3:30am and I am rudely awoken by extreme pain. This has rarely happened to me, I almost said "if ever" but then remember a bout of kidney stones some years back. Thankfully this is not kidney stones. It was a strange pain, my shoulder joint was screaming at me, and its minions of pain were beating down my entire arm to my finger joints, causing my muscles to spasm in protest. No idea why it happened, never had arm pain like that before, can only assume I'd slept wrong on my arm or something. It was so painful that it didn't just wake me up but has kept me from going back to sleep or being able to find a position to sit/stand/lie in where I am not aware of the pain. So as I sit and wait for the painkiller to kick in, I might as well blog a bit.
My pain becomes your gain....just joking.
So as most know I work for a doctor, a gynaecologist/obstetrician, who jokingly reminds me how judgy I am. Here is another common moment of me being judgy. We get people from all walks of life coming in pregnant, and it is interesting to see how they all handle pregnancy and delivery. You become close to them as you travel over roughly 9 months together. But many times I will say to my boss, "That one wont want an epidural" And each time I would be correct. One day she asked me how I knew in those particular cases those patients wouldn't want an epidural. And I said to her, "They all come from a certain circle within Christianity where we are taught that because we are free from the curse we need to have faith that we wont have pain in childbirth. So they will try their hardest to grin and bear it to prove their faith." to which she sweetly replied "judgy judgy judgy".
This is not a blog about the benefits/negative side-effects of having an epidural. I'm not into debating medical issues. This is a blog about pain. [and a bit again of my judgy nature] Also it is not only this women from this circle of Christianity who don't want epidurals, there are different walks of life and beliefs who also choose not to have epidurals. I chose this example because it is a reflection on how a an interpretation of scripture can lead us to associate pain with lack of faith.
I'll be honest most of these sweet people probably take a painkiller for a headache or muscle injury or even a period pain. [yes I did just mention periods again on my blog]. But suddenly when it comes to childbirth the ability to take something to assist with pain management is a sin and a show of lack of faith? Also let me tell you, some of the language we hear coming out of these sweet people during childbirth might be far worse reflection of their so-called faith than taking pain medication...but the good news is God is not judgy like me. And is probably more excited at the miracle of life than at the worrying about the pain relief or language expressed in the process. And thank goodness forgiveness is never off the table when we repent. I can also tell you that in 3 years, I have only come across a handful of woman who chose not to have an epidural and were ok with it. The majority come into our office for the first visit post delivery and tell us, "I should have had the epidural." We have even had a few say, "if someone is struggling to decide about an epidural, we will happily speak to them because we wish we had listened."
So again this is not a blog promoting an epidural but a blog about pain. Why is it that we associate pain with a lack of faith? Why is it we associate pain with the curse? If we are free from the curse then we are free from pain? There are some who will even ask you, as a christian if you prayed for healing first before you popped your painkiller for your headache? Now, yes I like the concept, and strive for the concept of God first in my life. But God also gifted doctors and scientists with the ability to create medication that can help people. You [hopefully] wouldn't judge a person who takes chemo for cancer or a person who takes ARV for HIV, so don't judge me because I took a pain killer for a frozen shoulder this morning. Yes I did pray, cause the pain was so bad. But I also popped a pill.
I think we need to make peace with the fact that pain is not necessarily a bad thing, nor is it a sign of weak faith. Genesis 3:16 speaks about the childbirth issue when God was cursing humanity. But reading through different translations I see wording like; "I will make your pain in childbearing very severe" not "you will now have pain in childbearing" it states it like the pain was already there and now it would be worse. Many translations say "i will increase your pain".... I am not a theologian but it clearly looks like pain existed before the curse but did increase within the curse.
It would make sense that pain existed because our bodies need pain. It is useful for our protection and survival. If we are injured, we are aware of the injury because of pain. It makes use stop and attend to the injury. It helps us gauge our healing by our pain levels. One of the things nurses check with patients often is their pain level, they have a chart of faces and numbers for patients to be able to express how much pain they are in.
Pain is a warning system. Holding a hot cup of coffee, the heat can be soothing but place your hand on a stove and the pain...not the heat...are a warning sign to yank your hand away quickly to prevent further injury.
Pain is a mother's way of knowing the time has come for life to be brought forth, it triggers the body into action.
And I'm not just talking about physical pain, it just happens to be the easiest illustration to write about, but emotional and spiritual pain to. Jesus wept when his a friend died. Yes Jesus knew he was about to raises him to life again, but that is not the point. Jesus felt the pain of the situation and freely expressed it.
The tears we cry from the pain we carry are useful for healing. Those who mourn will be comforted. God is close to the brokenhearted. Every tear we cry He has taken note of. Psalm 56:8 [msg] You've kept track of my every toss and turn through sleepless nights. Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book." Pain is a real part of everyday life, some pain is greater than others.
Suffocating/numbing the pain with drugs, alcohol, negative relational behavior,philosophies, ideologies, intellect etc will not heal the pain. An injured athlete on painkillers performing is at risk of increased injury and permanent damage because they lack the ability to feel the pain, the warning system, of their body. Suffocating/numbing the pain with the incorrect things will do the same thing, increase the injury and possibly cause further injury. Even using the right things to suffocate/numb the pain will have the same effect. I burnt out on the mission field and ended up with PTSD but suppressing pain under my calling and vision and servitude and "following God's will" instead of pausing to mourn. The good things if used incorrectly can do as much damage as the bad things we numb our souls with. If even Jesus could draw aside to find comfort, or weep in the midst of his calling, who do we think we don't need to? We weren't truly design to grin and bear it and just push through and push on.
We were designed to rest, to heal, to mourn, to cry. Selah.
Pain is not a sign of weak faith, otherwise how do we explain the suffering of Christ? The dislocated hip of Jacob from his God encounter? Everything Paul went through?
In your pain though, don't go it alone. Lean on God. Lean on your support. Get help in your healing, whether its a doctor, or a medication to assist [not numb] or professional counseling or prayer support or friendship/family support or all of the above. There is no shame in getting help to manage the pain, because many of these things will help in healing the pain too. But make peace with pain and suffering and know that you can be at peace amidst it because He who is great holds you lovingly is catching every tear, making note of every pain.
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