This year I have had to face the sad
reality of death too often. The month was no different, and this
previous week was again a tragic reminder. As I look back over my
life I have had to come to terms with this fact: Whether we like it
or not, death is a companion of life, ever present.
So is it friend or foe?
[as morbid as this theme might seem, I
urge you to read to the end...as I stare this thing in its face....
but I promise there is Hope to be found.]
I think my first experience of death
[that I remember] was when we had a dog put down. We were still
living in Johannesburg, so I was younger than 9 years old. I had no
real understanding of death and in fact I think I was glad because it
meant we could keep the stray cat we had found because we had no dog
any more. I think I laughed
at Death because I didnt understand the pain.
I know we buried my grandfather and my
grandmother while I was young, but it didnt seem to leave a scar on
my heart, I dont remember shedding a tear. . . perhaps again I was
too young to grasp the finality that it could spell. . . or does it?
I was numb to Death because I didnt understand its
reality.
From the age of about 14 till 18, I
became fascinated with death. . . I still didnt grasp
the severity but it intrigued me and drew me in. . . it was a dark
time of my life [and also the time my aunt passed away and I felt for
the first time the pain of a death]
black was my favorite colour, morbidity
my friend and at least 2 suicide attempts, along with countless
thoughts and plans to end it all . . . hating life, longing for
death's kiss. . . until the day I met TRUE LIFE! And suddenly life
seemed to take on colour [now days some might argue a tad TOO much
colour is in my life as you need sunglasses to cope with my wardrobe]
and Hope started to take root in my soul . . . there
was MORE to life than DEATH. . . there was LIFE
in LIFE! He is the source
of TRUE LIFE!
And so I began my journey a new,
re-born in a sense, this time grasping LIFE
was meant for living, not for death. . . fast forward
a few years and again death's presence creeped into my life . . . this time in a sickness
that threatened to snuff out the life I was embracing. But this time
a new emotion surfaced... FEAR!
This time I knew LIFE
and I didnt want to loose it, I feared DEATH . .
. for 7 years I was an anxious mess, desperately pleading, begging,
fighting not to walk down the path of DEATH that I once longed to
for. I had LIFE and I was too scared to
let go of it. To scared of the PAIN. To scared of the finality. And
miraculously the LIFE that was in me
brought forth healing, and again I had fullness
of LIFE. . . or so I thought.
not long after I faced death again . . . my other grandmother was nearing Death's door. . . i remember her being so frail, yet she knew she had LIFE waiting on the otherside. i watched her and wepted with her as she prayed to go "home". . . a sadness was present but at the same time a hope and joy. . . it was a side of death i hadnt seen before.
This year death has come knocking. . .
a close friend in her early 20's has her LIFE snatched away in a bus
tragic bus accident, my sister's friend looses a battle to cancer, a
dear friend's husband looses a battle to cancer . . . and another
close friend has diabetes steal her life away, suddenly, before she
is even 30 . . . too much death in a year for me.
This last weekend I went to visit the
grave of my friend. . . and memories assaulted my mind and tortured
my heart. I remember standing one year ago, watching them lower her
coffin into the ground. I can hear the sobs of her family, my chest
closes up and I cant breath . . .its like a scream trapped inside of
me. We walk back to the families home and I remember scenes from
before the burial, like they were just happening, not like they
happened a year ago. I hear her friends screaming, begging her not to
leave them. I remember looking in her coffin, her lips bloodied and
bruised, her teeth all broken . . . and I want to cry because she had
such a beatiful smile and laugh. I remember stroking her hair and
thinking how much softer it was than when she as alive. . . my heart
torn in pieces, I just stand and weep as memories take their hold. .
. and I realise in that moment that I HATE Death. . .
its so unfair. With every fiber in my body I HATE it more than I
could express. Its been so cruel to so many and left too much pain in
my life.
I write home to a friend, expressing my
heart. . . telling them how much I hate death as I remember the pain
of the tragedy and they, gracefully, lovingly, remind me of truth . .
. there is no death for those who truly have found LIFE!
Fullness of Life is birthed from death.
LIFE!
There is
more to LIFE than this LIFE we are living. This is
just the preview, the trailer, the glimpse of TRUE
LIFE to come. And suddenly I realise I hadnt fully
embraced the truth of TRUE LIFE, I was still living for this LIFE.
And I realised another truth, that
without DEATH its impossible to enter into TRUE LIFE.
Without Christ's death, we wouldnt
live. And one day, for those of us who walk with Him, we will face
death but it will be the doorway into TRUE life.
Death has
truly lost its sting in Him . . . my friends for whom
I mourn, are not truly dead, they have just taken up residence in the
ETERNAL LIFE that awaits.
[and through this LIFE I have the Father of all Comfort at my side in
my time of pain] . .
LIFE . . .and now that root of Hope
that has formed in my life so many years before, suddenly starts to
blossom with an understanding of true LIFE and LOVE.
I intend to LIVE this LIFE to the
fullest, as its a gift from my CREATOR . . . and I intend to make
peace with DEATH because even though its not always fair and often
times its cruel, I know without it there is no ETERNITY – which is
TRUE LIFE forever . . . in Christ, ALONE, do I have this living
promise and guaranteed Hope. . . but my question is …. do you have
? Do you have TRUE LIFE? What are you living for?
Is death your friend or foe?
thank you for letting me open up my soul a bit . . .
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
2 Timothy 9b - 10
This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.
Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Below is a scripture my friend has painted on her wall. Her sister died in the bus accident a year ago . . . i am amazing at how she has found strength, hope and comfort in Christ.
