Not only does life change, but we all are constantly changing...sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad and sometimes its simply different, neither good nor bad, just different to what it was.
I know many of us will have a moment where we take a long hard look in the mirror and wonder "where did all that grey come from?" or "when did that start to droop?" etc. our bodies change, our lives change. we change. many of us avoid the mirror, but even if we don't look in the mirror it doesn't mean the change hasn't taken place.
Sometimes its a circumstance that happens that shows us that our values or a part of who we are has changed. This happened to me the other day. I was walking from the parking lot toward a supermarket when the following scene caught my attention. It was so loud it caught everyone's attention. A well built older gentleman had sworn at a car of younger men because they had ignored the stop street by the pedestrian crossing [known as a zebra crossing in South Africa - not because wild life walks around our streets but because its black and white stripes - just putting it out there]. This resulted in the older man almost being hit by the car, and so he swore angrily at them. The car stopped and 5 well built younger men got out and started confronting the older man, it was very heated and quite volatile.
Two things amazed me in this situation. a large amount of people present, all hurriedly walked past and ignored the situation, pretending it didn't exist. This shocked me because the older gentleman was on his own and could have been hurt. Even the security didn't seem to pay it to much attention.
The other thing that amazed me wasn't that I stopped and took it all in, but that I constantly took a step forward toward the situation, to be involved in someway. I had no fear, no idea what I would do once there. None of them needed my physical strength because compared to all involved I am not going to be any good in a fight. But i felt duty bound, almost like a sense of community was magnetically drawing me in.
It did eventually dissipate with the older gentleman walking away like a man should. I followed suite and entered the shop when suddenly it hit me what I had done. "When did i start reacting like that?" "Why did it anger me that no one else took notice?". Somewhere along the line in my life, I had changed. I realized that this had occurred from living many years in Albania which is an honor culture. Where community holds each other responsible and is involved. I used to even have old ladies come up to me on the street and rub my arms and tell me to be careful of catching a cold, if i just happen to be walking without a jersey when the rest of the community felt it was too cold to be without one. It was acceptable. It was normal. It was a way of honoring.
This isn't very present in western cultures, where its we are all about ourselves, and its almost considered rude to get involved in other people's affairs. In fact you can [in some countries even get sued for performing CPR on a person ...imagine getting sued for trying to save a life?].
It also helped makes sense of why i find it difficult to fully fit in and readjust to South Africa. Who i am in many areas,has changed. I compulsively want to be involved in people's lives and have them involved in my life, but I am back in a society governed by busyness and selfishness. [yes it may be culture but lets call it what it is.].
Another area i realized i had changed a lot in, was the area of commitments. In Albania your YES was YES! and your MAYBE was also YES! you were committed and you didn't dare not uphold your commitment because it would cause an almost unforgivable offence. But in this nation, due to busyness and selfishness its acceptable to cancel plans, even at the last minute, or to double book plans or meetings or never follow through on suggested plans. no one thinks its offensive in the slightest.
i have really struggled with this, especially in the church. Thinking Christians should be different. That they should let their yes be yes. and there no be no, as scripture suggests. but someone its not that way. And worse yet, we are meant to not question or be offended if the reason for the changed or cancelled plans is a church event or action. its almost like we are saying, "because its a church activity/service etc that is higher than keeping our word."
Of course being human, created to be in relationship and suffering rejection when not combined with living for years in a culture that honors their word and commitments....well lets just say its a bad combination moving back into a westernized culture. a really bad, and damaging combination.
But we keep on keeping on. i am making peace with the fact that i have changed, i am no longer 100% south african. neither am i 100% albanian. i am a mixture of both, with a touch of american and christian culture all thrown in for good measure. The people i am encountering generally aren't the same combination as i am. i need to find Grace both for them, and for myself. And i need to truly be grateful that God isn't like this. Thank God He Keeps His Word!
Numbers 23:19
God is not human, that he should lie,
not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?
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