Irrational Tears

We always hear the expression irrational fears, pertaining to things we fear that are irrational, for example my fear of balloons. Well, my fear of balloons popping to be more accurate. It is irrational, because besides a small increase in heart rate and a loud noise not much else happens when the balloon pops but just the though of it sends me into a flat sweaty panic, where I begin to act irrationally because of my irrational fear.

But that is not what this blog is about. It is about irrational tears. You know the kind that spring up our of you without genuine rhyme or reason? It is a bit like when you are chopping onions. There is no real reason for tears but you know they will come anyway. You try every tip and trick in the book, but still you are left standing there, goggles on, mouth [with bread in] open, tongue sticking out, hands holding onion and knife under water and tears streaming down your face. You knew the tears would get you, but you still try to avoid it. Sometimes the harder you try, the more you cry. True Story.

I am not talking grief over an event or person here, or an overflow of a wounded soul. I am talking about those moments. The moments when you are innocently scrolling through social media, click on a "feel good" video clip and boom...water works. That moment when you are watching TV and a series about making over poor people's homes comes on and the minute you hear the producer saying, "Good Morning xyz Family" the waterworks spring forth.  The moment you read a book for the second time, see a film for the second time, watch a dog rescue commercial for the twentieth time, you know what to expect, you know its coming but the waterworks still spring forth surprising you at the intensity.

Yes, I cry in commercials.

I had one of those moments today. I was reading a novel for the millionth time, same novel. I know the story line by heart. I know what is coming and as the pages turn and the part I dread draws nearer, my eyes start to moisten.  I chide myself, knowing my tears wont change the story. I scold myself to stop being so silly, but the tears only increase. The irony is that its a novel I know by heart, because I wrote every word of it. . . and yet the tears still flowed.

Yes, finally, I have set my goal . .  .I will publish by the end of 2019. I have an editor/proof reading awaiting my final piece. I have started the editing. I will do this, all be it through many tears. Keep watching this space for updates. Help hold me to my word. It has been too many years in the making. It is time to finish strong and see a dream realized.

And possibly take out shares in a tissue company.

What If . . . . ?

I've been quiet on the blog scene, and in life in general, because I really haven't had much to say. Well that's not entirely true. I had a lot to say but none of it was positive or nice.

This morning however, in my usual Saturday mindful musing, I had a thought occur. I  was musing over a truly miraculous scenario that occurred in my life. It took 17 years to see it come through, involved people and nations [like many of them] and a string of rare coincidences that no man could possibly orchestrate... ironically it had very little to do with me. God gave me a dream and 17 years later once it was long forgotten, he flicked a switch and all the hidden connections he'd been laying in the background sprung into life and it all fell into place. Down to the most minute details possible. I will always be in awe of this, and often use it to encourage myself and others in their faith and calling in God. . .

So whilst sitting bolstering my faith by reminiscing over this great miracle a thought occurred to me, "WHAT IF it wasn't about my calling, or my faith or the dreams and visions God had given me....what if all of what God did was so that I could meet you?"

Who the YOU is, is irrelevant to the readers. But this thought stunned me for a moment. Literally silenced me. It tilted my view on a situation I share so often. What if it was more about a person, a relationship than a calling or a dream?

We preach and teach endlessly about how Christianity is about relationship, first with God then with man. But today made me realise we don't always live like we believe it. How different would life look if relationship and loving God and each other was truly the priority. If the YOU  was truly the reason.

Would we be less busy? Would we put down the vacuum to meet that friend for a coffee?  Would we treat each other differently? Would we see God and His love touch in the trauma, instead of fighting against Him asking why? Would we maintain friendships we've built even if they wont carry our churches brand name? Would we see the important in the moment, in the "meeting" of a person, even if its just in passing?

What if it was about YOU more than it was about what you do?