Oh look....another box

I was doing my usual quick scroll through social media as I sipped on my first cuppa coffee for the day. This post/advert briefly caught my eye. . . I can't remember the exact wording but it was something along the lines of this. The danger of telling a single story about ourselves or our lives is that we will become only that story. If you continuously portray or perceive a person as one thing, then that is what they become.

I spent about a decade of my life in Albania, as most know. We, as humans, often use the place people live as an identity marker. I know in South Africa, I was not born in Durban, but most of the Durbanites frown upon people from where I was born [close to JHB] and so I didn't disclose to them where I was born, I pretended I was always a durbanite. Yes, where we come from can influence who we are... but it is not the sum total of who we are.

So I spent time in Albania, but before that I had spent 23 years in South Africa [born and raised], and almost a year in America. What many have not grasped yet is since Albania I have been back in South Africa almost 5 years.  Yet, I am still referred to as the girl from Albania, or Albanian or the missionary. I have been off the mission field half as long as i was on it. But because for so many years I was on it, it has become yet another box for my life, yet another identity assigned to me. But surely I am more than that? Surely there is more to it, but the record of that portion of my life is still playing in people's minds and so it becomes me [to them]. And it will become me to myself if I let it.

I can understand how for some they followed the story so intensely that its hard for them to realise or see that there is more to me. But I am more than Albania. It has been a struggle returning to a culture that was once familiar after a decade in another culture because yes it did shape me and influence me. But in the years since I have been back there have been many life experiences that have shaped me, influenced me and informed me. I understand how I myself, when struggling to adjust, or friends/family/acquaintances when struggling to grasp the changes in me [especially if they knew me before Albania] will want to default on the Albania box to explain it all away. 

But again I ask....surely I am more than that. Surely in the great scheme of life, let alone eternity, I am more than one nation's influence on me. More than one story. Surely there is more to me than the one box still assigned to my identity. Just like a mom is more than a mom. or a wife is more than a wife. or a son is more than a son. Not every American is the same, not every South African is the same. Not every Durbanite is the same. [the list is endless]

Yes it will always be a part of who they are but the have the potential for so much more if we can strip down the boxes we put each other in and allow ourselves the freedom to be ourselves and tell all of our story.  Their is so much diversity around, lets stop boxing it all up and rather spread it out, put it on display.