Last night I did something that I never imagined I would ever do. Before I even confess my act to you all, I need to add a disclaimer or two.
1] My parents did raise me with manners.
2] This is not a licence for anyone else to do what I did.
3] This is not the solution to all of your, or my, problems - it is an isolated incident.
So last night, I closed the door on someone. Not spiritually, or figuratively. I literally closed the door in their face, turned the key to lock it and walked away. End of discussion.
So often as Christians we talk about closing the door to sin or patterns of behavior or addiction or offence or generational curses or or or. We figuratively and spiritually mean to put a stop to something. Last night was one of those nights where I was putting a boundary in place in a pattern I have walked in for many years, but it ended up literally being something I had to do.
For years I have frequently found myself in similar unhealthy/abusive relational situations. I kept following the same unhealthy friendship patterns and having it not end well, and walked away wounded and bruised. [I am sure other parties involved felt the same.] In the last year, with a lot of help and prayer and counsel I have started to identify my weak areas and character traits that tend towards these type of friendships. My soft spot, that thing, that personality type that I am destructively drawn to, that keeps me repeating this pattern. That seductive [not sexual] thing that appeals to my weak side, and tempts me to step in. I have also had to start to look at existing relationships and put in stronger boundaries or issue eviction notices [figuratively]. These are difficult things to do, because existing relationships have stronger bonds and are harder to effect change and wounds seem to cut more deeply. But I have slowly and surely made an effort in this area.
Someone helped me realize that I will stand before God and be accountable for myself, [only] and my life. One of my main priorities, besides my relationship with God, is being a faithful steward of WHO HE CREATED ME TO BE. . . If you were house-sitting a gorgeous, freshly painted mansion with a manicured lawn, you wouldn't allow the neighbors to come and throw their bags of trash/rubbish/garbage onto the front porch would you? Imagine trying to explain that to the owner when he returned? "I am sorry there is poop on the front porch, I thought the neighbor might feel judged if I told them not to put it there." or "I am sorry there is garbage scattered over your lawn, causing it to die, but I didn't want them to think I didn't love them if I said no." It sounds a bit ridiculous doesn't it? So why do we, who are bought with a price [the precious blood of Jesus], who have been sanctified and set free, allow others to dump their garbage in our lives? There are so many spiritual cliches to justify it, but no matter what color you paint it, its not godly.
I have walked through so much abuse in my life. And as an adult have become involved in many unhealthy/poisonous friendships and abusive situations. I had to come to the point, as an adult, where i repented for allowing abuse to continuously enter my life. For almost welcoming it [even unwillingly] into my life. This is not God's best for me. We hear of it often, among Christians and non Christians, that abuse victims keep walking back into abusive relationships, or even become abusive themselves. It is not a new thing. So it doesn't come as a surprise that I kept walking out the same repetitive patterns.
Recently a new acquaintance has crossed my path. I didn't see it at first, but soon I realized that this was starting to look a exactly like past unhealthy friendships. It was like my eyes were opened and I could see the trap being laid before me. I am not saying the person is bad, please don't misinterpret. But the situation would become bad if i didn't put in healthy boundaries. so i did just that, I started putting in boundaries. The person ignored the boundaries [another warning sign]. So in a firm but loving way I kept trying to reinforce the boundaries. The person kept trying to bulldoze over those boundaries, i could see this was not going to work. So finally, last night, i stood face to face in my doorway with this person and they were bringing all that garbage toward me and I thought, "No. I have had enough. I don't want this in my life, its unhealthy and wont honor God. I need to shut it down." So I did. I closed the door, locked it with the key, and politely not sarcastically, wished them a good evening. End of story. Boundary firmly in place. Despite being told the way they acted and treated me were inappropriate and unwelcome, they had ignored my words. So I had to put my foot down and draw a tangible boundary. not just so they got the message, but also to reinforce to myself, that i am not walking this path again.
My Freedom is costly, it literally cost Christ His all, His life. I am done with the games, I am done repeating certain patterns. God saved me so that i can enjoy healthy, godly relationship with Him and others. I am not settling for second best. I am done with the hindrances that so easily distract and the sin that entangles, in this area of friendships i am drawing my boundary lines and shutting the door when necessary. I am grateful my eyes were opened to the destructive patterns in my life, ones that before always left me baffled because I didn't know how I kept ending up in the same situations. But now I know and I ain't going there no more.Ii, with God's help, and accountability, and a whole lot of love and grace, am not repeating unhealthy patterns anymore, and am not allowing others to dump their garbage at my door. [or in my life.] I want to enjoy the healthy friendships that can be found in Him.
I know some might not like my stance. Some will think I am being harsh or unloving or judgemental. But boundaries are healthy and they are godly, and they are there for protection. If I had continued to entertain that unhealthy way of relating, from both parties involved, it would have ended up hurting both of us. Boundaries are for our own good and the other person's own good. God is a God of boundaries. You look at creation and you will see His boundary lines everywhere. Where the ocean meets the shore is just an example. Right in the beginning, in relationship with mankind, He was firm with His boundaries. Do not eat of the tree. And once they did, He had to bring, not just a consequence, but another boundary in place.
Genesis 3:24 [the voice translation]
After driving them out, He stationed winged guardians[a] at the east end of the garden of Eden and set up a sword of flames which alertly turned back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
He didn't place the boundary out of spite, but for their own protection. We can't afford to keep letting our boundaries down. So examine your life, and see where you need to take that stand and shut that door. . . preferably figuratively.
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