story too....I can't find a way to spin it into a great devotion of any kind. Oh well, I guess it is just a milestone on my road of humiliation.
speaking of milestones....we all of milestones in our lives....so from tragic moments, some from embarassing moments, some from romantic moments, or joyful moments or family moments etc....so many things happen in life that leave us forever changed, like permanent memorials in our hearts.
Today is a big day in my family. 35 years ago today my dad made a huge and difficult decision. One that he has walked out and persevered in ALL these years. Setting an awesome example to us kids that we can overcome and that its not impossible to live by your decisions and your convictions....well done POPS. As always am super proud of you and love you for WHO you are.
I read a lot of Christian Authors, and so often they take their mishaps/embarrasing moments and use them to spin a significant point or draw wisdom out of them. At one point in my life, I wondered if that is why i constantly was suffering from foot-in-mouth....gaining a library to use in my writing late...then days like today happen and there is no wisdom or insight I can draw from my embarrassing moment.
I was standing in line at the check-out/cashier/till waiting to pay for some groceries. There was a man and his daughter ahead of me. The shop was very busy. The man put through all his groceries. There was a huge gap and then some milk that I was buying was next in the queue. The lady pointed to the man, then the milk and asked if it was his. He politely answered no....ENTER Kerri's mouth....I couldn't resist....I cheekily said, "why not, I don't mind if he pays for my milk."
The cashier took the first milk and rang it up before either of us could stop here. If there was a rock, I would have crawled under it with my foot still in my mouth. I cringed. I was mortified! I had no idea how the guy would react or how to fix the situation. I told her that I was joking. Thankfully the man was patient, or appeared to be. She rang the bell and her light to get the manager to come and delete the milk from his till slip so that He could pay. The rest of the line behind me started spreading to other lines. We waited 12 ...long....embarrassing...moments till the manager finally appeared to fix the mistake that my mouth had got me into.... yes...sever cringe.....
but despite how cringe worthy a story that is, and a true story too....I can't find a way to spin it into a great devotion of any kind. Oh well, I guess it is just a milestone on my road of humiliation.
speaking of milestones....we all of milestones in our lives....so from tragic moments, some from embarassing moments, some from romantic moments, or joyful moments or family moments etc....so many things happen in life that leave us forever changed, like permanent memorials in our hearts.
Today is a big day in my family. 35 years ago today my dad made a huge and difficult decision. One that he has walked out and persevered in ALL these years. Setting an awesome example to us kids that we can overcome and that its not impossible to live by your decisions and your convictions....well done POPS. As always am super proud of you and love you for WHO you are.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Tastes Like Chicken....and other randomness
So today I ate... 1 snake, 1 frog, 1 butterfly, 1 spider and 1 duck.
The snake was black
The frog was green
The butterfly was pink
The spider was also pink
and the duck.....
well the duck was crispy!
The snake was black
The frog was green
The butterfly was pink
The spider was also pink
and the duck.....
well the duck was crispy!
true story. random but true....for those who didn't work it out....the fist 4 were gummy sweets....though apparently we swallow like a gazillion spiders in our sleep, so apparently I have eat spiders....and you have all read about some of the other crazy things I have eaten over the years....crazy to some but all I got to say is YUM!
So tonight's blog is a bit of combined randomness and sillyness. . . I have been relaxing the last two evenings watching old movies... mainly because work has been intensely busy and I am exhausted, even ended up working today, YES....on a Saturday. So the odd quote or two has stuck in my brain.
It funny how some quotes/cliches/sayings are so perfect that they deserve to stick around...a friend of mine, when growing up used an expression all the time..."oh my shattered neurons" ....love that expression....so from the movies here are two more sayings that I might want to adopt.
"I'm about as flamboyant as a bagel."
"Those who drink C*ke and eat K*C are in a conspiracy against themselves."
mwahahahaha.....of my giddy aunt those are brilliant sayings...now to make them sound natural and not rehearsed when i throw them into a conversation. [yes, i stand in front of a mirror practicing sayings and facial expressions to try appear comfortable and normal when saying them....NOT!!!]
Then there was another of those classic bad logic moments....I saw someone post in facebook about how they had received a ticket for a traffic violation. A legit violation, one that is a known law and a law you study when needing to pass your licence. The person in the wrong was upset with being fined, and claimed there was no sign to indicate they couldn't do what they did....So another person agreed and said, "they can't fine you if there is no sign telling you its illegal to do that." [as I said it an established known law, not a recent addition or a law specific to that area or street.] . . i love the logic in their conversation...or rather lack of logic....by that same logic, if a thief breaks into my house and steals, and gets caught....he/she can also say, "there was no sign telling me I was breaking the law, so therefore i couldn't know it was unlawful." so with this in mind I am hanging "Do not steal" signs all over my house as a precaution.
and then we get the "not so bright" cat scenario.... we all know that my cat is not so bright....tonight it is raining...lots....my cat is sitting on the step just under the roof moaning at the rain. My cat is also releasing toxic gas that indicates my cat possibly needs to go potty...but cant because of the rain....so i dash outside into the rain and bring in his litterbox. I dry it out, and pour new litter into it.... a new brand. my cat immediately heads to the litterbox....i am smug, thinking i am the awesome owner who met her pets needs....my cat sniffs the new litter, starts scratching in it.....looks like a success story.... my cat then picks up some litter in his paw and eats it.... idiot....and it gets stuck on his tongue and he couldnt get it off.....really funny to watch.....needless to say my cat is back outside sitting on the step moaning at the rain......
and that is about as much randomness as any of us can handle for one night.....so good night.
Friday, August 19, 2016
Life sucks and then you die
Have any of you heard the expression I quoted in my title. . . there are variations on this expression, but some are little distasteful to quote. But lets be honest, few [if any] have had a life that is a bed of [thorn-less] roses. And most [if not all] of us, have had moments of complete and absolute devastation/discouragement/tragedy/grief.
Somehow I tend to find today's Christians [in general] try avoid grief at all costs. You get those who are so caught up in prosperity = happiness, that there is no room in their equation for grief/mourning/suffering. They think this is contrary to God's will. But how can we prosper in faith without suffering? How can we develope hope without suffering? and perseverance and character? in the need for our "happy" christian life, we are in essence stunting our spiritual growth. I am all for prosperity like the next person.... but in 1 John 3 it says that we should prosper and be in good health, as our soul prospers. Your soul needs a bit of persecution and struggle and hurt and suffering to grow and prosper....I KNOW IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! But God is not into package deals, where you can pick and choose what you want. He has tailor made a package for you, as an individual, and all ingredients included are [ultimately] for your good, even if you dont get it at first... or if it seems contrary. Just remember you are still alive, so the end has not yet come...and only the other side of eternity will it all make sense and then we will know, even as we are fully known. [for now we see in part 1 Cor 13].
God's priority is you and the best for you, even if it means having to take bad situations and turn them for your good. i encourage you to go and read Romans 5:3-4....God's way here seems contrary to our way. We want good to happen to grow our faith and rebuild our broken hope.... He seems to think persevering in trials will grow our hope....its interesting, isn't it?
I also find that another sector of modern christians want to slap a quick fix on your hurt, tell you to pull yourself together and get on with it. i sometimes refer to this as band aid christianity. We are all for the quick fix, the 10 mins praying in tongues a day or 15 minutes worship a day...or shout in worship or go for a prayer session etc etc....there is merit in these things, because God's principles are true...but sometimes we use them to cut our mourning short, or to cover the wound and act like its healed. its a form of denial but under a religious cloak.
You can't persevere if you are applying a quick fix. And also if you run to the quick fix, the principle, like a non christian might run to a vice....then how will you ever experience God as comforter? He promises to be close to the broken heart, and to comfort those who mourn. He is the Father of all comfort. And how will you develop perserverance and character and HOPE....if you quick fix it?
I think we are scared of the hurt/mourning/grief tragedy because often it brings about questions we cant answer, and because the intensity of the emotion is scarey....we like the happy version of christianity - its just sadly unrealisitic. ...But take heart because Jesus himself was a man of suffering. Not just one who suffered lots, but He was acquanited with suffering.... almost like it was a close companion....so for all those wanting a pain-free christian experience...you are reading the wrong bible.
Isaiah 53:3
He was despised and rejected—
a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
So take heart....Jesus understands your pain, more than anyone else....and yes take heart because life does sometimes suck....but then you will die, and as christian's how glorious is death....finally in eternal paradise without suffering.
Somehow I tend to find today's Christians [in general] try avoid grief at all costs. You get those who are so caught up in prosperity = happiness, that there is no room in their equation for grief/mourning/suffering. They think this is contrary to God's will. But how can we prosper in faith without suffering? How can we develope hope without suffering? and perseverance and character? in the need for our "happy" christian life, we are in essence stunting our spiritual growth. I am all for prosperity like the next person.... but in 1 John 3 it says that we should prosper and be in good health, as our soul prospers. Your soul needs a bit of persecution and struggle and hurt and suffering to grow and prosper....I KNOW IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! But God is not into package deals, where you can pick and choose what you want. He has tailor made a package for you, as an individual, and all ingredients included are [ultimately] for your good, even if you dont get it at first... or if it seems contrary. Just remember you are still alive, so the end has not yet come...and only the other side of eternity will it all make sense and then we will know, even as we are fully known. [for now we see in part 1 Cor 13].
God's priority is you and the best for you, even if it means having to take bad situations and turn them for your good. i encourage you to go and read Romans 5:3-4....God's way here seems contrary to our way. We want good to happen to grow our faith and rebuild our broken hope.... He seems to think persevering in trials will grow our hope....its interesting, isn't it?
I also find that another sector of modern christians want to slap a quick fix on your hurt, tell you to pull yourself together and get on with it. i sometimes refer to this as band aid christianity. We are all for the quick fix, the 10 mins praying in tongues a day or 15 minutes worship a day...or shout in worship or go for a prayer session etc etc....there is merit in these things, because God's principles are true...but sometimes we use them to cut our mourning short, or to cover the wound and act like its healed. its a form of denial but under a religious cloak.
You can't persevere if you are applying a quick fix. And also if you run to the quick fix, the principle, like a non christian might run to a vice....then how will you ever experience God as comforter? He promises to be close to the broken heart, and to comfort those who mourn. He is the Father of all comfort. And how will you develop perserverance and character and HOPE....if you quick fix it?
I think we are scared of the hurt/mourning/grief tragedy because often it brings about questions we cant answer, and because the intensity of the emotion is scarey....we like the happy version of christianity - its just sadly unrealisitic. ...But take heart because Jesus himself was a man of suffering. Not just one who suffered lots, but He was acquanited with suffering.... almost like it was a close companion....so for all those wanting a pain-free christian experience...you are reading the wrong bible.
Isaiah 53:3
He was despised and rejected—
a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
So take heart....Jesus understands your pain, more than anyone else....and yes take heart because life does sometimes suck....but then you will die, and as christian's how glorious is death....finally in eternal paradise without suffering.
Thursday, August 18, 2016
One Day It Will All Make Sense...
I was thinking about a scripture to go with what I want to blog about tonight...thankfully I opened facebook and someone had posted a scripture that fits perfectly...granted its out of context.... but I think its still applicable.
John 13:7 [NLT]
Jesus replied, “You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.”
Jesus was talking to Peter when He said this, but so often I think we, as individuals, need to hear these words too.
I remember a friend once telling me, when I was having a "i-dont-get-it" moment, that sometimes God tells us that we are going from Point A to point B, just to get us moving, to get us to leave the harbour because once we are moving he can steer the vessel to Point C which was where He really needed us to be. If we are stagnant and not moving, He can't redirect or guide or steer...and sometimes if He told us Point C was really the destination, we would be too scared and would never set sail.
It kind of makes sense, but also kind of doesn't....but I guess as finite man we will never truly grasp the ways of an infinite God. You see the truth is God is a bit like a giraffe....we are the ground dwellers, and as such have a limited view of things...But He towers above and gets to see the whole picture.
The reason this is on my heart....is because I have recently had a strange answer to prayer [though the conclusion is still in the pipeline...]. It made me realise that God works in his own way, accord to His will and His word....and like I wrote about yesterday, it might seem completely wrong...but that doesn't negate Him accomplishing His purpose.
There is someone I am trusting to have removed from my proximity. I have confronted, and prayed and thrown in boundaries and the situation seems to be worsening. Then on top of it, a person i really dont want to see leave my proximity had to suddenly pack and go. . . I remember even saying to God, "Wrong person....the other one is who I asked you to remove." it was frustrating and confusing ...and I was starting to get really irritated by the situation not being resolved.....
Today I realised that because the person I dont want to move, has to move....it has created a situation where the bad person has to move due to finances.... its interesting how God used the one situation to effect the change into the situation I wanted changed....but at one point it looked contrary to what I had asked for.... You just never full know what He is up too....but you can guarantee its for your good. So take heart, and don't loose faith.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
For Such A Time As This.
When I first became Christian, there was a popular song sung in churches, about being born for such a time as this. It always stirred something in my soul . . . .almost 22 years later, I can't deny that God does everything on purpose and with purpose, including me....but I can also tell you that the way I thought things would look, whilst in His purpose, is seldom how they ever look.
In fact they often almost look so far from what you think the purpose is that you wonder if you took a wrong turn somewhere. This morning I was listening to a sermon on the radio. They were preaching on the book of Esther. [the scripture about being born for such a time as this, is from the book of Esther.]
The preacher was talking about the beginning of the story. How Esther was not in the ideal situation. She was not one of the up and coming, hopefuls that were in the King's social setting and stood a chance of becoming queen. She didn't make the guest list to the 6 month party the King threw. She was a captive, not living in her own land, enslaved [in a sense] by her enemy. She was an orphan....can you imagine the depth of the heartache she must have experienced in loosing her parents? She was a woman, in a time and culture where women were looked down upon. None of that looks like a good start to becoming a queen or a woman of purpose. None of that looked like the perfect setting for someone who was going to save and change an entire people group/nation.
Then just when life was looking dim and dismal, she gets TAKEN into the King's palace to be raised up as part of his Harem....in this day and age we would be screaming for human rights to intervene because it is sex trafficking. think about it for a second....In this place she could have lost all hope, and assumed she might not get more than one night with the King - one night that wasn't her choice or idea to begin with....She probably doubted she could win his heart to become Queen....
But God.....
Somehow it all looked dim and dismal....it looked contrary to the purpose of God that was silently brewing in her heart.... it was not even a happy detour from the plan.... Yet somehow all the struggles, shaped her and made her....built her faith....taught her wisdom....brought wise counsel into her life....and forced the paths of destiny in a direction....and she didnt fight against it....she embraced it and walked her way into the throne room and the heart of the King.
Trust me, as one in a situation that doesn't look the way i imagined or wanted....and who has walked through many situations that didn't look the way i had hoped....even in the dark, confusing, contrary moments stay the course, keep on keeping on....walk on Purpose into His purpose.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Cut . . . It . . . Out
This are quite old photos of persimmon/Sharon fruit trees. I used to love seeing the trees when they were full of fruit, whilst I lived in Albania. One of the reasons they fascinated me is because you would see a tree and it would appear DEAD. Almost all the leaves had fallen off or were dry and brown. The branches were dry and brown but yet bright orange fruit were hanging in abundance. It almost looked like someone had deliberately stuck them there, the way you would Christmas decorations.
It always seemed a contradiction to me. . . it also reminded me so much of the scripture that speaks of bearing fruit in and out of season....because these trees appeared dead or out of season but the fruit was there....
But this week, i randomly was thinking about these trees and another thought occurred to me. I started thinking of Matthew 7 and a few other scriptures that talk about knowing a tree by its fruit. How a good tree produces good fruit and vice versa.
I started thinking about this in relation to sin. How we are strongly encouraged to rip sin out at its roots, in our lives....to cut it off or cut it out....not to leave a trace. A bit like a cancer cell in the body, doctors can be so ruthless when dealing with cancer that sometimes some of the good cells around a cancer cell are removed as a precaution and to prevent it spreading. sin is like a cancer in us, but how many of us deal with it ruthlessly?
Its like that tree bearing bad fruit. . . but how many of us strip the tree of the fruit, stop watering it till the leaves dry up and fall off....we might go so far as to trim the branches...but if you have not rooted out the issue, no matter how dead the fruit appears....be careful because it can still produce fruit [usually when you least expect it].
Monday, August 15, 2016
*blush* *cringe* *facepalm*
Have you ever had one of those awkward embarrassing moments. . . of course you have! Which is why you are all thinking, "Um...could you be more specific please?"
There are a million ways we can, and often do, embarrass ourselves. I am talking about those moments when you miss something that is VERY obvious. You know those days when you run around frantically searching for your glasses that are on top of your head....once i did that and i was wearing my glasses....awkward, i know!!!!
Well recently I had one of those moments. As mentioned I have taken a year membership for my happy place, the local aquarium. It truly is a big, awesome feature that is super well designed. unlike the original aquarium that was in durban, and many others in the world...they have put a ton of effort into the decor [as well as the animals]. the whole theme is a sunken ship... obvious but awesome.
The other day a friend commented on how cool it is that they made it like a sunken ship that had capsized, and was upside down and how all the furniture was placed on the ceiling. I awkwardly laughed in agreement as to how cool it was. internally, in my brain i was confused as anything! i did not have the foggiest clue what they were on about. i had been to this aquarium 3 times and never noticed anything remotely like that before. Pride made me not admit this, and so i bluffed my way through and the topic moved on. [that friend is probably reading this now - dbl cringe factor!].
so when I went to this aquarium on Sunday.... I was happily enjoying all the fish.... and really enjoying being back there...loving the sound effects of creaking wood and dripping water that they add to enhance the atmosphere. getting my chill on....Next thing there is a rush of excitement. The divers were about to feed the stingrays. . .so we all rush off to squeeze into the crowd gathered at that tank. While we wait for the divers to enter the water, one of the staff is giving background about the aquarium and mentions the furniture etc on the ceiling to give it the feeling of being upside down, capsized on the bottom of the ocean. I was visiting for the 4th time, and had totally forgotten to even look and see if what my friend had said was true....so i glanced up and sure enough....almost everywhere had this effect.
*cringe* *blush* *facepalm*
awkward moment, thankfully I was alone in my embarrassment, no friends to tease me about it.
There are a million ways we can, and often do, embarrass ourselves. I am talking about those moments when you miss something that is VERY obvious. You know those days when you run around frantically searching for your glasses that are on top of your head....once i did that and i was wearing my glasses....awkward, i know!!!!
Well recently I had one of those moments. As mentioned I have taken a year membership for my happy place, the local aquarium. It truly is a big, awesome feature that is super well designed. unlike the original aquarium that was in durban, and many others in the world...they have put a ton of effort into the decor [as well as the animals]. the whole theme is a sunken ship... obvious but awesome.
The other day a friend commented on how cool it is that they made it like a sunken ship that had capsized, and was upside down and how all the furniture was placed on the ceiling. I awkwardly laughed in agreement as to how cool it was. internally, in my brain i was confused as anything! i did not have the foggiest clue what they were on about. i had been to this aquarium 3 times and never noticed anything remotely like that before. Pride made me not admit this, and so i bluffed my way through and the topic moved on. [that friend is probably reading this now - dbl cringe factor!].
so when I went to this aquarium on Sunday.... I was happily enjoying all the fish.... and really enjoying being back there...loving the sound effects of creaking wood and dripping water that they add to enhance the atmosphere. getting my chill on....Next thing there is a rush of excitement. The divers were about to feed the stingrays. . .so we all rush off to squeeze into the crowd gathered at that tank. While we wait for the divers to enter the water, one of the staff is giving background about the aquarium and mentions the furniture etc on the ceiling to give it the feeling of being upside down, capsized on the bottom of the ocean. I was visiting for the 4th time, and had totally forgotten to even look and see if what my friend had said was true....so i glanced up and sure enough....almost everywhere had this effect.
*cringe* *blush* *facepalm*
awkward moment, thankfully I was alone in my embarrassment, no friends to tease me about it.
you see, I was so focused on what was directly in front of me, that i missed out on the whole picture. Yes what was in front of me was great but it was just a portion....my encouragement to you all....don't get so distracted with the here and now [whether good or bad] that you miss out on God in the picture....because He is always there, and there is always so much more at work than just what you see.
Sunday, August 14, 2016
insync
I am having a love affair with Africa this last week and a bit. Too often, we as South African's living in South Africa, can be so focused on the negative in our land [which really does exist], that we loose sight of its beauty. We also loose sight of how close at hand that beauty is. Or we take it for granted, as a been-there-done-that type attitude grips our hearts.
This last week has been gorgeous, not just in the people i have met, but in the gorgeous landscapes i have scene [deliberate spelling mistake/pun] and the amazing animals so close at hand. I am choosing to enjoy what is around me, while its around me....so for my birthday I have treated myself [on behalf of my parents] to a one year pass so that i can go and sit and watch marine life anytime i want.
There is something so relaxing and refreshing just sitting watching fish in their glorious colours swim by, seemingly peacefully. just a place to exhale and enjoy the shapes, sounds and colours of creation.
I spent my morning there, and left feeling like i had found my happy place. I even watched the dolphin show. Look how perfectly insync these 3 were. I struggle to get my own body to be co-ordinated....let alone to be in step with someone else's movements. If you ever need a good laugh you should watch me attempt to dance. But these 3 were in perfect sync.
Reminds me of a favorite scripture of mine - will use the Voice translation
Galatians 5:25
Now since we have chosen to walk with the Spirit, let’s keep each step in perfect sync with God’s Spirit.
Don't run ahead, or step out of time....stay in step with Him.
Saturday, August 13, 2016
all in a day's work...
I am exhausted, but in a feeling-rewarded-rested-productive type of way. Every muscle in my body is silently protesting, just enough to let me know they worked hard....but not so bad that i am in agony. . . I know that I will sleep exceptionally well tonight...and my bath was pure bliss as I lay and soaked off the day.
You see today I decided that I didn't like the look of my one flower bed anymore...time for a make-over. This might not sound like backbreaking work...but please note that me, myself and I did the following.
You see today I decided that I didn't like the look of my one flower bed anymore...time for a make-over. This might not sound like backbreaking work...but please note that me, myself and I did the following.
- Dug up an entire garden bed...removing every plant, big and small in it. [it was an easy way to deweed too.]
- moved the small rocks from the water feature.
- moved and bedded in 3 half sized wooden railway sleepers.
- push the cement sitting area of a bench off its cement legs.
- moved both cement legs to new location
- moved a potted tree
- moved 4 potted rose bushes.
- moved 3 other big pots [full]
- replanted entire bed.
I did have a friend help me move the top part of the cement bench. once before i had moved it onto a wheel barrow by myself and managed to manipulate it to its new location. But i knew the one guy staying on premise wouldn't mind giving me a hand this time.
I worked hard. . . for hours...it was fantastic and therapeutic - gardening always is for me. and i feel so productive. What was an added bonus is that some of the seedlings i planted today, i had grown from seeds. Now lets hope the plants stop sulking from being transplanted and go back to thriving.I kind of understand how God could look at his handiwork, at creation, and say "It is good." I do believe He enjoyed His own creativity. But I also believe He enjoyed the productivity and the thrill of a finished project. If He didn't enjoy it, then why would we...considering we are made in His image/likeness.
I also do not know when last I was this dirty. . . I enjoy dirt. truthfully. I love to dig in the sand without gloves on, and walk in my garden barefoot. . . its part of the joy of gardening for me, to get dirty. But today I took it to a whole new level of dirty.
It was so bad that my cat even tried to clean me....true story....my cat is not one who usually licks a person. Today when I sat for a breather after work, before going to bath. My cat jumped up, and started sniffing me....then tried to rub his scent on my jeans...then started licking my arm. When I pushed him away, he swatted me with his paw and silently meowed at me and tried to lick again. He would not stop till i physically got up and walked away. Yup...first time i have ever been so dirty that even my cat thought it wasnt acceptable.
but mission accomplished....and now, tomorrow, i can rest and be a bit slothful...for as good for my soul as today was....the muscles will need a go slow day tomorrow, for sure. Especially with the work week looming in the distance.
BEFORE
AFTER
Friday, August 12, 2016
Loosing perspective
So my mom informed me today that my blog called "perspective" was blank except for one random photo. I was frustrated, shattered, devastated. I had taken lots of time writing it, plus with how frustrating my internet had been for 3 days, it all was just plain and simply...irritating.
Another factor was that i write on the fly. I don't plan and meditate and draft. i sit and put my fingers on the keyboard when a thought crosses through my brain and there it is. So I sat all afternoon pondering, what could i possibly have had perspective about? I drew a blank, the thought train had long since left the station.
Granted that at the time of trying to train my brain to trace its thought track back to the perspective station, i was also trying to book an operating theater [complete with assistant, paediatrician, aneathetist etc] for a woman who was in labour ahead of schedule but needed an urgent caesarean section.....this could have greatly hindered my ability to regain perspective on...well...perspective.
I was randomly reminded of the scripture in Hosea 4:6
my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.
You see when we lack direction, focus, perspective....we hit a redundant rut. We get stuck, we can't progress, and eventually its game over. its a dry, dark and devastating place to be. God has created us all with a purpose and on purpose, so being in this place goes against His plan of action....it also leads to distraction and double-mindedness.
And we all know that double-mindedness is not good....and in case we didn't know, God spells it out clearly in James 1:8 for us.
8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
I had one of those double-mindedness moments tonight. its been 3 days of intensely crazy and busy work where i barely had a chance to ...um... breathe.... so heading home tonight....friday night...i am excited at the prospect of it being weekend....and my stomach is sending signals to my brain that it is craving something.
Now my problem with cravings is that i don't always know what i am craving or what i am craving might not be available in my country.. . when in Albania i frequently craved south african cuisine. and now that i am back in SA, i crave the Mediterranean inspired cuisine of albania. we are never satisfied are we? So tonight i suspect that i am craving KFC....no wait, possibly sushi....umm....
So i stop in at a supermarket that does good, and reasonably priced sushi.....lets just say that my meal tonight looked like this.....
Yup....i really wasn't sure what i was craving, so ended up with a little bit of everything and none of it was friend or fish....go figure.... i did enjoy it though.
On the plus side i regained perspective....nope, not on life....my blog "perspective" was relocated and reposted.... and i also had a small victory....my hair was finally long enough to put up in ponytail...yay....celebrate the small victories in life....long hair here i come.
Another factor was that i write on the fly. I don't plan and meditate and draft. i sit and put my fingers on the keyboard when a thought crosses through my brain and there it is. So I sat all afternoon pondering, what could i possibly have had perspective about? I drew a blank, the thought train had long since left the station.
Granted that at the time of trying to train my brain to trace its thought track back to the perspective station, i was also trying to book an operating theater [complete with assistant, paediatrician, aneathetist etc] for a woman who was in labour ahead of schedule but needed an urgent caesarean section.....this could have greatly hindered my ability to regain perspective on...well...perspective.
I was randomly reminded of the scripture in Hosea 4:6
my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.
You see when we lack direction, focus, perspective....we hit a redundant rut. We get stuck, we can't progress, and eventually its game over. its a dry, dark and devastating place to be. God has created us all with a purpose and on purpose, so being in this place goes against His plan of action....it also leads to distraction and double-mindedness.
And we all know that double-mindedness is not good....and in case we didn't know, God spells it out clearly in James 1:8 for us.
8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
I had one of those double-mindedness moments tonight. its been 3 days of intensely crazy and busy work where i barely had a chance to ...um... breathe.... so heading home tonight....friday night...i am excited at the prospect of it being weekend....and my stomach is sending signals to my brain that it is craving something.
Now my problem with cravings is that i don't always know what i am craving or what i am craving might not be available in my country.. . when in Albania i frequently craved south african cuisine. and now that i am back in SA, i crave the Mediterranean inspired cuisine of albania. we are never satisfied are we? So tonight i suspect that i am craving KFC....no wait, possibly sushi....umm....
So i stop in at a supermarket that does good, and reasonably priced sushi.....lets just say that my meal tonight looked like this.....
Yup....i really wasn't sure what i was craving, so ended up with a little bit of everything and none of it was friend or fish....go figure.... i did enjoy it though.
On the plus side i regained perspective....nope, not on life....my blog "perspective" was relocated and reposted.... and i also had a small victory....my hair was finally long enough to put up in ponytail...yay....celebrate the small victories in life....long hair here i come.
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Not so bright...
I know all my friends are enjoying fruit down there, but I think I'll stay here and eat this tree branch...yummy *cough splutter grimace*
OOH! Look! Dirt! I think I'll Kiss it!
This looks like a safe place to rest. Nope, don't see any danger nearby, perfectly safe am I.
These animals clearly are not the brightest nature had to offer. But then again that doesn't always surprise me when it comes to animals. . . if you met my cat you would understand what i meant. My ex landlady renamed my cat, "Not so bright." He honestly is really stupid sometimes. He is the type of cat who is an excellent hunter but struggles to find his full food bowl that he was eating out of 5 minutes beforehand. He hisses at himself in the mirror or freezes in fear at his reflection. At any given time when having a choice between fresh water and the toilet.... he chooses the toilet....YUP, not so bright is he.
Sometimes us humans are not so bright either. Today I heard of a true encounter of a person. They are struggling to make ends meet, and are unemployed. [ their significant other is employed.] As a result they have been neglecting their health and missing critical appointments. They have also been off their medication for a month. Now the type of medication they are on should never be stopped cold turkey, and is not something you should start and stop as it does more damage. A doctor asked them why don't they go to the state hospitals for FREE medical care. The doctor even offered to use a contact to help get them in. The person responded that they would have to sit in a queue for hours. The doctor questioned what else they were doing with their day, because they are unemployed. The person said they just didn't feel like sitting in a queue. Also their significant other wouldn't like them going to a state clinic to obtain medication. The doctor then posed the question, "So your significant other and yourself would rather put your health at risk and do damage to you body than go and receive FREE medical treatment?"
"YES!"
was the resounding answer.
now i get that state hospitals are no picnic, they really aren't. But surely when your health is at risk you will take the option if you need it? Especially if you have a contact to help you through the system quicker. surely you wouldn't pass up free care for the sake of convenience? or would you?
How often in life do we have God options presented to us? Clear cut, easy to follow options. how often do we choose the wrong choice even though the correct one is blaringly obvious?
Deut 30:19 [not full verse, but some portions of it]
Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses.....Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Follow the Leader
It makes me think about us, and our everyday life. . . to often we are so busy trying to be the leader that we forget to follow THE Leader.
The Greek word Χριστιανός (Christianos), meaning "follower of Christ
As Christians, our name in the greek originally meant followers of Christ.
This is what we originally came from. And even if we do step into some form of leadership then we are called, like Paul to set the example. . .and to follow Christ, so others can follow us as we follow Christ. [1 Corinthians 11:1]
I noticed another interesting scripture. . . because its all good and well to be a Christ follower when we are walking through the lush abundant fields of blessing, health and prosperity... but what happens when we hit the rocky roads?
1 Peter 2:21
For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.
Are you prepared to follow Christ, even into suffering? or will you complain and grumble in the hard times? Are you prepared to be the leader, following Christ's example to the point that you can tell others to follow/imitate you?
some days my life and reactions make me question WHO i follow, who I imitate? and i can surely say on those days i wouldn't want a new believer imitating that. We all have those moments, thank God for repentance and forgiveness when we do have those days. I think anyone parent, or anybody, who hears a small kid repeat a "bad" word that came out of the adult's mouth, all has that moment of guilt...it is similar to that. . . but be open about your mistake, own it and repent of it and embrace the beauty of forgiveness.
Because we are called to be followers of Christ, and when He called us, He didn't wait for us to be perfected first. We are a work in progress. . . but just because we might look more like a baby elephant, or the elephant that rolled in dung instead of mud, doesn't disqualify us from choosing to follow the leader.
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